Barfing and Broken Bones

This is Joseph's sad face. If he is looking
at you like this then he is either faking
or he is in SERIOUS PAIN!

Catchy title isn't it?  LOL  Be glad you have not been in my house the last 48 hours! Yesterday all the strength and time I had to post went into yesterday's post on No Shave November.  So you can tell I wasn't up for much!  LOL

After spending some time outside on the back porch with my husband I hear what I first thought was a cat howling in the distance.  John said he thought it was one of the children and went inside to check it out. He came back out a bit later to tell me that James had barfed all over his bed.  He cleaned out the bed and changed James's clothes.

We went into the house for the evening and went to bed.  A few hours later Margaret was screaming.  She had also barfed in her bed. So she was cleaned up and sent back to bed.  Joseph did not want to sleep by himself at that time so he came into my bed.  We all went back to sleep.   I woke late the next morning to head to work.  I had no idea what was going to happen next.

John had made breakfast.  It was delicious. Right as I was finishing up and thinking about running out the door Joseph falls out of his chair and on to the tile floor.  He smacked his left should and the left side of his head on the tile.  My poor baby was crying.  I picked him off the floor.  Daddy takes a look at him and asks where he hurts.  Even though I felt a HUGE (half dollar sized) goose egg on the back of his head that was not where he complained he was hurting.  He said his left should hurt.

This concerned me since this was the same side that he broke when he was two.  I swear I was gone for THREE minutes at best! I had to go to the bathroom.  The children were busy watching PBS so I thought I could make a run to the bathroom.  It is about the only time I have to myself...IF I'm lucky!  While finishing up in the bathroom I hear a LOUD thud and a sharp cry out of pain.  I rush out of the bathroom and into the living room to see all the children calmly laying in the floor watching TV.  I had NO idea what happened but I figured it could not have been too serious or I would have seen someone crying.

That night, when Joseph went to bed, he whined and and could not get comfortable on his left side.  I thought it was strange but then thought nothing more of it. The next morning we got up and he went to physical therapy.  Even the physical therapist thought he was only "off" and seemed to be whining a bit that day.  She had NO idea either!

I took Joseph home from PT and pulled off his fuzzy PJ jumper (he had been in for the last 24 hours; since I heard the fall) to see a HUGE bruise on his left upper chest by his clavicle.  I was HORRIFIED! I carefully bathed him and got him ready to head to a pediatric urgent care.  We got there and where immediately seen.  They took x-rays. He had a MAJOR break!  The doctor said a grown man would have been in tears if he had to crawl around on a broken clavicle like Joseph did.  She was AMAZED at his pain tolerance!  She gave us a script for narcotic pain medicine for him.

Now fast forward to my experience at the local children's hospital.  I took Joseph in and we had to wait in the the waiting room for about 75 minutes after being triaged.  I saw the other people come in after us.  They basically all had respiratory illnesses. I was worried we would pick that up while we were there.  I made sure we limited the amount of contact we had with surfaces and then used lots of hand sanitizer!

We made it back to the room.  The nurse and then the doctor made Joseph move his arm in various positions and watched his reaction.  At best he winced when he moved his arm.  The doctor and nurse were convinced that Joseph was not seriously injured.  I explained to them that Joseph had a high pain tolerance and they were not convinced. I'm not even sure they were going to send us for x-rays until I mentioned Joseph had broken his clavicle before and crawled on it without crying.

So we get sent back for x-rays.  They take FIVE films!  I had not seen so may taken before.  I had a feeling it was broken.  We head back to our room and sit in there for another hour waiting for the doctor to come in. Instead the doctor from the floor comes and and says Joseph's clavicle is broken. I told that doctor I had said it (the clavicle) would be broken to the first doctor that was treating us.  He quickly left the room.  Not ONCE did ANYONE offer to give Joseph pain medicine!

The first doctor came into the room and asked if I had heard the news.  I said yes, that the bone was broken.  I also pointed out I said I was worried it his clavicle was broken earlier and he needed to make a note in his chart about Joseph's VERY high pain tolerance.  He just looked at me.  I mentioned that I have told other doctors of Joseph's high pain tolerance before and they do not believe me because I am "just" the mom. So it would be nice to have documented proof.

Joseph all splinted up.

He rushes out the room as he mentions a tech will be in to help splint Joseph's arm. After some wrangling and me having to convince the tech to use the smallest sling and bandages available we got Joseph taken care of! I wanted to see the x-ray so I could see if the break happened at the site of the old break or it was somewhere new.  Plus I wanted to see the severity of the break.  His last clavicle break was very severe.  It did not help that he was crawling on it last time.  So I asked the nurse to see the x-rays.

Then something VERY interesting happened at Phoenix Children's.  I was told by the nurse I could not see the x-rays because of patient privacy. I said I wanted to see it and I wanted to take a pic of the x-ray on my phone on the light board in our room.  This way I could show his doctor a picture of the x-ray since I knew the records would not be ready for several days.  The head nurse was citing patient privacy too. Really? Um, no!  I am his mother, he is a minor so there is no patient privacy. If I am looking at the x-ray in our room then we are in a private setting.  This was a LOT of BS but I didn't want to fight about it.  From my earlier post on complex medical kids the first rule of hospital visits is to get back out the door as quick as possible!  I already had to ask twice for a copy of the Patient Rights pamphlet.  Now I just wanted to leave.

Out the door we went with the only medical advice given was to immobilize Joseph's arm to his side for the next three to four weeks and give him some over-the-counter motrin for the pain. Poor Joseph was hurting that night.  The next day I called his regular doctor for some pain medication.  She did not want to prescribe it (it has gotten RIDICULOUS in trying to get pain meds from ANY doctor, EVER, for ANY reason!) but in the end I won.  We got three whole days worth of Tylenol with codeine for him.  We are giving it to him only at night so he can sleep more comfortably.  He loves to sleep on his side so it pains him to sleep in the position he is most comfortable.  Now he can finally rest easy!

The good news in the story... We should be able to stop splinting his arm just in time for his birthday.  This is good because I ordered a bouncy house for their birthday!  Hopefully we will have NO more accidents!!!

Now I Know Why I Have Been Losing My Hair...

hip2give.blogspot.com

It is due to STRESS, STRESS and MORE STRESS!!!  I hope it is anyways.  Then maybe my hair will grow back one day. Sigh!  Ok, so lets start with Monday.  It was my first day back to work in almost five years. The night before I get a message from my husband, the man who left, on Facebook.  Yet again he does not seem to understand, or worse yet, he does not care how much I resent leaving my children and returning to work.

Hey,

I just wanted to tell you good luck tomorrow. I know you have been waiting for this moment for a long time. I have been praying every day for you. I know it will be tough to be away from the children, but it will also be good to get out there are do something you have been planning for and educating yourself for. I will be thinking about you tomorrow and trying to send you good vibes. I assume you found a babysitter. I hope she works out well and you like her. I know she will love the kids...everyone does.

Does the hotel have a phone number I can call? I'd still like to call the kids after school tomorrow, and I know you will have your phone.

I will talk to you soon.

John

Here is my reply....

John,

I have NOT been waiting for this moment for a long time. I had this moment FORCED upon me when you decided to leave us without sufficient means of support in July. I have been planning our move since I have been offered the job. In six weeks time, with very little help from you, I have had to pack, move and try not to be homeless.

You KNOW I have no desire for this job. Yes, it is what I went to school for and this position is perfect for me career-wise but YOU KNOW I did not want to work until next year. That the children, in particular Joseph, still need me. It is not a matter of just "being tough being away from the children" but they need me to take care of all their emotional, medical and school needs. It has been very tough for our autistic children to make the transition and the stress and lack of routine has all ready begun to show in behavioral issues. I see it as SOLELY YOUR responsibility for the emotional and behavioral problems you have caused the children by having me leave them.

Don't wish me luck or send me good vibes. You have not been a part of this in ANY way except CAUSING all of this to happen! You have done the bare minimum for me and the children. As you said you ASSUME I got a babysitter. You have NO idea what I had to do , who I got to watch the children and how it was done. I have found someone adequate but she will not be able to serve long-term because she cannot drive. So she cannot care for the children after we get out of the hotel. She cannot take the kids to any doctor,therapy or school appointments. I have to continue my search for a sitter. Even paying someone ALL of the child support you send apparently is not enough to hire a quality sitter so I am not sure what I am going to do since I need my income to pay rent, food and other bills.

As for calling the hotel you can try but the room phone is unplugged because the children will not leave it alone and had randomly called a few people in the hotel. I suggest you call in the evening at 8:00pm. Then they will get a chance to speak with you before bed.

Michelle

Now that was how I was greeting on Sunday night.  I went to work Monday.  My nanny showed up on time but I was late leaving the door.  It was hard to leave.  Off to work I went.  I used the GPS on my phone and after a wrong turn (my fault) I made it to the right area but I could not find the building.  I was SO glad I left the house at 7:15am and told my work I would be in by 8:30am.  My work was on jackson Street and I could seen the number jump in a HUGE way so I knew I was missing something. I pulled into the parking lot and I got out of my car.  The VERY first person I saw with a badge on I asked where I needed to go.  I was lucky because they knew. Thank goodness!!!  By the time I got in it was 8:20am.  I got there 10 minutes early! Yea!  

I was there for a bit and I get my first call from the nanny.  She was just checking in.  Good.  I keep busy at work reading material and getting all the newbie stuff done.  I get a second call after lunch.  This call was not good.  Bailey, the nanny,  says James was playing the Kindle. That is good in a way because it keeps him busy and out of trouble.  While he was playing Margaret goes over and tries to watch.  When she does James hits her.  Now, when I am there, I make James apologize to Margaret and say he is sorry for hitting her.  That is the end of the discipline.  Bailey on the other hand him in time out.  James has not been doing well with time out.  She tells me that he is crying hysterically and had been hanging his head on the wall.  That was when she decided to call me.  She put James on the phone and he was crying so hysterically that I could hardly understand anything he had to say.  

I spoke to him and said he needed to calm down.  I got him telling me he was in trouble and he was sorry.  It  broke my heart.  I said it was ok and he could not hit his sister.  He had to go and tell her he was sorry and give her a hug.  He got off the phone and I had a talk with Bailey reminding her that is he is getting hysterical like that then the form of discipline she is using is not working.  She said she did not want him to get away with the behavior and I said I agreed but that is why I make him apologize and say he is sorry and then give a hug.  I hoped she understood why I did not really want him in time out any more if he is getting hysterical.  

When I hung up the phone I could think of little else until I got home.  I cried at work.  I wanted to be home with James.  He is NOT taking this transition well!  The behavior I have been seeing is something that I have NEVER seen before.  I had NEVER seen him bang his head on the wall when upset.  :(

When I got off work and got home all was quiet at least.  Or so I thought.  I was trying to get the children ready for bed when Bailey called again.  She told me she was approached by the hotel manager and told that SHE was going to get kicked out if the children were so loud that someone complained again.  She was concerned about coming over to watch the children today because she is afraid of someone complaining again.  Baily, God love her, is a VERY nice lady but I am not entirely certain she got the details right on that. I would think WE would be kicked out of the hotel if we were loud again.  I hope not!  This just emphasizes the need to move into a home of some sort.  With my credit being trashed now I am not sure if I can make that happen.  We HAVE to get out of here though.  The children are bouncing off the walls here because the hotel room is so small.  Bailey is doing a good job in trying to take them out.  She walks them over the convenience store and swimming but they just need more space to run and play.  To spread out and not be on top of each other like they are in the hotel room.  Plus they REALLY need an enclosed yard to run around in.

Ok, so today.  Bailey comes to work.  I tell her let James play the Kindle all day if needed. I HATE that because I don't want him dependent on it but on the other hand I do not want ANY of us thrown out of the hotel!  I left for work.  It seems it takes me 45 minutes to get there.  I made it to work and my day was going ok.  I was calling to check in on James an hour after I left.  Everything was fine.  I got a call at 11:35am and it was Bailey.  She was saying she was not feeling good.  She said the kids were fine and she had to get after James once while they were out at the pool but that was it.  More of my day passes.  My boss comes by and says there is a conference meeting with the EPA representative at 2pm today and I needed to be there and so will HIS boss.  At 1:00pm I get another call from Bailey.  She says she is feeling really sick and her grandfather got her an appointment to the doctor at 3pm.  She wanted to know if I could come home.  Since it takes me 45 minutes to drive to work I figure I have to leave by 2pm.  Of course this is RIGHT at the time of the conference!  Sigh!  I can't catch an effin' break!  So on my second day on the job I have to go to my boss and say I am sorry but I have to leave.  I am going to have to make up the lost work hours since have have no time accrued anywhere.   

I come home and Bailey leaves.  I am thankful I hear later that it was a very large stomach ulcer that was giving her a problem.  She is now back on medication for it but she tells me that the medication makes her sleep so she is worried that she cannot continue working for me full-time.  She wants to work part-time and find someone else to fill in the rest of the time.  She said she could work for now but I need to look for someone.  Back to nanny hunting for me.  Sigh!  

I am tired.  SO VERY TIRED!!!

Should I mention STRESSED too?

Is It Sunday All Ready?

When the children are not here my weekends fly by SO fast!!!  I was packing last night for while and I got side tracked.  As I was pulling out boxes and looking through things I found a brown manila envelope.When I looked into it I started to cry.  I had COMPLETELY forgotten about this packet of information the hospital sent me regarding Martha's death.  It had her record of birth, baptism certificate, hand and footprints, snippet of her hair and some pictures the NICU nurses took of her.  I cried and cried.  I don't remember ever seeing these pictures.  I might not have until now.  I got the envelope just after she passed away and it was just too much for me to deal with.  Her hand prints are so tiny a half dollar would easily cover them up. She was just so small.  They all were at birth! I included one of the pictures the nurses took on Martha's page.   I spent the rest of my evening crying and scanning in the pictures and documents.



At the start of the weekend John had asked me for some more Pedisure for Joseph  and Margaret.  I said ok.  I gave him one case of the Pedisure.  That is 4 6-packs.  He took my car this weekend since I was not ready to move.  So I was left with his car.  The front and back seats were FULL of stuff.  The floorboard of the passenger's side of the car was filled with food trash up to the height of the seat.  When I stopped to fill up his car I cleaned the floorboard out.  I filled up the trash can at the gas station!  Then I filled up his car with gas.  The total came to about $50. I thought it was no big deal since I would just ask him to pay me for the gas that was left in the car when I gave it back to him.  I ran around town and on Sunday I went to the grocery store to get what groceries I could on WIC and pick up a few other things.  One of the WIC items is the 30 6-packs of Pedisure.  I got it from the store and went to put the 7.5 cases in John's car.  I opened John's trunk and I find 2 cases and a 6-pack of Pedisure in there.  I have him that Pedisure over a month ago.  So that means the milk-based Pedisure has been in his trunk, in the heat, for the last month.  I would not feed it to the children!  So he has ruined 9 6-packs of the Pedisure.  That makes me SO mad when he knows we will be losing WIC in December because the children will turn 5 years old. I cannot afford to buy the Pedisure myself.  It costs about $10 per 6-pack!  So he essentially wasted $90.  It makes me SO mad I am thinking about asking him to pay me the money so I can go buy some more!  Plus what has John been feeding Margaret and Joseph over the last two months when they have been over there?

Then tonight I forgot to talk to him about the gas in his car. I message him.  I ask him for $25 since I left a little more than half a tank of gas in the car.  At first he did not believe me that I put it in there.  I showed him the charge on my account.  Then he tried to tell me I made a "poor decision" by putting the gas in the car.  What "poor decision" did I make?  Trusting that he would be fair and pay me the money for the gas left in his car?  He did finally agree to give me the money but he is not going to pay me now.  He said I would have to wait until his next pay check.  Why is that?  He would have had to put money in his car for gas to get to work.  Now I have to wait when he knows I do not have money?  Whatever! Last time I try to do something nice.  I will just leave him his car in the condition I found it. If it's empty I will leave it empty.

This week I have to be more productive in packing but that should be easier because we really do not have any more doctor or therapy appointments.  We have the blood draw EARLY in the morning on Tuesday but otherwise I think our week is pretty clear this week. I will be lining things up for the garage sale.  Got to sale what I can for the money!

Thursday night when John came over to see the children I told him about Joseph having a lump on the back of his neck (swollen lymph node), foul smelling breath and sore on his bottom gum under the front teeth we had pulled.  He never even asked how Joseph was doing or what was going on!  I took Joseph to the dentist on Friday at noon.  I was smart this time and took a change of clothes for Margaret remembering how she vomited all over the place last time I took her to the dentist for Joseph's appointment.  We get there and Margaret crawls into the chair whining...lol.  The dental assistant and I told her to get out of the chair.  The assistant said, " Get out of the chair Margaret before you get sick."  LOL  I put Joseph in the chair. The dentist came in and looked at Joseph and she declared the sore in Joseph's mouth is a canker sore.  If you look at possible causes of canker sores it can be an autoimmune issues and/or a vitamin or mineral deficiency (iron, folic acid or vitamin B-12).  Very interesting when these are some of the symptoms I have mentioned before that concern me about Joseph.  Margaret did good too because she never got sick.  Makes me SO happy not to clean barf!

When I get the children from John tonight John said the kids were all fed and full.  I always fix them something to eat anyways but they rarely eat much.  Tonight I had fixed James a large cup of some Gatorade and Joseph and Margaret a bottle.  They immediately drank it.  I fixed them another cup and bottle.  They drank it too. I was surprised!  They seemed like they were dehydrated or something.  Then I asked James if he would like some pizza.  Papa Johns was running a special where you could buy $10 worth of stuff from them and then get a free large pizza.  What a great deal!  I was able to get two medium pizzas with three toppings and have the ability to get a large three topping pizza later for free.  Since James LOVES pizza I know this will make him happy!  I asked if he would like a slice of pizza.  He said yes.  I thought he would only eat one piece.  He ate the first piece and then asked for a second.  I was surprised but gave it to him.  He came back and asked for a THIRD piece!  I had given a slice to Margaret and she was not eating it so I told James he could have her slice.  The next thing I know James asked for a FOURTH piece!  I told him no!  I said he had three pieces and he had eaten as much as mommy had so he could have no more.  He was sad about it and argued for a bit but he gave up.  He had NEVER tried eating so much pizza before!  For someone who was suppose to have been fed he was starving!

When I went to change Margaret's and Joseph's diaper tonight they both have a red booty.  So I asked John what happened.  He said he had no idea.  I also asked why there was a large bruise on James' head.  I was told James was running around the house and ran into Joseph.  I am not sure where Joseph was bonked in the head but James was very evident with the huge bruise!

So in one weekend I get the children back and they seem dehydrated, hungry and bruised/rashes.  What in the world was John doing this weekend with the children???  It seems like they were neglected (at least today) and not being supervised very well.  I am glad to have them back home!

Where Do I Go From Here?

So here is the second part of the post I was promising.  In this post I want to talk about family and commitment.  I had been married once before.  He is the father of my oldest children.  We could not make the marriage last.  We were both the oldest child in the family and wanted control in the marriage.  In dating again I was looking for a man who was willing to let me be in charge.  I found John.  He was the baby of his family and he seemed like he did not mind me being in charge.  I thought we were so compatible. We thought the same things at the same time and often said the same things at the same time.  When he was not with me I ached to be with him.  When he was with me my life was filled with fun and laughter. The inscription inside his wedding ring says, "You are my life, my love, my soulmate."  I meant every word it when we got married.  

We had problems in our marriage.  Don't get me wrong.  I found several instance where John had lied to me about things and I got very upset.  In the end I forgave him and we moved on.  As I said I thought things were good in our marriage (for the most part) for the first seven years.  I often felt so close to John that I could not stand to be away from him. After the birth of the babies all of that changed.

John used to tell me he loved me and would never leave.  I did not want to leave either.  I had made a commitment to be married and spend the rest of my life together with him and that was my plan.  After the children were born we fought a lot.  The stress of taking care of the children coupled with never having any money was taking a HUGE toll on us and the teen children.  The teen children left.  How could I blame them?  I wanted to leave and so did John...lol.  We did not have that choice though.

We tried to stay together but things only worsened.  When we moved back to Vegas John began work with the school district he met a woman we will call Monica.  She is married and has 7 children.  The two of them quickly became friends.  John was out all the time and I was left home with the children.  I would ask him about his day and all I would hear about is Monica.  Monica this...Monica that...She is great...She has the best ideas.  What I saw was me losing my best friend to some woman named Monica.  I tried to say something but I was told there was nothing going on between them. That might have been true physically but she has essentially become the emotional wife and I was the wife who kept the children and cleaned the house.    

As much as it hurt me to lose my best friend.  The person who made me smile and laugh (crying now just thinking about it) I was willing to stay married and live in the same house together.  John did his best to make my life miserable.  He told me later that he was trying to make me leave.  I had been asking for both of us to go to marriage counseling but John said I would need to change first before he would consider that.  I said I did not understand.  The point of marriage counseling, I thought, was to try and work on things together so we can bring ourselves back together and then make changes together. 

As much as I have threatened to leave and even go as far as filing for divorce I did not want to leave.  I wanted John to change.  I wanted him to be happy again.  To be the fun person I remembered.  For us to be close again.  He changed all right.  He changed into a person who thinks he no longer needs me.  When I got married I wanted to live the rest of my life with him.  I was willing to make that happen.  The children need us!  Not just me.  Not just him. James in particular has me worried.  He is SO attached to John!  Right now John comes over a few nights a week from 7:00pm to 9:00pm.  He sees the children and then puts them to bed.  When he does not come James, being autistic and liking routine, gets REALLY upset!  He has been crying at me when I tell him that daddy is not coming tonight.  I have to comfort him as best I can.

Now that I am having to move and accept a job in Phoenix the kids will only get to see John twice a month.  Once a month John is planning to come to Phoenix and I once a month I will drive the children up to Las Vegas.  The drive is 5 to 5.5 hours each way.  That will be the ONLY time the children will get to see John.  The drive will be tough on Margaret because that is longer than she can really travel in a car per day.  It is also going to be SO tough on James.  I am going to try and get him into therapy as soon as I can.  Otherwise I worry he will not make the transition well.  James is SO dependent on routine that he waits and watches the clock everyday until three o'clock rolls around so he can call John.  He calls him all most right at three o'clock every day!  He get SO excited running around the house screaming, "I can call daddy now.  I have to call and text daddy!"

The children need us. I want to work things out and I feel as though John does not.  I am sure he would say the same about me.  We cannot even seem to talk to one another anymore.  He comes over.  I don't talk really and either does he.  He says I should be the one to initiate things.  In some ways I understand this but on my end I was to be with someone who wants me and that no longer seems to be the case. I think I have lost my soulmate.  For now I am stuck in limbo.

We are still married.  I will be moving to Phoenix with the children.  I have asked to do couples therapy with him to try and work out our issues but I am not sure how this is going to happen now.  I don't how the children and I are going to make it but we have to.  John has not volunteered to do anything to help.  He has not asked if I would like for him to take the children an extra day, pay for a storage room, help buy moving supplies, help me pack, or ANYTHING involved with the move.  I broke down and asked him to take the children for me next Saturday so I can get moving and packing done.  He asked when.  I said all day would be nice but what ever you can do.  He said he would take them from 9am to 6pm.  I was hoping he would keep them overnight but I will take what I can get. 

So far it is just me and the babies.  No friends have been able to help me pack or move.  No family.  No John.  With my hand still having a lot of pain with the carpel tunnel surgery I am in trouble.  Worse case scenario I am going to try and pack what I can and them call Goodwill to come and pick up the rest.  I have had friends tell me I am a good person and something will happen.  Someone will help.  We will be ok.  I tell them I am sure they are right but secretly, in my heart, I know bad things happen to good people all the time.  I may be no different.

Got to go and pack what I can...

As a friend on Facebook said,
Dear life,
I have only just read the terms and conditions AND the small print of our contract.
May I say, what a crafty little *!?@$^%!* you are!

On the way to homelessness?

I have been having fun tonight listening to the wind howl.  A storm is moving into Vegas tonight and with it the wind speed picks up.  There are gusts out there at LEAST 50 mph!  The wind chime is going crazy outside!  Careful, wind chime noise in video is LOUD!

John got paid so he gave me $700 to pay bills.  This is more than he has to give me so that is nice.  I have the following bills to take care of:

Photo Credit: thesite.org

• $400 electric
• $100 credit card (I had all ready missed one payment)
• $85 credit card (same with this one)
• $40 health club membership (haven't even been going at all since we split up)
• $50 cellphone (only phone I have)
• $100 gas (will last my 15 passenger van about 2 weeks if I don't really go out much)
• $100 food (that is two weeks worth for 4 people (me and the kids)
• Other bills that may come up are water, gas, internet. 

I know, I have WAY exceeded the allowance I was given so what do I do?  I cannot continue to eat Ramen and popcorn for dinner.  WAY too much salt for me and not good for you in general.  Got to do food and gas.  So that is $200.  Got to pay at LEAST $200 to electric.  So that is $400.  Got to pay for phone!  MUST have a phone so that is another $50.  So that pays out $450 leaving me $250.  About to forget.  Got to get a case of diapers for Margaret and Joseph.  That is $40.  Plus I have two doctor appointments I need to go to.  That is $40.  So we are at $530.  Need a $70 copay to take Joseph to the pulmonologist.  I have the extra high co-pay because I had to miss the appointment last time because John forgot to give me the money before he left for work that day.  That makes $600.  There is an IEP meeting scheduled for Joseph and it would cost $100 for the advocate to be there.  I do NOT have the money for all of this!  I am not sure what I am going to do!  I think I will have to cancel the IEP and try to do one in Arizona when we get there.  I will have to see if I can find an advocate and how much they would cost.  I cannot be trusted to attend one of those meetings alone.  I am just too emotional and hot-headed.  I wind up saying things that I occasionally regret.  So I could easily spend all the money and still not even pay a lot of the bills I know about. Sigh!  This is why I am SO upside down on everything.  : (   

Photo Credit:  http://blogs.orlandosentinel.com    
Is this going to be us at the end of September?

I am in trouble!  Never, growing up in a middle class family, did I ever think my life would wind up like this.  I have been losing so much hair lately.  I am certain it is from stress.  What I am NOT stressed out about lately???  Moving?  How is it going to happen?  How am I going to afford to move my things?  What about getting a storage room for a bit (more money I forgot to add to my list of needs)?   How am I going to get my stuff to Arizona since I am the only adult driver and I cannot tow my van?  If I take my stuff where am I going to put it? What about money for gas to even drive there?  Am I going to truly wind up homeless?  If so where am I and the children going to go?  Can we live out of the van?  What about getting services for the children?  What about food?  What about child care?  I will not have money to pay anyone really until two weeks AFTER they have been watching my children. Since Joseph is medically fragile he cannot be in a daycare or school setting. So where does this leave me???  Plus James and Margaret cannot go to school because they would get sick and bring it home to Joseph.  This is why I have been home with them for the last several years.  This is by far the most balls-to-the-wall sort of thing I have ever done!  I have to make it to Arizona to take this job!.  If I have ANY hope of making my little family self-sufficient then I need, MUST HAVE, this job!  

The children have been driving me crazy because they are getting into everything.  I can't blame them really.  I have stuff pulled out all over the place.  They are fascinated by it.  Why shouldn't they be? James and Margaret were getting into all kinds of stuff, broke a couple of things and were not listening.  In the end I yelled at them and then broke down crying.  I cried in front of my children and the poor kids did not know how to handle it.  James was trying to be nice at that point and he gave me a hug and said he would not make a mess again.  That was SO sweet!  I shouldn't be crying in front of them.  It was just too much today. I am so worried.  When I talked to John about it he said not to worry that I would be able to figure something out.  Often, I would agree with him.  On the other hand I am getting really worried. 

I am still trying to pack things but it is hard with the children here and no one here to help me distract them.  After that my hand is the next big hurdle.  I have come to the conclusion it will never be right. The only good news from the carpal tunnel surgery is that my hand no longer falls asleep when I use it.  It hurts instead (sometimes very painfully) but in some ways that is better because I still have some kind of feeling in my hand.  Just makes packing difficult because I have a hard time moving boxes.  

I was having fun reminiscing over some old video clips of the children.  This is video of the kiddos when they were two.  Joseph is having fun and getting so tickled with what he is doing. He has SUCH a great laugh in this video!  You can also see James count (and sign) and Margaret sing her A, B, Cs .

Last day of July....

And boy am I GLAD to see July come to an end!

Since John left I had to take care of the children by myself. After John telling me he was leaving it was an emotional weekend with no room to take a breathe and gather myself. On Monday, July 9th, Margaret had an appointment at the dentist. That was JUST the start of one of the WORST days of my ENTIRE LIFE!!! She had pointed out to me her front left tooth was loose (thanks to Yo Gabba Gabba...lol). With the recent abscess from Joseph's dead front teeth I was concerned. So poor Dr. Sina was the dentist we went to see. Margaret did pretty well for her during the exam part. She sat in the dental chair and cried VERY little! I was SO proud of her!

All was going well until the dental assistant went to take a couple of x-rays of her front teeth. Margaret gagged a little but not too bad. I thought I was in the clear. She got up from the dental chair and ran over to me. She had a pale pallor to her skin and I was concerned. I called to her but she detoured at the last minute and headed to a narrow hallway where the appointment setter works. She stops suddenly and projectile vomits. Two bad things about this. One is that I fed her 90 minutes earlier and she should not have been able to vomit so much. The second problem was the appointment setter gets ill easily and he RAN out of the reception area. I felt sorry for her. Luckily Margaret missed vomiting on her clothes and she only got a small amount on her shoes. That was perfect since it was easy to clean her up.

Then I left there and had appointments at two different attorneys to discuss my impending divorce. The first attorney I went to said I had an excellent case to gain sole custody of my children. I was pleased and I liked the attorney well enough. The second attorney was was heading across town to make the second appointment I called the office only to be told they could not see me. Sigh! So I turned the car around and headed home. I make it home at about 2pm after leaving the house at 9am. I arrived home and opened the front door using my key. I walk in and the children go in. They did not want to stay outside because it was SUPER hot that day. The next thing I know I hear James say the TV is gone. I was talking to my friend as I walked in the door and I walk over to where the TV sits and I see it is gone. My first though was that John came back and took the TV. Then I walk back to my bedroom and I see my jewelry box sitting out on my bed instead of being at the top of my closet. ALL the jewelry was gone! Including the jewelry that was in a baby wipe container that held my nicest jewelry. I easily lost $7,000 in jewelry that I had collected over 20 years AND the inheritance of my children. I called the police and at first I was mad. As I was filling out the missing property report I could not think. Most of the jewelry I had not worn in YEARS because of the babies. Then I started to cry. I was so stressed out that night and I was scared to sleep at home. Who ever did this has to either live close to my house or goes by it on a regular basis. That is how they knew I was gone but for someone just to hit my house for the jewelry and my TV they must have been in here before or know me. That was ALL that was taken. My laptop was left behind, my prescription pills and some other moderately valued electronic stuff that was small.

Then to round out the day my husband was trying to force (or at least I felt that way) me to agree to divorce stipulations that I was not happy with. I went to speak to his friend that evening with him and I had to start my car. It was not wanting to start. It was 114 degrees outside and the car was acting like it was fried. I tried to start it again and it did start but then the air conditioner did not work, the odometer (electric) did not work and neither did the speedometer. It was tough to drive 30 minutes across town with Margaret, Joseph and myself in a van with no A/C in 144 degree heat. When we got there I was lightly sunburned and we were all beet red due to the heat. By the time our discussion with John's friend ended thankfully my car had cooled and so had the weather so my car started right up and everything worked. I was grateful for that small miracle after such a tragic and awful day!

July 10th it was MY turn at the dentist. I have a MAJOR problem now with getting dental work because I seem not to be able to numb up with lidocaine. This makes ALL dental work at least kinda painful. I was able to convince John to take the children for part of the day for the first time since he left. I was a welcome relief from them but getting dental work cancelled that out...lol. The dentist knows of my problem and made sure he numbed me up SUPER well. I had enough lidocaine that my face was numb up to my eyes. It felt WEIRD! I had two cavities drilled and refilled. They were both large. They stated out as tiny pinprick cavities 20 years ago and now the tooth is all most gone. The next time I will have to get crowns on the teeth. :( I also had two teeth sealed. They will probably be the ONLY two teeth I have when I am old! LOL At the end of the drilling I was feeling the dentist drill. It was not too bad though. It took until the end of the day for all the lidocaine to wear off! When I got home the children were wondering what was wrong with me...lol.

On Wednesday July 11th I had feeding therapy for Joseph and while I was in the area I had an appointment with another divorce attorney. John was telling me I did not have a good case for the divorce and I thought I did. I went to another attorney to get another opinion. The last attorney told me the same thing. I had a good case. That made me relieved.

On the 12th I only had therapy for Margaret and Joseph. It was a nice break compared to the other days. July 13th John took the children for the weekend for the first time. It was nice. So Saturday I had an appointment with the Aveda school and got my hair done. It was SO nice. I needed that SO bad after all the stress of the divorce, the break-in of my home, and having the children for awhile without much of a break.

I got the children back Sunday evening and on Monday I had a WIC appointment but I could not make it to the recertification appointment. Tuesday the 17th I did not have any appointments. Thanks goodness! On the 18th Joseph had an appointment with Dr. Sina, the dentist, to clean the heavy tarter build-up on his back teeth. The tarter is so heavy because he does not chew food so the teeth do not have the tarter scraped off of them. So I took him in for his cleaning. He did SO good in sitting in the chair. When the dentist came in I sat Joseph in the dental chair, James in a small child's chair and Margaret in the stroller. I thought this was a good idea but I was horribly wrong! As the dentist started to clean Joseph's teeth Margaret became upset. I saw her stick her hands into her mouth and then the next thing I know she vomited EVERYWHERE! Vomit was in her hair, down her shirt, on her pants and she filled the bottom of the stroller with vomit so the back of her pants were soaked too. I was not prepared for that by ANY means! NEVER though she would get sick with Joseph having the dental appointment!

I had to go and leave Joseph alone while I took Margaret and James to the bathroom and try to clean up all the mess. I was able to get her shirt off without getting more barf in her hair. I rinsed out her hair and then I tried to tackle her clothes. I rinsed them off in the sink using soap and water. By the time I got everything clean her shirt and pants were completely soaked and there was no hand dryer in the bathroom not to mention that a hand dryer would have completely upset Margaret. So I did the only thing I could do. I dumped the barf in the stroller out and then tried to rinse the stroller in the sink but that was not going to happen...lol. Just would not fit. :/ I had to walk Margaret out of the dentist office with just her shoes and diaper on...LOL! The dentist was kind enough to offer me a gown for her but I said I was not worried about it. We only had a short way to walk to the car and then I was going to strap her in and take her to the house to get more clothes. I had JUST enough time to get home, grab clothes for her and then race across town to Joseph's feeding appointment. I just made it in time to walk through the door by the time I got Margaret into her change of clothes. What a wild day! By the time I got back out to my car the stroller I had rinsed out and her clothes were making my car reek of barf due to the warm weather. I was GLAD to get home! I got the clothes into the washing machine and the stroller I set up outside and then used the hose and some dish soap to get it clean. Then I left it in the sun for two days to make sure the smell would be gone.

That evening John came over and stayed so he could take me to watch the children because on July 19th I went to have carpal tunnel surgery done on my right hand. I have been having carpal tunnel issues for the last 20 years but it had gotten so bad that I could not drive, fill out a form, sew on a button or do anything that required me to grip something without my hand falling asleep. I had been tough! So I hoped surgery would solve my problem. I dove myself to the surgery center EARLY in the morning. I get there and I am nervous. I was able to settle my nerves until the nurses were trying to put an IV into the back of my hand. I just do not have good veins there especially on my left hand. So they stuck me once and it did not work so another nurse tried. She got blood but it would not flow. She was moving the needle around and I cried out in pain and starting crying. They think they were on a valve. I don't know besides it was SUPER painful so they stopped. All most the ENTIRE back of my hand was bruised for a week. The anesthesiologist came out and stuck me in my arm and got it at once. I was glad there was NO more torture!

I was wheeled in and got on the surgical bed. The anesthesiologist knocked me out. I work up later. The surgery was really short. My hand was wrapped up and I was woozy that first day but otherwise I felt fine. The next day I watched the children for a few hours while John took a nap. The children have been gone for the most part. I have had them over on Thursday and Sunday nights so that John can get up early and go workout with his trainer. Then I kept the children for 4 hours the day after my surgery, I kept them for another 4 hours one day after John got back from working out and Saturday (28th) I kept the children all most all day (10am to 7:30pm). By Saturday John was starting to beg for mercy from the children. I love the little munchkins so much but the can wear you out. I asked John if he understood why I could not do school work at night after taking care of the children all day and he said yes so I agreed to take the children on Saturday. :) I have an appointment with the hand doctor on August 1. Recovery for my carpal tunnel surgery has been difficult and I have had a lot of pain in my hand. Even now I have pain often when I move my thumb. It hurts. I am hoping he will say it is all normal and will heal great. I did have the surgeon tell me that my surgery went well and the carpal tunnel was under extreme compression. I am hoping I got the surgery done in time to keep permanent damage from happening to my nerves in my hand.

To wrap things up on the divorce end John and I are going to try and work things out so currently the divorce has been dropped. We will go the couples therapy and see if we can stay together because having disabled surviving quads we will probably ALWAYS have to deal with each other until we die. It would be easier to do that if we were able to stay together and work in unison for the children than work against one another.

Still grateful the month of July has ended! One of the worst months of my life!

Barf, Barf and more Barf...

Margaret has always been my little vomiter. Joseph was too but he had a fundoplication and stopped his vomiting. Margaret on the other hand gets something going on with her and the next thing I know she is vomiting all the time. Case in point, today.

Margaret was doing fine today until this evening and she vomited when I fed her some pizza. Then tonight she has been up for awhile talking in her room. Just a bit ago she was screaming her head off so John checked on her. She is covered in barf and so was her bed. She is in the bath now. The vomiting jags (refluxing) can go on for weeks before it stops. I am hoping for a short stint this time. Fingers crossed!