Tuesday, September 18, 2012

Where did the Motivation Go?

I was so tired when i got up at 7:00am this morning.  Since I went to bed about 1:30am that gave me about 5.5 hours of sleep.  For me this is normally enough but not lately.  I am not sure why. I ended up being able to take a nap of sorts (I was lying down and the kids played around me) from 1pm to 3pm. I got up but I am still tired.  Part of my problem I think is the interrupted sleep.  The second problem is the lack of motivation I am feeling since I have no plan. I basically have 10 more days to pack and clean out this house and ....then what?  

When I laid down for a nap I had James crawl into bed with me, then Margaret and finally Joseph.  I had the three children in the bed with me and they were all playing with different things quietly.  I thought about how much I would miss doing things like this with them.  It is not that it can't ever happen but it will be rare.  I will be gone to work and someone else will have to fill in for me.  They will get to referee fights, fix meals and kiss boo-boos while I am gone.  It makes me sad.  I feel like my children still need me, especially Joseph, but I have to leave them with a stranger while I try to make money to support us.  I have enjoyed my day with the children even though I should have been packing.

I called UCLA, still nothing!  I cannot believe I can't make an appointment to get this muscle biopsy done.  I am furious!  At this rate I will not be able to get it done before I leave town. Sigh!  I SO wanted to get this done. Then I had a call from the endocrinologist and I just cancelled the appointment.  He is only giving thyroid medicine to Joseph and to be honest he is not my favorite doctor so I am not too disappointed.  Tonight I will be looking for doctors in the Phoenix area and calling to make appointments.

Life trudges on.  I have no idea what is coming but the future will one day become my present and I guess I will not have to wonder what it will hold for me any longer because I will be living it!

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