Thursday, June 20, 2013

Wound Up As Tight As She Can Go...

House bursting at the seams...LOL
I know it has been awhile since I last posted.  There is just so much happening that when I am not too tired to write about it that the thought to cover everything that has happened since the last post leaves me overwhelmed.  When my day is normally over I have no desire or energy to write at that point.  Today I am taking the time because I am at home watching my children while working.  It affords me a bit of time to work on the post.

At the moment I am wound up about as tight as I can go.  I got up this morning with an overwhelming urge to cry.  I am not entirely sure why...what brought that on this morning in particular.  I think it is because I am tired, mentally and physically.  That I need a break from people, from work, from my life in general. 

Since my last post I found out I am diabetic.  It is had to admit but its true.  All the women on my mother's side of the family are/were diabetic.  I knew eight or more years ago I had problems with too much insulin production and started to take metformin.  Now here I am, at 40, diabetic.  It is a bit depressing.  I have been trying to manage my diet and stay away from sugar and carbs but it's been hard.  Ironically is it a bit easier when I am at home because I know I can make food and have a bit more control over what I am eating.  When I work I often have to grab fast food because I don't have time or energy to make things. I really have got to work on that!  I know I am slowly killing myself but it is hard to change (as she sits drinking sweet tea [hey, at least I used the equivalent of Baking Splenda]).

After having Bailey, who is no longer working for me, and her grandfather live here we have added two more early twenty-somethings to the picture.  That makes five adults and three children (the little kids) in the house.  I have a BUSY house...practically bursting at the seams!  After taking care of the little children today and not getting near enough actual work accomplished I am now sitting in my room writing this blog post and then I am going to work on...well, work. Don't forget also that John will be coming and adding himself to the menagerie at the end of the month.  It is interesting that with all these people in the house I still feel alone and stressed.  The older kids (twenty-somethings) are nice but have their own agenda.  Bailey's friends, in particular, are quite nice and rather interesting to talk to when they have time. It's weird how being in a house full of people can still leave you feeling lonely.  Bill goes to work, the older kids stay in their room or leave and I am left to hang out with the little children who slowly drive me nuts during the day.  I don't think they would drive me as batty if I knew I did not have work (real work, the kind that pays the bills) to complete. 

Speaking of going nuts...

A friend posted this on Facebook today.  It came just in time as the children were driving me to my breaking point...

A Hundred Tears:

A hundred times I told him
a hundred times and more,
"Don't hit the dog, don't run away
don't throw that on the floor!"

All morning he was tireless
he never stopped to think
he broke my lamp, he spilled his milk
dumped the kitten in the sink.

He ran around the house all day
without a stitch of clothes
he flapped his hands and sang and cried
and fell and bumped his nose.

At dinner came the moment
when I'd simply had enough
he refused to eat his dinner
and that's when I got tough.

I sent him off to bed at once
despite his tearful pleas . . .
I let him cry himself to sleep
it brought me to my knees.

When silence fell upon his room
I slowly crept inside,
and gazing on my little son
I lost my foolish pride.

A hundred tears I wept right then
a hundred tears and more
for this little child who spilled his milk
on my nice bright shiny floor.

Who am I to scold my son
for things he cannot know?
he looks to me for patience
to help him learn and grow.

A hundred prayers I said that night
a hundred prayers and more
Help me Father, teach my child
this child that I adore.

And as I left his room that night
I kissed his tears away
and promised that tomorrow
would be a better day.

~By Susan Meyer

Nothing like a well timed reminder that I need to be patient with my children and others. Tomorrow is another day...

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