Sunday, December 30, 2012

The Interesting Things People Say

I get a rare moment of respite from the children.  I am sitting in a local Starbucks.  I had been working on material for my job (the one they hopefully will not fire me from because I cannot find a sitter).  I wanted to take a break and write a post before I go home.

A couple of thoughts.  First is a message sent to me via Facebook back when I had the verbal brawl in a chat room because the Moms of Multiples (MOMs) thought I was a fake.  I just found it today in a spam folder.    The message said...

Hello.. I know you saw my post on the Triplet board. There are people there now defending you now. I just wanted to say I am sorry if I offended you. I was just skeptical but I am no longer. Your story is so Sad I think people wanted it to be fake.

Anyway again I am sorry, if that means anything  :(

I thought this note was sweet but it also disturbs me some.  Do people really think what I write and my life is fake?  In the end, I honestly do not care, but on the other hand I would hate to have people think I am lying. One of my BIGGEST HATES in life are liars.

I know my life is difficult at the moment.  I realize that myself.  Just like I know all the kids have problems, I am over-weight, the sun will rise tomorrow and I will have to watch children's TV programming when I watch TV with the children.  There are just certain realities in life!  On the flip side though I KNOW things will settle down for the children and I one day.  That I will be able to get the things I need for my children on my own (even if we are living in a hovel to make it happen).  My children will grow-up and know of the love (and sometimes sacrifices) I made for them.  I will do it all gladly (though sometimes, painfully for me).  My life is difficult but it will not always be so because *I* am a survivor and will persevere.

Okay, I am digressing....   The second point.  Still looking for a nanny.  Not sure, if I cannot work something out, what I am going to do.  I will be placing another ad soon.  I know looking for a nanny over the holidays is not helpful.  I am hoping I will have more response after New Years.  If I cannot make this work I have no "good" back up plan.  This worries me.  I specialize in making 18 (ok, maybe not quite that back-up plans for when something does not work in my life.  I HAVE to get the child care issue under control before I get fired.  Sigh, life is difficult, not sad, just difficult.

Thursday, December 27, 2012

Friend In Need of Help

Please Help Lidija To Thrive and Grow!

I have a friend, Vivian, that is need of help.  Her daughter Lidija has a rare disorder called Mast Cell Activation Disorder.  She requires a special diet of Neocate Jr. It is very expensive and costs the family of five $35 per day just to feed Lidija!  Currently Vivian is fighting with the insurnace company to cover the Neocate Jr. for her child.  In the meantime her friends are helping her in raising funds to purchase the food along with looking for cans of Neocate Jr. to send to the family.  Lidija can drink only the BLUE label Neocate Jr. unflavored and chocolate varieties.  Pretty much anything else she is having a reaction to it.  If you can donate money (even $5 would be SO helpful) please visit the fund raising website.  If you have Neocate Jr. BLUE label unflavored or chocolate flavor cans of formula please visit Lidija's Facebook page and leave a message there for Vivian.  She will be able to share with you where she needs the formula shipped.

Please help if you can.  It seems like such as basic thing.  To be able to feed your child food to help them grow but not all children are able to do that.  Lidija can ONLY eat the Neocate Jr. and Splash.  Anything else and she has an adverse reaction.  Please help to keep Lidija thriving by helping her and her family get the food she needs!


For more information on her story please click here.
For Lidija's Hope Facebook page click here.
Fundraiser page is located here.
Blog post by another friend is located here.  Please read.  It is quite good!

Wednesday, December 26, 2012

Kid-isms: Oh that silly Margaret!

My children often crack me up with the things they say.  Joseph does not say much really.  He is exceptionally cute though.  HOW he says things is what is adorable.  I will see if I can get some video of him.  How he says "cheese" and "nothing" is precious!  Margaret is SO quirky that you NEVER know what is going to come out of her mouth.

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We pull into McDonalds and I asked James what he wanted and he said he wanted a hamburger.  I said ok. Then I asked Margaret.  Without skipping a beat Margaret piped in and said, "I'd like one krabby patty please."  LOL   I can tell she has been watching too much Spongebob Squarepants!

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Today Margaret is running around the house singing as she is going around the Chirstmas tree.  She runs up to me and says, "We have to get ready for Christmas Eve."  I said, "We've already had Christmas Margaret."  She replies, "Hello Kitty Santa will soon be here!"  LOL  Okay, how was I suppose to rely to that???  LOL

We have a refrigerator that dispenses crushed ice.  I get some ice chips into my cup and when I pull my cup away a few more ice chips fall into the tray of the refrigerator.  Margaret grabs one and sho ves it into her mouth and starts eating it.  I like eating ice so I am sure she learned at least part of that habit from me.  I asked her what she was doing and she said, "I'm cracking!"  LOL   I guess that is what it sounds like to her in her mouth when she eats ice.

Margaret was running around and playing with James.  They were chasing each other around the playroom.  She falls and bumps her head.  She cried and comes over to me and says in a teary voice, "I bumped my attic."  LOL


Tuesday, December 25, 2012

The Nice Things That John Said

I had an interesting Christmas Eve.  I had to work that day.  With all the time I have taken off from work I had NO time to take Monday off.  I was lucky because Bill volunteered to stay home and watch the children for me.  This allowed me to go to work and not have to worry about anything.  I got up and went in super early and worked straight through so I could leave work early.  I got home and pick up the children.  I took them over to the local Target to get pictures made for the children's birthday and Christmas pictures.  Bailey and I had gone the day before to Wal-Mart and we were able to find new clothes for the children to take their pictures in and the clothing was cheap (added  Bailey had the children ready in the first outfits and packed the children's clothes for me.  I got the children into the car and headed off.

I want to say I have normally had a GREAT experience and this time was no exception.  We have gone to Portrait Innovations a couple of times and had horrible experiences.  I tell the person booking the appointment that I am bringing in disabled triplets so book me more time.  At Portrait Innovations I am told it is not a problem but when we get there we wait and then get rushed.  At Target I ask for a double appointment time and ask to get the last one of the day.  When I get to the Target Portrait Studio I have my double appointment time.  Keep in mind I am getting there at 3:40pm and we should be done no later than 4:20pm.  I get there and the lady doing the pictures is SUPER nice.  I explain to her about the children and a few things she should NOT do if she did not want them to  We get started.  I went through FIVE clothing changes.  I ask if I am ok and she photographer said I was the last appointment of the day so I was fine (keep in mind again, this is Christmas Eve). We get all the pictures done and I pick out what I want.  The photographer asked if I had any coupon or promotions.  I told her no.  She said I was not to worry.  She was going to help.  I was able to walk out of there with a CD and a lot of other things for a reasonable price.  I was happy.  Anytime I can spend less than $120 for everything I want from the photographer I am thrilled! When we are done I am exhausted!  I call ahead and ask if Bailey will meet me and help to get the children back into the house.  She said ok.  When I get to the house it is 5:30pm and Bill and Bailey are waiting for me to arrive.  I was SO thankful to have the help getting into the house!  Many of the pictures I had made at Target are on the site under Recent Pics.

When I get home and enter the house Bill had been cleaning pretty much all day.  He had moved stuff around, pick up things up (including toys), cleaned the whole house.  It was AMAZING!  The house was all cleaned and vacuumed and looking great for Christmas day.  Bill said he had cleaned so we would have everything out of the way so we could open present tomorrow.  It was a REALLY nice surprise!

So in the effort to be fair and honest I wanted to make sure that I mention the nice things that John said about me to the CPS lady.  She tried really hard to get John to say he had an issue with what is going on.  Basically she asked about the ok on the door and he said he laughed at her.  He told her it was pretty standard practice for parents of multiples to switch the door lock around to keep the children from wondering.  He said *I* was not even doing that.  I was only putting a chain lock on the door so the door could still be opened by the children.  She asked him why I would leave Nevada when I had services set up there for the children.  He told her I had to take a job here and it was more important I have the job so I had money to put a roof over our head than the services.  He said it is hard to provide services to someone who is  She asked John about the chocking hazard I was posing to Joseph by feeding him stuffing.  John told her about the feeding therapist telling us we had to give him food with more texture if we were ever going to get him to eat solid foods.  He said he knew I am a great mother to the children and I have their best interests in mind.  He said he knows I will take good care of them (basically).  Shortly afterwards he ended his interview with the CPS worker.

It was nice to hear John say those things about me.  He could have been an ass and lied to the CPS worker and caused the children and I grief but he did not.  I am appreciative of that.  He knows I have ALWAYS had the safety and welfare of the children at heart.  They are still my main concern.  Today James kept asking me about John and I had to keep reminding him he was not coming.  James has me worried with all the (birthday and wishing well) wishing that his daddy was here.  It makes me sad for him.

I will see what I can do for therapy for James.  Tomorrow Bill is planning to spend some one-on-one time with James for me.  Bill is watching the children for me tomorrow so I can work.  I am thankful he is around to help with James. James really does need some one-on-one male bonding time.

Christmas Spirit

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This is the first time I have ever truly experienced the generosity of others. It has been humbling. Natalie has been reading my blog and she has organized her friends and church into helping us. It truly has been a blessing! Earlier this week I was saying I had adopted a child from an Angel Tree at work and went shopping for her before I even went shopping for my own children. Little did I know, due to the generosity of others, I did not have much shopping I had to do. Over the last two weeks Natalie and her angels have come by and donated a love-seat, a wing-back chair, a desk and some clothes for the children and myself. We at least have enough furniture to sit on and the desk went into Bill and Bailey's room to be used as a computer desk. They had been using a nightstand.  We have been pulling out the clothes.  We were given a large box of Hello Kitty clothes for Margaret and she has been going nuts over them!  We were also given a bag of SUPER nice brand name clothes in James' size.  They are wonderful and I know I can dress the children in a way that I am not ashamed to take them out to places.

Then Saturday night, while Bailey and I happened to be out Natalie came by with about 20 other people (according to Bill) and dropped off presents (including a treadmill!) for us. I wished I had been home! Bill said the people broke out in song as they walked into the house and brought in the presents. Bill said the children were SO excited and had HUGE smiles on their faces. Bill even admitted he was over come with emotion by the generosity and kindness of all the people there. Thank you all!

Other generosity this week include Kimberly B.  You know who you are and the generous gift you gave my children.  Thank you SO much!

My neighbors down the street.  During a yard sale about a month ago I met my neighbors down the street.  They have children including a son who is about two years older than James.  She had SO many clothing items I wanted to purchase for James and she also had a BEAUTIFUL rug that has roads on it and a cute cityscape.  I wanted the items SO bad but I did not have the money.  I told her I would be back next week and I would buy anything she had left.  The next week I went back and the husband answered the door.  He said they were going to have a garage sale again next weekend.  I said that was great and I would be back.  The next two weeks I looked but no yard sale.  Yesterday my neighbors show up at my door.  The husband hands me a HUGE box and the wife says it is EVERYTHING left over from the yard sale.  She said I was welcome to take what I can use and to please donate the other items.  Can you believe it???   There are a TON of things that James can wear along with a LOT of pajamas!  Something he needed.  What really tickled me was the rug.  The rug was not sold and she gave it to me.  I was SO happy!  As soon as I laid the rug in the floor Joseph started to play on it.  He was running a car up and down a "road".  It was cute!

To my in-laws.  Thank you for sending money for the children on Christmas.  I was able to buy them some specific toys I knew they have been wanting.

With all the gifts given I think the children are having their biggest Christmas yet.  Thank you all for the help in making this a nice Christmas for my babies!

                            Merry Christmas!!!

Thursday, December 20, 2012

Playing Catch Up

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Tuesday December 11 - I was crying and worried about the CPS visit along with having to find a new nanny. I was worried about losing my job since I was going to have to take a lot of time off from work and I did

not have the time to take off. Having fired Bailey is HUGE! It will be VERY hard to replace her. I had asked John about coming back to Nevada where we could live with him and I could stay home again and take care of the children. John’s first reaction is that he said he did not think it was a good idea. He said he was not sure if he could be around the children. He did not think it would be good for him. (John read my blog and said he was referring to ME, his wife of all most 13 years, as the one he is not sure he can be around. Though this hurts my feelings it at least makes me feel better about our last conversation. )  

Wednesday December 12 – On my first day home I get a text from John about 10:30am. My comments are in parentheses. It said…

I have made a decision. I cannot have you move back to Vegas to live with me. If you could somehow move back to Vegas and live somewhere else, that would be great. I came to this decision based on a couple of things (Neither of these were the reason I got the day before involving the children). First, we can’t afford it. With my salary, we won’t qualify for SSI (since when? We did before? Did you get some big raise I do not know about?) I do not make enough money to support a family of five without a second income. No one I have ever talked to who is a teacher has children an lives on one income (then you have not talked to the right people. This is just you seeking validation from others for what you are doing.). Both parents work. The only way it would work is if you got a job and that would defeat the purpose (purpose of what? For both parents to be in one house? For James to see more of his father?...NOPE! Didn't even ask if I would work PT). As it stands now I do payday advances every month. And yes, I could get a roommate, and the roommate would provide me with additional income (I did mention that and then you could come and visit the children more. What does this have to do with the conversation too BTW?). If you came to live with me you would not have an income (Yes I would…SSI.) In addition, I have a two bedroom apartment. I am not willing to share a bedroom with you (I feel the same). You would have to sleep with the kids or I would have to sleep with the kids or one of us would have to sleep in the living room (OK, I will take the living room). Either way, this would be a temporary situation (Why? I am your wife and these are your children), but temporary to what? What is the end goal (to have stability for the children and I along with having James stop crying to me he wants to see you)? Us living together would be a transition, but what is on the other end of the transition (why do we have to leave?)? If your end goal is for us to get back together, I stopped reading your blog for a reason (why does this have to do with my blog?). Because it was hurtful (oh, get it now). Since going to counseling and CR, I have learned a few things about anger control (wished you had learned that years ago…maybe we would still be together now). Before mouthing back to someone, I ask myself three questions. Is it true? Is it kind? Is it necessary? You keep saying your blog is not a lie and you are right (so this means what I write is the truth…) . But is it necessary? To you it is. You have told me it is your place to “vent” but you vent at the cost of hurting my feelings (Let’s stop here and think about this. If you admitted my blog is the truth, you are hurt by my blog, then you are really hurt by the TRUTH. It is not my fault your actions hurt your feelings). You have never apologized for that (what? Speaking the truth. No, I have not). Nor should you (that sounds like a lie there. Otherwise why bring it up?). You are allowed to do whatever you want. I learned a long time ago I cannot control your thoughts and actions (but you did try really hard and when I did not follow along you punished me emotionally). I can only react to the things you do (the same here). So… because we can’t afford it (VERY WEAK argument) and this situation would be temporary … since you obviously still harbor a great deal of anger (yes but I asked for us to do couples therapy to help with that) and chose to “vent” the way you do (who else do I really get to talk to? Would you rather me talk to my mother? I think we both know how that turns out)…I think it would be better for you to move back to Alabama (I am sure you would…an option I talked to him about and where I have my parents). We will talk about how to do visitation then (why bother?).

John has no idea how much his text hurt me. That he would rather turn us away. I cried. James asked where did I get hurt…lol. That is what I ask him most of the time he cries. That day I placed a new ad for a nanny and I hoped for a miracle.

Thursday, December 13th – It was the babies 5th birthday. I cannot really call them babies any longer. They are getting big. Especially James. Margaret wanted Hello Kitty carrot cake and I was determined to give it to her. I wanted to make and have a big party for them but I could not. With the stress of trying to find a new nanny, missing work and the pending CPS visit I could not get it together. To be honest all I felt was depressed. Later in the day Alexa came over and I went out to buy the children balloons and cake. I bought chocolate cake mix and a carrot cake. I got a Hello Kitty cake topper for Margaret. I also got a candle that was the number 5. Previously I had gone to Party City and got some Hello Kitty decorations, party hats, streamers and a couple of other things. The birthday presents I got the children had come in the day before. While out my car died. It was the battery, then the bolt broke that clamps the terminal to the battery, then I had to cut that one off and install another one. It was a huge mess and now my car is not quite running right but after sinking all most $200 into repairing it I did not want to spend any more money at the moment. I wanted to make sure I have at least some money for Christmas and their birthday. I finally made it to where I was going and back home. I got back JUST in time because I had about 40 minutes before Alexa had to leave. I asked her to wrap all their gifts. Alexa was sweet enough to buy the children something for their birthday. So she went and wrapped the gifts. That girl is a really good gift wrapper! That gave me time to spend with the children. By the time she was done her dad arrived and brought over the gifts for the children. They were cute. James and Margaret got backrest pillows. James got a batman pillow while Margaret got a Hello Kitty. Joseph got a pillow pet. He immediately went to lay down on it…lol.

I let the children open presents. James is SO funny when he is opening the presents. He is so excited and having such a big time. James was the one with a vision on this birthday. He told me he wanted birthday party hats, streamers, cake, and ice cream. I am sure it was from watching Blue’s Clues. I did what I could to make that vision come true for him. I got him one of the things he has been wanting a LONG time (about a year!), a camera. He was SO happy when he got it…lol. John got Margaret a Hello Kitty (HK) pillow that she loves and I got her a HK backpack along with two small HK dolls that she call HK babies…lol. Joseph got a guitar/keyboard combo from me that lights up and John sent him ABC flashcards that are touch, feel and scented. The touch part is the braille for each letter. They are pretty cool. Good job! I had not seen those before. I have several cute pictures of the children. They were blowing out their candle and I could not good picture of them because they were moving too fast. So after we had some cake I was lighting the candle over and over again to try and get some more pictures of the children. In getting pictures of James he was going too fast so I thought I would shoot some video and see about trying to get a still out of it. I started the video and James does something that shocked me. He makes a wish before blowing out the candle. I don’t know where he got this idea except from Blue’s Clues maybe or Yo Gabba Gabba. He got the idea backwards but the thought is there. Listen to what he says…

James is basically saying he wants John to come here or us to go there. I am not sure what he meant but he wants to be back with his father. It broke my heart. I had tried to make his birthday special and yet he thinks about John and wanting to be with his daddy. 

Friday, December 14th – I was home yet again. I had no choice. I had a few people apply to the nanny position but I have yet had a chance to interview them all. So far there had been three and I had only spoken to one person that day. The rest of the day I was trying to enjoy with the children before the CPS worker showed up. Having not been with the children all day I had forgotten how busy they can keep someone. Personally, I like it. I know it makes me get up and run around with them. They were having fun trying to see what I was doing with my emails. I was able to get Natalie to come over and act as a witness when the CPS worker arrived. I was nervous. I knew I did not have to corporate with the investigation but on the other hand I wanted everything to go away so I wanted to corporate if I thought the CPS worker was being reasonable. I met her out on my front porch. I said I was confused as to why she was here. She said an anonymous complaint had been filed with CPS. She said she could not tell me who it was. I said ok. Then she said I was accused of neglect. She first asked me about the children. She asked about Joseph first. She said he was listed as developmentally delayed. Yes. Is that all of his diagnoses? I laughed and said no. She asked what they were and I said I would not be able to tell her off the top of my head. That the list was rather long. She said the first allegation was that I said Joseph had to be fed pureed food and I was feeding him stuffing causing a possible choking hazard for him. All I could think of is ARE YOU KIDDING ME??? I said I know the DDD worker who was in my house reported me because he was the ONLY person who has been in my house AND the ONLY person who would have seen me feed Joseph stuffing. The CPS worker promptly said she could not say and I told her it is obvious. I said I also told the DDD worker that Joseph ate tiny star pasta with baby food mixed in. Did he mention that? The CPS worker said no. I said Joseph can eat soft foods. He cannot chew the food. I tell people baby food because it is easier to explain and I do NOT trust other people to feed Joseph. Being his mother I know what he can and cannot tolerate. I said the stuffing was homemade and I knew exactly what was in it. I had tiny egg white pieces in it. The feeding therapist told me I had to practice with Joseph on eating things with more texture so that was what I was doing. Then we discussed Margaret. She said all the children were a concern with safety. I said that was right. That is why I have a chain lock on their bedroom door. I said I have tried to separate the children before but they cry when I have done that so they are all in the same room. I put the chain lock on the door so they cannot wander the house. I said Margaret is WELL DOCUMENTED having a problem with personal safety and safety in general. I asked if the DDD worker had mentioned that Margaret has brain damage. She CPS worker said no. I explained that Margaret had been diagnosed with brain damage and that information was given to the DDD. Was there any mention that she is autistic? Again, the CPS worker said no. I said Margaret has issues with speech. She understands fine but she cannot express much in free speech. We think that is due to the brain damage. I said if Margaret or Joseph got out of the home they cannot give any pertinent information about themselves like their full name or the address where they live. We talked about James and I said he was the smart one. He was the one that tends to release the other children. I said he just needs to see you do something once and he has it. That he is diagnosed as autistic and has issues with social interaction and emotional maturity. After talking for about an hour outside I invited the CPS worker into the house. I knew after talking to her she was NO WHERE close to having the full picture of the situation. I let her into the house and the kids ran up to her and said hello. The CPS worker then wanted to looking the refrigerator and see if there was food. I told her I had food on the counter in the middle of prep because I was about to make chicken pot pie. She looking in the refrigerator and it was STUFFED full. I then took her back to the bedroom. She looked at the lock. I showed her how I chained the door and then left it propped open to the length of the chain. She glanced and I said she needed to look through the opening. When she did I said notice how all the children’s beds are placed along the wall so I can see everyone when I look into the room. That was done on purpose. She said the locks were a fire hazard concern but they were not against the law. I told her right there if they are not against the law I am NOT going to remove them. I said I had talked to therapist and other people about what I should do with them once they got too big for the baby gate to hold them and it was agreed that a chain lock was the best idea. I said I was concerned about the safety and welfare of my children just as CPS was and that was why I lock them in at night. She asked about an alarm and I said I was concerned I would not hear it. I also said Margaret often wakes during the night and can do so multiple times. The CPS worker asked if she had been diagnosed as an insomniac but I said no one has done so yet. Knowing how Margaret refluxes and has constipation issues I would imagine that is why she is often up. In any case I said I would lose sleep and a sleep deprived caregiver and/or worker is not a good choice either. At that moment Margaret came down the hall and sat on the hamper. The CPS worker asked if she could talk to the children. I said sure as long as I was present. She said that was fine. I asked how she wanted to talk to first. She said Margaret since she was right there. I said that was fine but I warned her that Margaret has Hello Kitty on the brain and that was probably all she would talk about. So the CPS worker asked Margaret her name. Margaret said, “Hi, my name is Margaret.” So the worker asked her what is your last name and Margaret said, “Hi, my name is Margaret.” LOL At least Margaret proved my point that she cannot give pertinent information about herself. Then the CPS worker asker her another question (I don’t remember what she said) but Margaret started to talk about having Santa bring her a Hello Kitty chia pet…LOL. So the CPS worker gave up and asked to speak to the boys. I said that was fine but Joseph would probably not answer any questions and if he did he would most likely be repeating what she said. James was the one that could answer any questions but I said that would depend on his mood. The CPS worker asked Joseph a couple of questions. I did not hear what she asked but I know the answer for the first questions was “nuf-fing”(nothing)…lol. I think that is Joseph’s pat answer for most questions. He says it SO cute too! LOL I did not hear if he said anything to the second question but I doubt it since the CPS worker did not ask anything else. She then turned her attention to James. She asked him his name. He said, “My name is James.” So she asked him if he knew his last name. He said, “My names is James H. “ I was SO proud! You have no idea how much I have worked with him in saying that correctly! The CPS worker asked him a few other questions and I told her he was able to name off all the planets. He did and again I was proud! He did SUCH a good job! At the end the CPS worker was done and asked a few questions about me and John. I said I was not comfortable in answering questions that relate to John and she should talk to him herself. So that is how the visit went. I am not sure what will happen with the case nor when it might close but at least the visit has been completed. Saturday and Sunday – The kids kept me busy and I had no problem with that. I also used the time to get clothes washed and sorted for the children and myself. We had a nice time and James has been enjoy a math game John got him. Sort of like a Speak and Spell but with math. It is hard for James to do but he slowly starting to learn the math facts. This should be interesting after he has had it for a month or two…lol.
I will have to tell about the good things John did in a post tomorrow and all sorts of other adventures.

Tuesday, December 18, 2012

Still Searching...

There is SO much going on.  Where should I start?  I guess the first is the search for a new nanny.  I really think at this point that caring for the children full-time was too much for Bailey physically and that is the cause of most of the current problems.  I am looking for someone to shoulder the responsibility full-time.  It is VERY hard!  There have been several comments that the pay is too low.  Not very constructive criticism there!  LOL   I am well aware of that!  When I have contacted nanny services or daycares that could handle the children I was told the cost would be $2000 per month.  As a state worker that is about how much I bring home in pay.  John pays me $1000 and I currently get $600 from SSI ( I don't think that is going to last).  So I get $3600 a month.  By the time I pay rent, bills, groceries there is little left.  That money is ALL I have to pay for child care.  That is the way it is...I can't change anything at the moment.

Saturday, December 15, 2012

So Sad...

I have a lot to write but after reading all the horrible news I just can't.  My little babies celebrated their 5th Birthday yesterday.  I can barely imagine the devastation of the families in Connecticut and China.  :'(   I will post tomorrow.

Wednesday, December 12, 2012

Need A Nanny

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I was not able to find my Mary Poppins (read this if you want a more descriptive post of the position ) last time but I have not given up hope...

I am looking for a nanny for my disabled triplets.  They just turned five years old.  Please read the About Us tab to understand the children and their disabilities.  The caregiver must be at least 24.  From experience, so far,  people who are younger are not able to handle the stress of dealing with the children nor have the patience required.

The children have a schedule and you must follow the schedule. No changes to the schedule are to be made with prior authorization from me.  You need to know how to plan homeschool activities. You must be able to clean and prepare meals as needed along with cleaning the messes made by the children at the end of your day.

I am looking for someone who can drive.  You need to have the ability to take the children to private therapy and doctor appointments.

I need someone with a fingerprint clearance card so I know you have undergone a background check.

The hours I am looking for someone from  9am to 3pm from Monday to Friday.  These hours may increase due to work and other conditions.  So I need someone with some flexibility in their work schedule.

I am located in the Gilbert area near Gilbert High School.  The pay I am looking at is about $200 per week.  Do not apply if you are not comfortable with the pay.  I am a worker for the state of Arizona so I do not make much income and I do not get much in child support so $200 is about the limit of what I can pay.

My children are great kids.  They are loving and fun.  They need someone with high energy and can keep them engaged and busy throughout the day.  You will have to repeat things over and over again to them and be able to deal with a lot of noise  (you cannot tell them to sit still and be quiet all will NOT happen!).    If you think you can do these things please email me your resume at


Tuesday, December 11, 2012


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If you do not know what the title means I am not explaining it but it does describe my life at the moment...

I have to write this stuff down so I can get it off my mind and move on to other things that are more important….like work. I just can’t work or think at the moment when I am so upset and my mind is racing. People in the office are decorating for Christmas and I am not participating. I no longer feel in a good/happy mood. The day started out well enough. I went to bed fairly early and I got some good sleep. I woke up on my own at 4:30am and I was out the door by 5:30am. I stopped and picked up some breakfast for me and then I thought I would pick up a box of bagels for the office. Food is a great way to win friends and influence people in the office…lol.

I was having a pretty good day up until 12:30ish when I got a couple of calls in a row. I call the number back and I get the Gilbert Fire department. Keep in mind Bailey’s grandfather was at the house with her and the children until 12:00pm. I ask what is going on. The Fire Department said they are concerned that my caregiver (Bailey) is not competent to be with the children. That she is stumbling around. The FD told me that they had been out several times and they were concerned about Bailey being the children’s caregiver and were close to calling “other people” to help address the issue. I know what “other people” meant. It means CPS. I said this was the last straw and I was going to fire Bailey and look for another sitter. I know she loves the kids but she CANNOT continue to bring drama into my life. She started calling people as little as 10 minutes after Bill left the house. She called Access to take her to the Urgent Care and they would not because she did not have car seats for the children. I am not sure when she called Alexa, but one of the reasons I hired Alexa was for situations such as this, Alexa said she could come over at 2:30pm. Why could Bailey not have waited to call Access when she arrived? What about calling me or Bill? Instead she calls about every government aid thing she can think of because Access would not take her and the kids to Urgent Care right that minute. Plus, if she was fine when Bill left, what changed so fast in 15 minutes?

I told the fire fighter that I was going to fire Bailey. He said he did not want to influence my decision. Was he kidding? If you tell me you are close to involving “other people” and I already have CPS investigating the family why would I give CPS any additional ammunition?  I have to find someone else full-time. I am not sure how that is going to happen but I am going to try. I am done with the drama. When I got the phone call on what was happening I went into a corner office and cried. I called my father and told him I could not do this anymore. The stress is killing me! The drama from Bailey, my job, CPS, wanting to be with the children, and finding a quality caregiver. I just can’t do this. I said I was wanting to go home to Alabama. I may love my job but I love my children more.  And how can I do my job when I am so stressed I am crying in an office at work?

My dad said don’t give up yet. He said he was going to help me try and find a new caregiver. I am going to look too. I just called the paper to see about putting an ad in the Arizona Republic. The CHEAPEST help wanted ad you can place in the paper is $376! I can’t afford that! I am going to place another ad in Craig’s List and sign up for I can do BOTH of those things and it will cost me less than half the cost of placing an ad. That I can afford. I am not sure what I can do about tomorrow. My guess is I will have to stay home.  Tomorrow is another day. Bill was a champ and went home for me today. He was there about 20 minutes after I called so just a little after 1pm. He said he would stay until Alexa arrived today. I will talk to Alexa and see if she can work every day until I can find someone else. As for my work…I am not sure what I can do. Again, that is for tomorrow. One day (problem) at a time!

Monday, December 10, 2012

Does Anyone Have A DeLorean I Can I Borrow?

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I would image you would have to be at least 20 to even get that reference….lol. I would love to have a time machine so I could go back in time and re-do some of the things in my life. The most recent incident is allowing the DDD to come into my home. Here I was trying to get a some benefits for my children and instead I get CPS sent to my house instead. It is an awful feeling of dread every moment you know they are investigating you. I took a Benadryl last night because my eczema is starting to flare up…I imagine due to stress… and I overslept. When I work up it was still dark out and I had not heard any conscious noises but I did see out my window flashing lights. My first thought was to panic and that CPS was here to take away the children. As it turns out the flashing lights was the garbage truck but it gave me a momentary start. What a horrible way to wake up plus I was running behind in getting to work. Not a good way to start my Monday!

Since I last posted I spent Thursday night in such distress I was crying and up until 1am. I was worried the CPS worker was going to show up and take the children from me before their birthday. Though I am not worried about not getting the children back I was worried that I might miss their birthday because she can take them (potentially) for up to 72 hours (might be 48). It would be my luck she would take them and the time would extend over their birthday. James has been talking about his birthday for WEEKS and I do not want to disappoint! It looks like we are going to do a glow-in-the-dark themed party. I have to check out some party supplies but I think I can get everything done. Margaret has requested a Hello Kitty carrot cake. I will see what I can do…lol. James wants a chocolate cake with vanilla icing. That will be easy enough. Joseph hasn't made any requests so I am giving him the same thing. There are so many details to the party I have to take care of but I am hoping I can get it all done in time. I am going to try!

As a side bar…John complains I never say anything nice about him in the blog. Usually that is because I am complaining about him. I have to say though on Wednesday I had called and let him know what was going on and to be prepared for a potential phone call. When I said what was going on with CPS he was really annoyed. He could not believe that something so small had been blown so out of portion. On Thursday night, while I was stressing out and crying, I texted John. I woke him up but he texted me back. We texted back and forth for an hour. He did his best to try and reassure me that not only am I right about what I am going concerning the lock on the door at night but reminded me of a few other important things I needed to do. He was a champ and even made me laugh at the end. I needed that! So I wanted to more “formally” say, thank you!

I reached out to my network of Facebook friends. I know several of them have been investigated/harassed by CPS over the years. One friend I have has become, essentially, an advocate against CPS. We spoke at length and she told me that I had rights and where I could access the laws that govern what CPS can and cannot do in Arizona. Being a fellow state worker I understand the CPS work’s job is important but she is barking up the wrong tree in this case. Currently I work as an environmental planner. This means I am familiar with finding statues (state and federal), reading, interrupting and applying law. Now that I know I have rights and what they are it makes me a bit more at ease but at any moment the CPS worker can go and declare the children a dependent of the court and at least take the children from me for at least a few days. On the other hand this woman has already violated state law herself. Arizona Revised Statues state…

8-803. Limitation of authority; duty to inform

A. On initial contact with a parent, guardian or custodian under
investigation pursuant to this article, a child protective services
worker shall inform the family, both verbally and in writing, making
reasonable efforts to receive written acknowledgement from the parent,
guardian, or custodian, of receipt of all of the following

1. That the family is under investigation by the department.
2. The specific complaint or allegation made against that person.
3. That the worker has no legal authority to compel the family to
cooperate with the investigation or to receive protective services
offered pursuant to the investigation.
4. The worker's authority to petition the juvenile court for a
determination that a child is dependent.
5. The person's right to participate in a mediation program in the
attorney general's office. The worker shall provide the telephone
number of the attorney general's office mediation program.
6. The person's right to file a complaint with the ombudsman-citizen
aide pursuant to section 41-1376. The worker shall provide the
telephone number of the ombudsman-citizen aide.
7. The person's right to appeal determinations made by child
protective services.
8. Information outlining parental rights under the laws of the state.

So far the CPS worker has said nothing besides that she wants to ask questions and see the children. I have yet to hear anything on WHO is being investigated, WHY we are being investigated or we have RIGHTS. I can guess at the information but I am not sure. When I called and spoke the CPS worker on Friday she said she would not be able to come to the house that day. She was working on-call and might be called away so she wanted to wait for another day. I said that was fine. She asked if I could meet early on another day next week and I said I could arrange it to be that way. Since I work we are expected to be in the office Tuesday to Thursday without fail. She asked if Friday would be better and I said yes. She moved the time to 4:30pm. I told her that worked even better for me. Now we have an appointment set for this Friday at 4:30pm. In that initial contact and first phone call the CPS worker started off the conversation in a hostile time with me saying, “I never got to see the children.” She said it in such a rush I did not even understand what she said. I said, “Excuse me?” The CPS worker than stated again, “I never got to see the children. There is only a 3 inch crack in the door and I could not see them.” I told her, “I never said you did. I said you were SCARING my children and I wanted to make sure it stopped.” The CPS worker said she did not do that either. I pushed it off as Bailey can be melodramatic so calm things down. I said I would meet with her on that Friday at the house. What I did not tell her is that I still have of intention of letting her inside. Now that I know I do not have to cooperate with the investigation I do not plan to except as it basically pleases me. The police came by the house and saw nothing was wrong. If so I know he would have stated as such and the children would have been removed. I am now working on getting a copy of the police report.

So this week I get to stress about the CPS visit, try and finish up things for my children’s birthday party, send out the invites today and tomorrow for the party, go to work and try to be present in my job, and I am sure do a load of other things I cannot even think about at the moment. Life is hectic!

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Over the weekend I did get something done. I needs to get more birthday supplies. James has a VERY certain scenario set up for his birthday in his head and I want to make as much of that happen as I can. Sunday we went out to the park for two hours. It was SUCH a nice day. I found the nicest little park called John Allen park near our home. It was just the right size for the children to play and it was not busy like Freestone Park. Plus there was easy access to the park for Joseph. While there though Joseph fell down some steps. He had been going up the steps several times but I had been there to make sure he made it up ok. There are a lot of stairs and they are rather steep. Each time he made it up with one problem. He would go to the other side of the playground equipment and slide down the spiral side. He was having a blast! James was running around and I saw Joseph playing in the sand. I left him and sat down with James to get his shoes on. As I was getting James’ shoes on I her Joseph crying (but not the “bad” crying when you know someone is SUPER hurt). He is sitting at the base of the stairs. The other little girls who were at the park go over to him. I finish tying James’ shoe so he would not lose it and go over. I pick Joseph up and I see a HUGE goose egg starting to rise right between his head. I could tell somehow he had started to go up the stair and then fell. As I looked at him later he had a couple of more places. My poor baby! All I can say is I am glad he avoided his mouth. With all the dental issues he has had because of falls like this I am glad he did not crack a tooth or bust his lip. I wish I knew why he has been SO delayed in walking and seems to have such major balance issues. I am hoping the developmental pediatrician will have some answers. He has an appointment to be seen in February. Can you believe I made the appointment in August BEFORE I had even left Vegas?

Today is Monday and I have to find a party supply place. I think I will be trying to get in early to work for the rest of the week so I can make up some time. I want to take half the day off on Friday so I can get the last things done for their party. I am REALLY looking forward to the celebration and surprising the children!

Wednesday, December 5, 2012

When It Rains It Pours...Again

When it rains it pours.  Here I am trying to get the DDD involved so I can get services for the children (such as respite and therapy).  Instead the DDD guy gets Child Protective Services (CPS) involved.  We had the police here last night.  The police man said he COMPLETELY understood why I had a chain lock on the door at night.  Today, near 1pm, a CPS worker stopped by the house.  Bailey did as I asked.  She did not let her in.  The woman said she wanted to come in.  Bailey said no and said the police where here last night and found no issues so WHY was she out here.  The lady said SHE had to ask questions of the family and talk to the children.  Bailey said she was not comfortable with giving out information on the children without me present.  In the end the lady gave Bailey her card and said to have me call her.

I have now called an attorney.  This is the first time I have dealt with CPS and I know enough from others that I have to be cautious.  Affording an attorney this time of year will be hard but worth it!

Fire Trucks, Ambulances and Police, Oh My!

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I am the winner of the Powerball ticket in Arizona....NOT!  LOL!  It was wishful thinking while I could do it though.  What I could have done with the money.  The winner's share is something like 136 MILLION dollars.  It would have been SO nice to have the money.  I would have left my work in a heartbeat.  I miss my children SO bad.  I would have gone back home to be with them.  After I paid the rent for the rest of the lease where I am at and give Bailey and her grandfather the house to live in rent free for that time.  I would have given one million to Bailey in a trust.  She could get the interest from the trust each year.  Her grandfather I would have bought him another car and given him 500,000 to get started with what he would like to do.  My children are easy.  I would have set up a trust for Jerrin.  He is not working currently and my grand-baby is on the way. I would have set up a 5 million dollar trust for him where he got the interest.  I would have bought the $60,000 home they (Jerrin and his fiance) were wanting and given them 100,000 to renovate and redecorate it.  Caitlin I would have set up a 5 million dollar trust also. She could have the interest as spending money.  I would pay for any college she could get accepted in.  Currently she is in college and I think she would stay there but I would offer to pay the entire bill.  I know that would take a HUGE worry off her head.  So that would be about 12 million or so.

Next I would have gone to Las Vegas.  I would have gone back to where I consider home.  I would have bought a 5 to 10 million dollar home.  I would not want the size of the house as much as the land.  I want LOTS of space for the kids to roam and play.  That is SO much money I have no idea what kind of house that would even buy in Vegas.  I would think the 5 million dollar house would cover all I need with the space and a pool (for fun and therapy).  I would also want to get some sort of small house near my parents in Alabama so we had a place to stay when we went to visit.  I would pay off my parent's home.  I would also offer my grandmother a place to stay anywhere she wished.  She is all most 80 and it would be nice to give her somewhere that is nice AND where she wants to live.  I would give my in-laws money to pay them back form all their help and I would even give John some money so he could pay off his bills and buy a car.  I would set up a trust for Margaret, James and Joseph.  Margaret and James I would set up with 10 million and Joseph with 20 million.  I would be able to write an advance directive for Joseph (and Margaret too for right now) to make sure they will be able to be looked after and have a nice life after I am gone.  I would save 30 million and pay for all the things I want to do for me and the children (care givers, doctors, therapy, other medical and anything else they need).  That is 70 million. Plus the 12 million from earlier and I still have about FIFTY MILLION left to spend!!!  It would be SO great to help out all the nice people who have helped me along the way and then to be able to give to others. I know I would give money to all my friends.  They are all, sadly, as broke as I am.  It would be nice to pay off their homes, buy them equipment they need for their children or do one of the many other things I know they need.  I would LOVE to help people in a thoughtful and personal way.  I could go back and do one of my FAVORITE things in the world to do... random acts of kindness to people who have NO idea it is coming.

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Now that the daydream is over...back to reality.  LOL!!!  I took today off from work because Chris (a worker from the Department of Economic Security, Division of Developmental Disabilities (DDD), Children's Unit) told me it would take ALL day to go over the information he needed for all three children.  Bailey had a doctor's appointment scheduled for the day .  I took the entire day off.  I missed a HUGE meeting that I had to ask my boss' boss to attend for me.  Then I had another meeting I was missing that I had to ask my boss to please take minutes for me plus I had a paper I needed to review.  Sigh!  Bailey later informs me that she cannot make her appointment since she did not call early enough to arrange a ride.  So she cancels her appointment. Sigh!  I could have done the DDD appointment some other day but it was too late now.  The guy from the DDD came over this morning.  He was here from 8:30am until right at noon.  During our interview we discussed a lot of topics.  I kept telling him over and over again how the children have LOTS of safety issues.  I mentioned I put a have a lock on the children's door.  I said I used to use a baby gate but James got so big he could easily pull down the baby gate so I had to put a lock on the door.  The guy had this look on his face and I said I had a problem with them wandering off so I had to make sure they could not do that at night while I might be sleeping.  Not once did he ask any questions or wanted to see their room.  I had to make some copies of things for the DDD worker so I went into Bailey's room to ask if her printer had paper in it.  When I went in she told me she had been having a migraine today and she was about to have a seizure.  She asked I wait a moment and look in on her.  I said ok.  I stayed and watched the seizure.  It was about a minute long and pretty mild.  She seemed to be coming back around and I said I would be back in a second.  I left the room to check on the copies I was making and went back after I heard a noise in Bailey's bedroom.  I walk back in and she is in another seizure.  I stayed a watched over her.  She was gasping and gagging because her breathing was interrupted.  This one last all most three minutes.  I go back out and tell the guy from the DDD his copies were ready and he needed to go.  I was going to call an ambulance since Bailey was having seizures.

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He left and as I went back Bailey came walking out of her room.  I asked her if she is ok.  She said she was confused.  I told her she was ok but she had two seizures in about five minutes.  She lays down on a pallet in the living room.  I asked where her meds are and she tells me so I get them.  When I come back into the room I was there for just a few seconds and she had another seizure with the kids there.  James asked what was happening.  I said Bailey was sick and mommy was going to call 911.  I called 911 and the kids were going nuts.  They knew the police or someone was going to come over.  As I am on the phone with 911 they put me through to the Gilbert Fire Department.  I mention fire department the kids run around making fire truck noises.

I hang up with the fire department.  They were there in five minutes.  By then Bailey was starting to come around a little.  The firemen (yes, they were cute!) were asking her a lot of questions and helped load her into an ambulance that took her to the hospital.  James was VERY concerned for Bailey.  He kept telling me we had to go and get her.  I said we had to wait until she called and then we would get her. At three-ish in the afternoon Bailey called and asked if I would take her over to the local urgent care so she could get pain medicine to stop the migraine.  I said sure.  Earlier in the week Bailey and the children made letters to Santa.  I said I wanted to go to the post office and send off the letters to Santa and then I would stop and get her something to drink before taking her to urgent care.  She said ok.

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I went to pick her up from the hospital.  We got to the post office and I went in with James and Margaret.  Bailey and a sleeping Joseph waiting in the car.  Another kid was in the post office and the mom even thanked me for bringing them. LOL  They all played.  She should have been thankful though since she was NOT paying attention to her son and I stopped him bring having his fingers pinched in a door and stop him from spitting in the floor. Oh my!  LOL  It took 40 minutes waiting to send the letters to Santa.  I sent them to North Pole, Alaska. (Follow the link to see how) I have never done this before but it seems like it will be fun!

After getting something to drink I took Bailey to Urgent Care.  She wanted to take James with her for company.  Huh?  Really?  Okay!  LOL  James is really good on his own so I figured he would behave for her. Joseph, Margaret and I went home.  I let them play outside and I tried to get some things picked up.  As I am starting to write in the blog Bill arrives home.  After he comes home I call Bailey to check up on her and to try and give her grandfather information.  He has me talk to him for a bit about making meals.  He said he was about to be paid and he was going to buy groceries.  He was then going to cook.  He was asking what I like.  To be honest I HIGHLY doubt there is anything they would eat that I would not eat too.  It would be me and the children who would eat "weird" stuff like Indian food. LOL   I LOVE all sorts of things and so do the children.  The biggest things we talked about was buying food specifically for meals and getting fresh fruits and vegetables.

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I leave again.  Bill volunteers to watch Margaret and Joseph while I go and get Bailey and James.  I pick them up from the urgent care and then take them to the pharmacy.  At the pharmacy Bailey gets her pain medicine.  I take us back home.  I was about 7:40pm when we got back.  As I come in Bill said the Gilbert police had stopped by.  I asked why.  Bill said, the policeman said,  he was responding to a call from child protective services. What???   Bill said the office mentioned the call said the children were being locked in their room.  The way the officer made it sound was that we were keeping the kids locked in the room all day.  The officer said he wanted to come inside and look.  Bill said it was not a problem.  He went and made sure he put the baby gates up and took the officer to their room.  He showed the officer the chain lock.  Bill explained that the children were disabled and to keep them safe at night we lock them in their room.  The chain lock on the door allows them to open it and yell for help in the morning.  We let them out. They are not imprisoned in the room in any way.  The officer look in the room and saw the Christmas lights I had put up, their beds and toys in the room.  He saw the lock on the bedroom door and front door.  He said he completely understood why the lock was there and he had no idea why he was called out.  He said he would write in up what he saw in his report to Child Protective Services and let them know the children were fine.

I am rather upset with my case worker, Chris, from the DDD.  I had explained to him WHY I did that. I had said James could pull down a baby gate.  I said OVER AND OVER again how they were a danger.  They had issues with safety and wandering.  OMG!  So now I am thinking about getting a copy of the report if I can.  I want to know what was said.  Then I think I may file a complaint.  At the very least I will be switching case workers! Anyone have any advice here?  I have to say I am feeling rather betrayed.  Plus if anyone else have any ideas on keeping them safe that is better than the chain locks I would be happy to hear the ideas!

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So that was my day.  It is now near midnight and I need to go to bed to get up at 4am tomorrow.  I have to mention John though.  It just would not be a blog post without saying something.  Sigh!  I recently was talking to John and he said his father called and asked him if he was planning to see the kids for Christmas.  The children will be turning FIVE on December 13th and then Christmas.  John was not planning to be here! In John's defense his mother has been fighting aggressive breast cancer for a while now.  She just finished treatment and (from my understanding) she is doing okay (I would not say well).  John's father offers to help him see the children or go home and see his parents and family for a week.  John decides to head back home.  On one hand I understand his decision.  On the other hand I am angry.  I know his mom has been VERY sick but she is also an adult.  The children on the other hand do not understand what is going on.  James is a HUGE daddy's boy.  He calls John basically EVERYDAY even though John often does not talk to him long (battery dying, holiday party and classes).  James cries at least twice a week wanting his daddy. He is CONSTANTLY asking me... where is daddy, is daddy coming, daddy is coming to Phoenix, we are going to Vegas, can we move to Vegas and other variations. When I say no, James cries. John has NO plans to see the children.  I told him I was going to try and get us up there at the end of January.  It is the soonest I can have enough money to try and rent a car.  There is NO way I would rely on my van at the moment to make it there. Even tonight James was telling me that John would be coming to Phoenix tomorrow.  I had to correct him again.  He was sad but I said I would do what I could to take him there in January.  He thinks that is next week but there is no way for me to explain the time issue to him.

John whines to me about not having enough money to come and see them but he has enough time to nap, workout, have no children, only one job and no room mates.  So of course he could not have the time to do anything to earn any extra money to come and see them.  Heck, a room mate does not even involve a lot of effort on his part and would save him at LEAST $300 a month!  Got to leave that room open though for the children (who may be there for two months during the summer...what about them staying in HIS room?) UGH!  I am sure part of the reason I am frustrated is that I have little to no time to get what *I* need done for me OR the children!  I am tired!  Can I get some respite now?

Joseph taking the meaning of stocking literally!

Tuesday, November 27, 2012

Random Thoughts and the Powerball

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I have been trying to get a post up but there always seems to be a problem of some sort. I have good intentions but it is just not happening so I am going to give up and start writing the posts during my break and lunch at work. What else am I going to do?

Thanksgiving was nice. I spent about $300 in groceries and was able to fill the refrigerator and pantry with food. I like when that happens! For Thanksgiving day I cooked turkey, sweet potato casserole and green bean casserole. Bailey and her grandfather were there too. Bill stayed busy Thanksgiving day decorating the house with Christmas lights and putting up the tree. Bailey was my assistant and she helped me cook while I was showing her what I was doing. The next day I deboned the turkey and made two large pans of stuffing long with turkey and dumplings. The turkey and dumplings came out SUPER good! YUM!!! The next day I made some pasties (I think I spelled that right…LOL). It is basically a pot pie that you can hold in your hand or maybe a savory turnover. It is pie crust that has been cut and sealed. The filling was ground beef, carrots, celery and potato. It is yummy! That night, with Bailey’s help, I made enchilada casserole. I left the black beans out (because I forgot :(  ) but it was still VERY yummy and Margaret stuffed her face. That girls LOVES Mexican food!
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At work an email went out for people to adopt a child for Christmas (Angel Tree). I could have signed us up but instead I picked out a child to adopt for Christmas. As poor as we are, lacking furniture, and a lot of other things I am thankful we have made it to Arizona and I have a job. The little girl is three and her wish was to have Hello Kitty – anything. At the moment Margaret is SO into Hello Kitty that this Christmas wish just stuck out to me. I had already seen a lot of things that were Hello Kitty at Target for a dollar. I had picked Margaret up a few of the things. So I went back before everything was gone and got some more for our Angel. I will also pick up a pillow or throw. 

I have to buy the children stuff for Christmas. It is so hard because there really is no furniture in the house but on the other hand the children’s birthday (Dec. 13th) AND Christmas are coming. John has only come out once to see the children so far. He asked me if I was going to bring them up to Vegas for December and I said I could not. Not only is my car not near as new as his, it is a gas guzzler and I am having brake issues (and who knows what other mechanical problems…sigh) that I cannot come. I told him the money it would cost would leave me nothing to spend for their birthday or Christmas. I had already told him I have Bailey and her grandfather live with me to economize money (plus I like the company…lol). I asked him if he had a roommate in his place since it is two bedrooms and the children are no longer there to use the room. He said no! This is after he complained to me about not having enough money. I just do not understand. He said he wanted to keep the room open when he gets the kids they will have a place to stay. Then we argued about him keeping the children on his insurance. I was saying it would be cheaper for him to let me cover them since he is fully covered for medical by his work. He wanted to keep the insurance so IF he had to take the children to the doctor while he had them then he would not have a co-pay. Really? This makes no sense either. Plus the kids would be triple insured. My insurance from would be primary, his insurance would be secondary (which really only works in the Vegas area) and AZ Medicaid would be last. Since his insurance will not want to cover anything then the Medicaid, most likely, would not pick up the rest.

John also complained to me about what I have said about him in the blog. I told him I try to be honest. In fairness I thought I had mentioned, but apparently never finished the post, about me moving. John did help move us out of the hotel and into the house. I appreciated the help. I really did. The problem is that it is a little help he gave when there is SO much he is doing to either not help or drive me nuts. He said he never talks bad about me in public. True, but he had plenty of bad things to say to me to our friends and family privately. I do bash him sometimes on here but I told him this is where I vent things when I am angry. He said I should talk to my friends. What friends? Krissi, my best friend in California, has different hours than I do. We used to talk at night but now that I get up at 4am I have to be asleep by 10pm (hopefully!). So we do not really get to talk much. My mother, who I like talking to and keeps me up on family gossip, is also often busy with my nephew. Jennifer, a good friend in Florida, is often busy too. That is basically all the friends I have to talk to. It is weird because I have Bailey and her grandfather living with me and I enjoy the company but on the other hand I do not want to tell them more than they read in the blog. I do not want to over burden ANYONE with all the crap I have going on in my life, the things I am unhappy about, and what I want to change/do in the future. It is hard to hold most everything in and not have anyone to tell my problems to (even if it just to listen).

Bailey is starting to go nuts concerning the children. I think she is too harsh with them (James in particular) but she thinks I am too lax. Then when I come home kids go nuts because I am there and the rules change. I agree with her but we need to find some sort of medium. With the hiring of Alexa, a high school student, on Monday, Wednesday and Friday (from 3pm to 6pm) I am hoping it will give Bailey a break and she might be able to show Bailey and I some other ways to try and get the children to comply with what we are wanting out of them. I am willing to try. It is hard to leave the children. It hurt me the other day when, after the long Thanksgiving weekend, Bailey tells me that tomorrow will be hell. I asked her why and she said because you will be gone. I understand her point of view but shouldn't you wake up every day with a positive attitude? You could make that a self-fulfilling prophecy by thinking that way. It hurt going to work on Monday knowing that was how she felt about James and the day in general. It is hard to leave my children. I am still trying to adjust. I am already having to take the day off from work on December 4th to meet with the DDD to see if the children qualify for services in Arizona. I am hoping they will be helpful and qualify all the children for services. If they do I might be able to get Bailey a break.

Christmas and the children’s birthday is coming. I am posting the Christmas/Birthday wishes online. Maybe the children will get something from Santa Claus…lol


The boy LOVES books. He needs books on the second and third grade level. He also could use some math help of some sort. Math is hard for him to understand unless I have beads or something for him to count. A chalkboard would be awesome. Dry erase would be good too. Mom would like the chalk to keep from making a mess.


Joseph would do well with anything that can help him with Braille skills. He is not fully blind but I want him to learn Braille so if something happened he would already know it. He loves anything music (Bailey might hate me for this one). Drums of some sort would be nice (keep in mind ALL the children would want to play them so they would have to be durable). Joseph loves music and lights. Any pre-school learning materials would be nice too.


She is in DIRE need of clothes. She has out grown everything. She is a 3T to 4T in pants and a 4T shirt. She could also use some more shoes. She wears a size 10. Margaret LOVES Hello Kitty right now so ANYTHING Hello Kitty would be great. I also want to get her a twin matters. Just a mattress would be ok and I could sit it in the floor.


I need another ROKU for the children. It allows me to stream TV without the commercials. The regular TV is teaching the children a lot of bad habits and Margaret is starting to sounds like an infomercial. I would LOVE to have a gift card to Old Navy or Romans. I NEED work clothes and Old Navy and Romans have clothes that fit and would look nice for work. Mom also BADLY needs an elliptical to work out at home.  Maybe I can work off some of my stress!  Anyone have a used one taking up space?  :)

So that us our Christmas wish list. Wednesday is the PowerBall lottery. I went in with the office pool. The jackpot is estimated to be $500 million dollars. I would LOVE it if I could win…lol. I HIGHLY doubt it but I can dream…