FML

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If you do not know what the title means I am not explaining it but it does describe my life at the moment...

I have to write this stuff down so I can get it off my mind and move on to other things that are more important….like work. I just can’t work or think at the moment when I am so upset and my mind is racing. People in the office are decorating for Christmas and I am not participating. I no longer feel in a good/happy mood. The day started out well enough. I went to bed fairly early and I got some good sleep. I woke up on my own at 4:30am and I was out the door by 5:30am. I stopped and picked up some breakfast for me and then I thought I would pick up a box of bagels for the office. Food is a great way to win friends and influence people in the office…lol.

I was having a pretty good day up until 12:30ish when I got a couple of calls in a row. I call the number back and I get the Gilbert Fire department. Keep in mind Bailey’s grandfather was at the house with her and the children until 12:00pm. I ask what is going on. The Fire Department said they are concerned that my caregiver (Bailey) is not competent to be with the children. That she is stumbling around. The FD told me that they had been out several times and they were concerned about Bailey being the children’s caregiver and were close to calling “other people” to help address the issue. I know what “other people” meant. It means CPS. I said this was the last straw and I was going to fire Bailey and look for another sitter. I know she loves the kids but she CANNOT continue to bring drama into my life. She started calling people as little as 10 minutes after Bill left the house. She called Access to take her to the Urgent Care and they would not because she did not have car seats for the children. I am not sure when she called Alexa, but one of the reasons I hired Alexa was for situations such as this, Alexa said she could come over at 2:30pm. Why could Bailey not have waited to call Access when she arrived? What about calling me or Bill? Instead she calls about every government aid thing she can think of because Access would not take her and the kids to Urgent Care right that minute. Plus, if she was fine when Bill left, what changed so fast in 15 minutes?

I told the fire fighter that I was going to fire Bailey. He said he did not want to influence my decision. Was he kidding? If you tell me you are close to involving “other people” and I already have CPS investigating the family why would I give CPS any additional ammunition?  I have to find someone else full-time. I am not sure how that is going to happen but I am going to try. I am done with the drama. When I got the phone call on what was happening I went into a corner office and cried. I called my father and told him I could not do this anymore. The stress is killing me! The drama from Bailey, my job, CPS, wanting to be with the children, and finding a quality caregiver. I just can’t do this. I said I was wanting to go home to Alabama. I may love my job but I love my children more.  And how can I do my job when I am so stressed I am crying in an office at work?

My dad said don’t give up yet. He said he was going to help me try and find a new caregiver. I am going to look too. I just called the paper to see about putting an ad in the Arizona Republic. The CHEAPEST help wanted ad you can place in the paper is $376! I can’t afford that! I am going to place another ad in Craig’s List and sign up for Care.com. I can do BOTH of those things and it will cost me less than half the cost of placing an ad. That I can afford. I am not sure what I can do about tomorrow. My guess is I will have to stay home.  Tomorrow is another day. Bill was a champ and went home for me today. He was there about 20 minutes after I called so just a little after 1pm. He said he would stay until Alexa arrived today. I will talk to Alexa and see if she can work every day until I can find someone else. As for my work…I am not sure what I can do. Again, that is for tomorrow. One day (problem) at a time!