Thursday, September 6, 2012

Working Behind the Scenes

I know it may not seem like it but I have been super hard at work behind the scenes on the blog.  I have had a few pages under construction but had not published them until today.  One of the toughest pages to publish was Martha's page.  I knew I was doing a lot better in dealing the the loss because I can now at least LOOK at the photos of her and not burst into tears.  On the other hand writing her page, the physical act of writing and picking out words to describe what happened, was more difficult than I had ever imagined.  I think it is because I carry a lot of guilt in her death.  I feel like choices I had made such as moving away from Vegas where I had a great doctor to Alabama (where I had family that was suppose to help) played a BIG role in my pPROM and early delivery of the babies.  I was riding in a car for 90 minutes to make a doctor appointment in Alabama to see a specialist with high order multiples yet she would not admit me into the hospital even though I was 24 weeks with quads. I had an appointment to go back and see her two days after they were delivered.  There are few people on this planet I carry hate and animosity around in my heart for and she is one of them.  Right or wrong that is the way I feel.  I am hoping one day that changes but so far I have not been able to let it go.

The other page was more fun because it is the photos page.  I put up a picture of when I was in the hospital after I pPromed but BEFORE I had the babies.  I was HUGE!   LOL  I also have pictures of the babies a few hours after they were born.  I will be posting more pictures up there as the days go by.  I have been SUPER busy scanning in old photos of my oldest children.  I have this blog dedicated to the little ones and I have a TON of pictures of them but few of the older kids.  I feel bad about that because I don't want them to think I do not care.  I do care.  That is why, as I have been repacking things to move, I have come across items I have held onto for close to 20 years.  I found some of Jerrin and Caitlin's old baby clothes.  I will be sending some of them to Jerrin since he is expecting his first child.  I will hold on to Caitlin's for now.  I also came across Jerrin's old  I have a LARGE box of photos.  I just need to scan them so I can have them digitally.  That is what I was trying to do today along with packing but the little kids made it hard.

I was trying to get things out so I can look at them and decide if I still need it, should sell it, or give it to someone else.  The babies on the other hand had some different ideas.  It seemed like every time I left the room to make a scan of a photo, get a box, sort through a box or put a box away the babies were doing what they could to get in trouble.  It was a rough day here.  I think it is all the strange stuff out coupled with being on a sugar high from all the cake and ice cream from my birthday bash.  LOL

One instance today was pretty bad.  James was having a smart moment and decided to move one of the kitchen chairs to my hutch.  There he opened the door and got down my "smell-good" (perfume bottle) and took it into their bedroom.  They were in there laughing and having a good time.  I heard it and thought nothing of it.  I should have known better!  LOL   A few minutes later Margaret comes into my computer room where I am adding a few more clothes to the sell pile and she is coughing saying, "I coughing mama."  Then I get a whiff.  She reeks of my perfume!  I head to their room and I walk in to see James spaying Joseph and the smell in the room is overwhelming.  The room reeked like a two-dollar whore!  Hummm, should I be saying that since it is MY perfume???  LOL  Well, I NEVER wear that much of it at one time THAT is for sure!  WOW!

So I was scanning, packing, sorting, trying to keep the kids in line, and now I am taking a minute to inform my dear readers (the two who stop by my what is going on in my life.  Now I am going to see if there is anything of interest to report from Facebook and then I am off to bed. Tomorrow is more of the same along with therapy for Margaret and Joseph. 

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