Thursday, October 4, 2012

Trying to Leave Vegas

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I am sad to leave Las Vegas.  I first came out to Vegas in late 2003 to attend graduate school.  I was not able to finish my degree but I was able to work and had a couple of nice jobs including a federal government job I left when I was pregnant with the quadruplets.  When I left the first time I been in Vegas for four years.

After the children were born I wanted to come back to Vegas.  For some reason Las Vegas calls to me.  It is the only town in which I feel like I am home besides my hometown in Alabama.  So I came back to Vegas when the children were two (late 2009).  I have been in Vegas since then.  I have moved around often because we have been poor and I had been looking for a decent place to live.  I think I had finally found it in the last place I lived in Henderson.  Even though the neighborhood I lived in was so rough I had some neighbor break into my house and steal the only thing I had left of any value (my jewelry I had collected for 20 years) yet I still liked the house, landlady and the neighborhood in general.  I hope I will like the Phoenix area just as well as I did Vegas.

On the Sunday I had to leave I had only gotten about 8 hours of sleep total over the weekend.  I was SO tired!  I had created some signs and advertised on Craigslist my yard sale the day before.  I am disappointed I did not get more people to stop by but my signs definately got attention.  In the end I was able to sell some of my bigger items and I got some of the other things sold for a reasonable price but overall I had to remember that my real purpose of the sale was to get rid of stuff.  I knew I needed money but now that my time had run out I HAD to get the items out of the house.  Saturday I was approached by a neighbor who said they were going to help me.  As is typical of my luck that did not pan out.  I was so physically tired and hurting I knew there was NO way I was going to be able to get the last of the stuff out of the house and moved.  Near noon I left the house and went to the U-Haul place to see if there were any workers there.  I lucked out!  Finally!  LOL  I found two guys who had recently gotten back from another job.  I told them I was looking for two people. That the job I needed them to do was not a "typical" moving job.  All the really heavy stuff had been moved and packed.  Now I was in the final phase of packing and needed to clean the house.

Stuff At the Curb I Could Not Take
We arrived at my house.  They guys got out and looked inside.  They asked what I wanted moved.  They were  I told them to start by unloading what was in my van and repacking it.  I said I knew it would take a bit but I had to have the van packed like a puzzle.  That I needed to get a lot of stuff into the van or into one of the storage cubes.  They got started unloading my van.  I initially thought the job would take 2 or 3 hours.  That is what I was betting on but I was wrong.  We got done FIVE hours later!!!  The guys were SO nice.  With the time running five hours I did not have enough to pay them more than $10 per hour each.  They had worked so hard and I knew they deserved more than that. I was in a quandary   I stopped the guys for a minute and talked to them.  I explained the situation about my husband leaving and I was on a TIGHT budget.  As we had been packing we found things the guys were interested in (folding chair, tent, booze, food items, tools, toys and other things they wanted) and I told them to keep it since I doubted I would be able to take it.  They each had a bin they planned to carry on their lap and filled it with stuff.  So when I mentioned that I only had money to pay them at a rate of $10 per hour they told me it was fine.  They said they understood my situation and were SORRY!  They said I had been a pleasure to work for (nice and not work them to death) and I was giving anything they found they wanted.  These poor men who are working on a cash-for-hire basis felt sorry for me because of the situation my husband put me in!  They both were a blessing in disguise when I hired them to help.  I would NEVER have gotten everything done if they weren't there.  There was SO much stuff I had to leave behind it was literally a 15 foot line of things along the curb.  It made me sad.  A lot of what I had to leave behind was the kid's stuff.  Some of the old kid's clothes I left behind Joseph might have been able to wear later but there was NO time left to go through them now.  The other things I had to leave were the kid's outdoor toys.  I was not sure where we would live and if there would be a space to have their toys plus I could not afford the space to pack them.

John makes it to the hotel where I had booked a room for the night.  I told him I would be late and to meet me at 7:00pm.  That was because after I dropped the workers off I had a few final things to pack that I had them leave.  Plus I wanted to take a shower.  I had not showered in about 24 hours and I had sweated most of the day so I was stinky!  I packed the last bit of stuff and got to the hotel about 10 minutes after John was there.  He pulled the car seats out of his car and looked at the van.  He told me there was no way he was going to be able to get into the van to buckle them in.  I said that was fine I would do it tomorrow.  So he started to chuck the seats into the car.  I said I would at least like him to put them in there right.  He pulled them back out and put them in right.  Before I could even ask him anything else he started to walk off to his car.  I was trying to wrangle the children and get our luggage out.  I wanted to change their stuff over from a small suitcase to a larger one.  I was glad I did.  I wanted help getting the kids into the hotel and getting checked in but before I could ask (because, if you remember, that is the ONLY way I can get John to do something to help me) he had hopped back into his car and pulled out of his space part way.  He called out to the children and told them good-bye from his car and after he was done he took off.  So he leaves me on the second floor of the parking deck of the Fiesta Henderson.  If you go to the hotel I would say where I parked was about as far away as one can park from the registration desk.

When the moving guys repacked my car they moved the umbrella stroller.  I had no way to move Joseph around easily and there was no way he could walk that far on his own.  I had to carry him, juggle my purse and luggage and herd Margaret and James.  As I was struggling through the parking lot to the elevator a nice couple came up to me and asked if I needed help.  I said yes.  Guess what?  A couple, strangers I did not know, VOLUNTEERED help!  I would have had to ASK John. They helped us to get on the elevator since they were heading out to the parking garage.  When I got off the elevator I happen to run into a valet.  I asked if he could help me. He said he could.  I was able to get checked in and to the room.  OMG, I was about to die!  I was SO tired and hurting.  A friend wanted to come and talk for a bit and say good-bye.  I might have been tired but I enjoyed the social visit.  Just not something I get to do very often.  It was nice.  I went to bed that night happy and relieved that I had gotten so much done.  A big thank you goes out to my parents on that one since they were the ones that got some money together so I could pay some guys to pack, get storage so we did not have to lose everything and got us a place once we got to Phoenix.

I did bother to ask John why he had seemed so terse when he left after he dropped off the car seats.  Curiosity got the better of me on that one.  So our text exchange went like this...

Me: I was saying why did you seem so upset when you dropped off the children?
John: You might not believe it but I'm sad that they are leaving and I can't see them 5 days a week.
Me: Yep I find it hard to believe.  You weren't seeing them 5 days a week to being with.  It would have been  nice if you would offer to help us get checked in.  You got back into your car so quickly I didn't even get a chance to ask. You stop to talk to me but you were  already pulled out of your parking space, buckled in, car running. With the help of a stranger in the elevator plus a nice valet we were able to get checked into our room.  I could barely keep the kids with me while we walked across the casino floor because they were so fascinated by the sounds and lights. 
John: "Husband left family sale"...doesn't make me want to talk a whole lot to you.  You could have had a "moving on" sale or a "got a new job" sale.  You just had to get one more jab in before you left.  I hope it made you feel better.  It is the same kind of crap your mother would do...belittle someone to make yourself feel better.  Through all of this, I have said not said anything bad about you in public.  And I still won't resort to putting you down to make myself to feel better.  You complained that I constantly need validation...your sign, your blog, every public display shows you want validation that you are a good person...and you will take sympathy from anyone...ANYONE.  I pray that god gives you peace, comfort and wisdom.  I hope someday soon my prayers will be answered.
Me: You can say what you want but you did leave.  You signed another lease some where when you knew I had no job and no way to meet all the bills.  You have not offered to help.  Then I hear from you that you have this "boundary" with me and I HAVE to ask you for help.  Are you kidding me? When I tell people this they are floored.  That you care so little about me and more importantly the children that you do not help at all unless I had to ask directly for something. It is sad!  I don't need validation I am a good person.  If you think that is what all of that was about your WAY off base!                

For those of you who may not have read what is going on or maybe for John since he apparently reads my blog let me elaborate on what I was trying to accomplish. The reason I did a "Husband Left Family Sale" is because that is what I feel has happened.  It was not "Moving On" by my volition.  That is NOT what I wanted to do.  As a matter of fact I had asked SEVERAL times to attend couples therapy to work out our issues. It could have been a "Got A New Job" sale but I don't want a job right now.  I know the job offer I got is perfect for me professionally.  It is the perfect thing I want to do BUT the children still need me.  More importantly Joseph still needs me.  I wanted to work but I had planned on it next year.  Joseph needs a lot of things.  I might be missing his muscle biopsy he desperately needs.  I need to take him places and try to get things for him but instead I have had to focus on finding a job, moving and now starting a new job.  Joseph is getting pushed to the wayside.  I will have to look for a sitter for the children.  I will be the person gone to work and missing their childhood when I don't want to and they need me.  I will be the person who is left to clean up the mess you have made with the children including James. I will be the person holding James as he cries for his daddy.  The sign was not a jab against you to make me feel better.  It was intended to try and shame you.  Do you know that word when it comes to your family? Do you know the reason you have not said anything "bad" about me in public?  It is because I have done little I am ashamed about.  There really isn't anything bad to say (and if it is it is a lie) but what I have on you, and I can PROVE it, is WAY worse than ANYTHING you could EVER say about me! As for sympathy from strangers.  Yes, John, I will take the sympathy and help from strangers.  It is because, at this moment, random strangers are able to supply me and our children with more sympathy and care than my husband of almost 13 years!  What is so wrong with sympathy anyways?  Do you even know the definition of the word sympathy?  You might want to look it up!  Women, in particular, are sympathetic to my situation because they too have experienced a crappy relationship. Finally, I am glad you pray for me.  I pray for you too.  I am sure you pray to God that I get peace, comfort and wisdom since you have done little to nothing in making sure I have any peace or comfort.  As for wisdom.  I think God has been kind enough to grant me that one already.

I will have to write about my road trip tomorrow dear readers.  Until then...

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