Still Searching...

There is SO much going on.  Where should I start?  I guess the first is the search for a new nanny.  I really think at this point that caring for the children full-time was too much for Bailey physically and that is the cause of most of the current problems.  I am looking for someone to shoulder the responsibility full-time.  It is VERY hard!  There have been several comments that the pay is too low.  Not very constructive criticism there!  LOL   I am well aware of that!  When I have contacted nanny services or daycares that could handle the children I was told the cost would be $2000 per month.  As a state worker that is about how much I bring home in pay.  John pays me $1000 and I currently get $600 from SSI ( I don't think that is going to last).  So I get $3600 a month.  By the time I pay rent, bills, groceries there is little left.  That money is ALL I have to pay for child care.  That is the way it is...I can't change anything at the moment.

So Sad...

I have a lot to write but after reading all the horrible news I just can't.  My little babies celebrated their 5th Birthday yesterday.  I can barely imagine the devastation of the families in Connecticut and China.  :'(   I will post tomorrow.

Need A Nanny

Photo Credit: charlotteparent.com

I was not able to find my Mary Poppins (read this if you want a more descriptive post of the position ) last time but I have not given up hope...

I am looking for a nanny for my disabled triplets.  They just turned five years old.  Please read the About Us tab to understand the children and their disabilities.  The caregiver must be at least 24.  From experience, so far,  people who are younger are not able to handle the stress of dealing with the children nor have the patience required.

The children have a schedule and you must follow the schedule. No changes to the schedule are to be made with prior authorization from me.  You need to know how to plan homeschool activities. You must be able to clean and prepare meals as needed along with cleaning the messes made by the children at the end of your day.

I am looking for someone who can drive.  You need to have the ability to take the children to private therapy and doctor appointments.

I need someone with a fingerprint clearance card so I know you have undergone a background check.

The hours I am looking for someone from  9am to 3pm from Monday to Friday.  These hours may increase due to work and other conditions.  So I need someone with some flexibility in their work schedule.

I am located in the Gilbert area near Gilbert High School.  The pay I am looking at is about $200 per week.  Do not apply if you are not comfortable with the pay.  I am a worker for the state of Arizona so I do not make much income and I do not get much in child support so $200 is about the limit of what I can pay.

My children are great kids.  They are loving and fun.  They need someone with high energy and can keep them engaged and busy throughout the day.  You will have to repeat things over and over again to them and be able to deal with a lot of noise  (you cannot tell them to sit still and be quiet all day...it will NOT happen!).    If you think you can do these things please email me your resume at murigheal72@yahoo.com

Thanks!

FML

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If you do not know what the title means I am not explaining it but it does describe my life at the moment...

I have to write this stuff down so I can get it off my mind and move on to other things that are more important….like work. I just can’t work or think at the moment when I am so upset and my mind is racing. People in the office are decorating for Christmas and I am not participating. I no longer feel in a good/happy mood. The day started out well enough. I went to bed fairly early and I got some good sleep. I woke up on my own at 4:30am and I was out the door by 5:30am. I stopped and picked up some breakfast for me and then I thought I would pick up a box of bagels for the office. Food is a great way to win friends and influence people in the office…lol.

I was having a pretty good day up until 12:30ish when I got a couple of calls in a row. I call the number back and I get the Gilbert Fire department. Keep in mind Bailey’s grandfather was at the house with her and the children until 12:00pm. I ask what is going on. The Fire Department said they are concerned that my caregiver (Bailey) is not competent to be with the children. That she is stumbling around. The FD told me that they had been out several times and they were concerned about Bailey being the children’s caregiver and were close to calling “other people” to help address the issue. I know what “other people” meant. It means CPS. I said this was the last straw and I was going to fire Bailey and look for another sitter. I know she loves the kids but she CANNOT continue to bring drama into my life. She started calling people as little as 10 minutes after Bill left the house. She called Access to take her to the Urgent Care and they would not because she did not have car seats for the children. I am not sure when she called Alexa, but one of the reasons I hired Alexa was for situations such as this, Alexa said she could come over at 2:30pm. Why could Bailey not have waited to call Access when she arrived? What about calling me or Bill? Instead she calls about every government aid thing she can think of because Access would not take her and the kids to Urgent Care right that minute. Plus, if she was fine when Bill left, what changed so fast in 15 minutes?

I told the fire fighter that I was going to fire Bailey. He said he did not want to influence my decision. Was he kidding? If you tell me you are close to involving “other people” and I already have CPS investigating the family why would I give CPS any additional ammunition?  I have to find someone else full-time. I am not sure how that is going to happen but I am going to try. I am done with the drama. When I got the phone call on what was happening I went into a corner office and cried. I called my father and told him I could not do this anymore. The stress is killing me! The drama from Bailey, my job, CPS, wanting to be with the children, and finding a quality caregiver. I just can’t do this. I said I was wanting to go home to Alabama. I may love my job but I love my children more.  And how can I do my job when I am so stressed I am crying in an office at work?

My dad said don’t give up yet. He said he was going to help me try and find a new caregiver. I am going to look too. I just called the paper to see about putting an ad in the Arizona Republic. The CHEAPEST help wanted ad you can place in the paper is $376! I can’t afford that! I am going to place another ad in Craig’s List and sign up for Care.com. I can do BOTH of those things and it will cost me less than half the cost of placing an ad. That I can afford. I am not sure what I can do about tomorrow. My guess is I will have to stay home.  Tomorrow is another day. Bill was a champ and went home for me today. He was there about 20 minutes after I called so just a little after 1pm. He said he would stay until Alexa arrived today. I will talk to Alexa and see if she can work every day until I can find someone else. As for my work…I am not sure what I can do. Again, that is for tomorrow. One day (problem) at a time!

Does Anyone Have A DeLorean I Can I Borrow?

Photo Credit: Forbes.com

I would image you would have to be at least 20 to even get that reference….lol. I would love to have a time machine so I could go back in time and re-do some of the things in my life. The most recent incident is allowing the DDD to come into my home. Here I was trying to get a some benefits for my children and instead I get CPS sent to my house instead. It is an awful feeling of dread every moment you know they are investigating you. I took a Benadryl last night because my eczema is starting to flare up…I imagine due to stress… and I overslept. When I work up it was still dark out and I had not heard any conscious noises but I did see out my window flashing lights. My first thought was to panic and that CPS was here to take away the children. As it turns out the flashing lights was the garbage truck but it gave me a momentary start. What a horrible way to wake up plus I was running behind in getting to work. Not a good way to start my Monday!

Since I last posted I spent Thursday night in such distress I was crying and up until 1am. I was worried the CPS worker was going to show up and take the children from me before their birthday. Though I am not worried about not getting the children back I was worried that I might miss their birthday because she can take them (potentially) for up to 72 hours (might be 48). It would be my luck she would take them and the time would extend over their birthday. James has been talking about his birthday for WEEKS and I do not want to disappoint! It looks like we are going to do a glow-in-the-dark themed party. I have to check out some party supplies but I think I can get everything done. Margaret has requested a Hello Kitty carrot cake. I will see what I can do…lol. James wants a chocolate cake with vanilla icing. That will be easy enough. Joseph hasn't made any requests so I am giving him the same thing. There are so many details to the party I have to take care of but I am hoping I can get it all done in time. I am going to try!

As a side bar…John complains I never say anything nice about him in the blog. Usually that is because I am complaining about him. I have to say though on Wednesday I had called and let him know what was going on and to be prepared for a potential phone call. When I said what was going on with CPS he was really annoyed. He could not believe that something so small had been blown so out of portion. On Thursday night, while I was stressing out and crying, I texted John. I woke him up but he texted me back. We texted back and forth for an hour. He did his best to try and reassure me that not only am I right about what I am going concerning the lock on the door at night but reminded me of a few other important things I needed to do. He was a champ and even made me laugh at the end. I needed that! So I wanted to more “formally” say, thank you!

I reached out to my network of Facebook friends. I know several of them have been investigated/harassed by CPS over the years. One friend I have has become, essentially, an advocate against CPS. We spoke at length and she told me that I had rights and where I could access the laws that govern what CPS can and cannot do in Arizona. Being a fellow state worker I understand the CPS work’s job is important but she is barking up the wrong tree in this case. Currently I work as an environmental planner. This means I am familiar with finding statues (state and federal), reading, interrupting and applying law. Now that I know I have rights and what they are it makes me a bit more at ease but at any moment the CPS worker can go and declare the children a dependent of the court and at least take the children from me for at least a few days. On the other hand this woman has already violated state law herself. Arizona Revised Statues state…

8-803. Limitation of authority; duty to inform

A. On initial contact with a parent, guardian or custodian under
investigation pursuant to this article, a child protective services
worker shall inform the family, both verbally and in writing, making
reasonable efforts to receive written acknowledgement from the parent,
guardian, or custodian, of receipt of all of the following
information:

1. That the family is under investigation by the department.
2. The specific complaint or allegation made against that person.
3. That the worker has no legal authority to compel the family to
cooperate with the investigation or to receive protective services
offered pursuant to the investigation.
4. The worker's authority to petition the juvenile court for a
determination that a child is dependent.
5. The person's right to participate in a mediation program in the
attorney general's office. The worker shall provide the telephone
number of the attorney general's office mediation program.
6. The person's right to file a complaint with the ombudsman-citizen
aide pursuant to section 41-1376. The worker shall provide the
telephone number of the ombudsman-citizen aide.
7. The person's right to appeal determinations made by child
protective services.
8. Information outlining parental rights under the laws of the state.

So far the CPS worker has said nothing besides that she wants to ask questions and see the children. I have yet to hear anything on WHO is being investigated, WHY we are being investigated or we have RIGHTS. I can guess at the information but I am not sure. When I called and spoke the CPS worker on Friday she said she would not be able to come to the house that day. She was working on-call and might be called away so she wanted to wait for another day. I said that was fine. She asked if I could meet early on another day next week and I said I could arrange it to be that way. Since I work we are expected to be in the office Tuesday to Thursday without fail. She asked if Friday would be better and I said yes. She moved the time to 4:30pm. I told her that worked even better for me. Now we have an appointment set for this Friday at 4:30pm. In that initial contact and first phone call the CPS worker started off the conversation in a hostile time with me saying, “I never got to see the children.” She said it in such a rush I did not even understand what she said. I said, “Excuse me?” The CPS worker than stated again, “I never got to see the children. There is only a 3 inch crack in the door and I could not see them.” I told her, “I never said you did. I said you were SCARING my children and I wanted to make sure it stopped.” The CPS worker said she did not do that either. I pushed it off as Bailey can be melodramatic so calm things down. I said I would meet with her on that Friday at the house. What I did not tell her is that I still have of intention of letting her inside. Now that I know I do not have to cooperate with the investigation I do not plan to except as it basically pleases me. The police came by the house and saw nothing was wrong. If so I know he would have stated as such and the children would have been removed. I am now working on getting a copy of the police report.

So this week I get to stress about the CPS visit, try and finish up things for my children’s birthday party, send out the invites today and tomorrow for the party, go to work and try to be present in my job, and I am sure do a load of other things I cannot even think about at the moment. Life is hectic!

Photo Credit: glowstickfactory.com

Over the weekend I did get something done. I needs to get more birthday supplies. James has a VERY certain scenario set up for his birthday in his head and I want to make as much of that happen as I can. Sunday we went out to the park for two hours. It was SUCH a nice day. I found the nicest little park called John Allen park near our home. It was just the right size for the children to play and it was not busy like Freestone Park. Plus there was easy access to the park for Joseph. While there though Joseph fell down some steps. He had been going up the steps several times but I had been there to make sure he made it up ok. There are a lot of stairs and they are rather steep. Each time he made it up with one problem. He would go to the other side of the playground equipment and slide down the spiral side. He was having a blast! James was running around and I saw Joseph playing in the sand. I left him and sat down with James to get his shoes on. As I was getting James’ shoes on I her Joseph crying (but not the “bad” crying when you know someone is SUPER hurt). He is sitting at the base of the stairs. The other little girls who were at the park go over to him. I finish tying James’ shoe so he would not lose it and go over. I pick Joseph up and I see a HUGE goose egg starting to rise right between his head. I could tell somehow he had started to go up the stair and then fell. As I looked at him later he had a couple of more places. My poor baby! All I can say is I am glad he avoided his mouth. With all the dental issues he has had because of falls like this I am glad he did not crack a tooth or bust his lip. I wish I knew why he has been SO delayed in walking and seems to have such major balance issues. I am hoping the developmental pediatrician will have some answers. He has an appointment to be seen in February. Can you believe I made the appointment in August BEFORE I had even left Vegas?

Today is Monday and I have to find a party supply place. I think I will be trying to get in early to work for the rest of the week so I can make up some time. I want to take half the day off on Friday so I can get the last things done for their party. I am REALLY looking forward to the celebration and surprising the children!

When It Rains It Pours...Again

When it rains it pours.  Here I am trying to get the DDD involved so I can get services for the children (such as respite and therapy).  Instead the DDD guy gets Child Protective Services (CPS) involved.  We had the police here last night.  The police man said he COMPLETELY understood why I had a chain lock on the door at night.  Today, near 1pm, a CPS worker stopped by the house.  Bailey did as I asked.  She did not let her in.  The woman said she wanted to come in.  Bailey said no and said the police where here last night and found no issues so WHY was she out here.  The lady said SHE had to ask questions of the family and talk to the children.  Bailey said she was not comfortable with giving out information on the children without me present.  In the end the lady gave Bailey her card and said to have me call her.

I have now called an attorney.  This is the first time I have dealt with CPS and I know enough from others that I have to be cautious.  Affording an attorney this time of year will be hard but worth it!

Fire Trucks, Ambulances and Police, Oh My!

Photo Credit: redalertspolitics.com

I am the winner of the Powerball ticket in Arizona....NOT!  LOL!  It was wishful thinking while I could do it though.  What I could have done with the money.  The winner's share is something like 136 MILLION dollars.  It would have been SO nice to have the money.  I would have left my work in a heartbeat.  I miss my children SO bad.  I would have gone back home to be with them.  After I paid the rent for the rest of the lease where I am at and give Bailey and her grandfather the house to live in rent free for that time.  I would have given one million to Bailey in a trust.  She could get the interest from the trust each year.  Her grandfather I would have bought him another car and given him 500,000 to get started with what he would like to do.  My children are easy.  I would have set up a trust for Jerrin.  He is not working currently and my grand-baby is on the way. I would have set up a 5 million dollar trust for him where he got the interest.  I would have bought the $60,000 home they (Jerrin and his fiance) were wanting and given them 100,000 to renovate and redecorate it.  Caitlin I would have set up a 5 million dollar trust also. She could have the interest as spending money.  I would pay for any college she could get accepted in.  Currently she is in college and I think she would stay there but I would offer to pay the entire bill.  I know that would take a HUGE worry off her head.  So that would be about 12 million or so.

Next I would have gone to Las Vegas.  I would have gone back to where I consider home.  I would have bought a 5 to 10 million dollar home.  I would not want the size of the house as much as the land.  I want LOTS of space for the kids to roam and play.  That is SO much money I have no idea what kind of house that would even buy in Vegas.  I would think the 5 million dollar house would cover all I need with the space and a pool (for fun and therapy).  I would also want to get some sort of small house near my parents in Alabama so we had a place to stay when we went to visit.  I would pay off my parent's home.  I would also offer my grandmother a place to stay anywhere she wished.  She is all most 80 and it would be nice to give her somewhere that is nice AND where she wants to live.  I would give my in-laws money to pay them back form all their help and I would even give John some money so he could pay off his bills and buy a car.  I would set up a trust for Margaret, James and Joseph.  Margaret and James I would set up with 10 million and Joseph with 20 million.  I would be able to write an advance directive for Joseph (and Margaret too for right now) to make sure they will be able to be looked after and have a nice life after I am gone.  I would save 30 million and pay for all the things I want to do for me and the children (care givers, doctors, therapy, other medical and anything else they need).  That is 70 million. Plus the 12 million from earlier and I still have about FIFTY MILLION left to spend!!!  It would be SO great to help out all the nice people who have helped me along the way and then to be able to give to others. I know I would give money to all my friends.  They are all, sadly, as broke as I am.  It would be nice to pay off their homes, buy them equipment they need for their children or do one of the many other things I know they need.  I would LOVE to help people in a thoughtful and personal way.  I could go back and do one of my FAVORITE things in the world to do... random acts of kindness to people who have NO idea it is coming.

Photo Credit: cpes.com

Now that the daydream is over...back to reality.  LOL!!!  I took today off from work because Chris (a worker from the Department of Economic Security, Division of Developmental Disabilities (DDD), Children's Unit) told me it would take ALL day to go over the information he needed for all three children.  Bailey had a doctor's appointment scheduled for the day .  I took the entire day off.  I missed a HUGE meeting that I had to ask my boss' boss to attend for me.  Then I had another meeting I was missing that I had to ask my boss to please take minutes for me plus I had a paper I needed to review.  Sigh!  Bailey later informs me that she cannot make her appointment since she did not call early enough to arrange a ride.  So she cancels her appointment. Sigh!  I could have done the DDD appointment some other day but it was too late now.  The guy from the DDD came over this morning.  He was here from 8:30am until right at noon.  During our interview we discussed a lot of topics.  I kept telling him over and over again how the children have LOTS of safety issues.  I mentioned I put a have a lock on the children's door.  I said I used to use a baby gate but James got so big he could easily pull down the baby gate so I had to put a lock on the door.  The guy had this look on his face and I said I had a problem with them wandering off so I had to make sure they could not do that at night while I might be sleeping.  Not once did he ask any questions or wanted to see their room.  I had to make some copies of things for the DDD worker so I went into Bailey's room to ask if her printer had paper in it.  When I went in she told me she had been having a migraine today and she was about to have a seizure.  She asked I wait a moment and look in on her.  I said ok.  I stayed and watched the seizure.  It was about a minute long and pretty mild.  She seemed to be coming back around and I said I would be back in a second.  I left the room to check on the copies I was making and went back after I heard a noise in Bailey's bedroom.  I walk back in and she is in another seizure.  I stayed a watched over her.  She was gasping and gagging because her breathing was interrupted.  This one last all most three minutes.  I go back out and tell the guy from the DDD his copies were ready and he needed to go.  I was going to call an ambulance since Bailey was having seizures.

Photo Credit: oneyearintexas.com

He left and as I went back Bailey came walking out of her room.  I asked her if she is ok.  She said she was confused.  I told her she was ok but she had two seizures in about five minutes.  She lays down on a pallet in the living room.  I asked where her meds are and she tells me so I get them.  When I come back into the room I was there for just a few seconds and she had another seizure with the kids there.  James asked what was happening.  I said Bailey was sick and mommy was going to call 911.  I called 911 and the kids were going nuts.  They knew the police or someone was going to come over.  As I am on the phone with 911 they put me through to the Gilbert Fire Department.  I mention fire department the kids run around making fire truck noises.

I hang up with the fire department.  They were there in five minutes.  By then Bailey was starting to come around a little.  The firemen (yes, they were cute!) were asking her a lot of questions and helped load her into an ambulance that took her to the hospital.  James was VERY concerned for Bailey.  He kept telling me we had to go and get her.  I said we had to wait until she called and then we would get her. At three-ish in the afternoon Bailey called and asked if I would take her over to the local urgent care so she could get pain medicine to stop the migraine.  I said sure.  Earlier in the week Bailey and the children made letters to Santa.  I said I wanted to go to the post office and send off the letters to Santa and then I would stop and get her something to drink before taking her to urgent care.  She said ok.

Photo Credit: boston.com

I went to pick her up from the hospital.  We got to the post office and I went in with James and Margaret.  Bailey and a sleeping Joseph waiting in the car.  Another kid was in the post office and the mom even thanked me for bringing them. LOL  They all played.  She should have been thankful though since she was NOT paying attention to her son and I stopped him bring having his fingers pinched in a door and stop him from spitting in the floor. Oh my!  LOL  It took 40 minutes waiting to send the letters to Santa.  I sent them to North Pole, Alaska. (Follow the link to see how) I have never done this before but it seems like it will be fun!

After getting something to drink I took Bailey to Urgent Care.  She wanted to take James with her for company.  Huh?  Really?  Okay!  LOL  James is really good on his own so I figured he would behave for her. Joseph, Margaret and I went home.  I let them play outside and I tried to get some things picked up.  As I am starting to write in the blog Bill arrives home.  After he comes home I call Bailey to check up on her and to try and give her grandfather information.  He has me talk to him for a bit about making meals.  He said he was about to be paid and he was going to buy groceries.  He was then going to cook.  He was asking what I like.  To be honest I HIGHLY doubt there is anything they would eat that I would not eat too.  It would be me and the children who would eat "weird" stuff like Indian food. LOL   I LOVE all sorts of things and so do the children.  The biggest things we talked about was buying food specifically for meals and getting fresh fruits and vegetables.

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I leave again.  Bill volunteers to watch Margaret and Joseph while I go and get Bailey and James.  I pick them up from the urgent care and then take them to the pharmacy.  At the pharmacy Bailey gets her pain medicine.  I take us back home.  I was about 7:40pm when we got back.  As I come in Bill said the Gilbert police had stopped by.  I asked why.  Bill said, the policeman said,  he was responding to a call from child protective services. What???   Bill said the office mentioned the call said the children were being locked in their room.  The way the officer made it sound was that we were keeping the kids locked in the room all day.  The officer said he wanted to come inside and look.  Bill said it was not a problem.  He went and made sure he put the baby gates up and took the officer to their room.  He showed the officer the chain lock.  Bill explained that the children were disabled and to keep them safe at night we lock them in their room.  The chain lock on the door allows them to open it and yell for help in the morning.  We let them out. They are not imprisoned in the room in any way.  The officer look in the room and saw the Christmas lights I had put up, their beds and toys in the room.  He saw the lock on the bedroom door and front door.  He said he completely understood why the lock was there and he had no idea why he was called out.  He said he would write in up what he saw in his report to Child Protective Services and let them know the children were fine.

I am rather upset with my case worker, Chris, from the DDD.  I had explained to him WHY I did that. I had said James could pull down a baby gate.  I said OVER AND OVER again how they were a danger.  They had issues with safety and wandering.  OMG!  So now I am thinking about getting a copy of the report if I can.  I want to know what was said.  Then I think I may file a complaint.  At the very least I will be switching case workers! Anyone have any advice here?  I have to say I am feeling rather betrayed.  Plus if anyone else have any ideas on keeping them safe that is better than the chain locks I would be happy to hear the ideas!

Photo Credit: gafamilylawblog.com

So that was my day.  It is now near midnight and I need to go to bed to get up at 4am tomorrow.  I have to mention John though.  It just would not be a blog post without saying something.  Sigh!  I recently was talking to John and he said his father called and asked him if he was planning to see the kids for Christmas.  The children will be turning FIVE on December 13th and then Christmas.  John was not planning to be here! In John's defense his mother has been fighting aggressive breast cancer for a while now.  She just finished treatment and (from my understanding) she is doing okay (I would not say well).  John's father offers to help him see the children or go home and see his parents and family for a week.  John decides to head back home.  On one hand I understand his decision.  On the other hand I am angry.  I know his mom has been VERY sick but she is also an adult.  The children on the other hand do not understand what is going on.  James is a HUGE daddy's boy.  He calls John basically EVERYDAY even though John often does not talk to him long (battery dying, holiday party and classes).  James cries at least twice a week wanting his daddy. He is CONSTANTLY asking me... where is daddy, is daddy coming, daddy is coming to Phoenix, we are going to Vegas, can we move to Vegas and other variations. When I say no, James cries. John has NO plans to see the children.  I told him I was going to try and get us up there at the end of January.  It is the soonest I can have enough money to try and rent a car.  There is NO way I would rely on my van at the moment to make it there. Even tonight James was telling me that John would be coming to Phoenix tomorrow.  I had to correct him again.  He was sad but I said I would do what I could to take him there in January.  He thinks that is next week but there is no way for me to explain the time issue to him.

John whines to me about not having enough money to come and see them but he has enough time to nap, workout, have no children, only one job and no room mates.  So of course he could not have the time to do anything to earn any extra money to come and see them.  Heck, a room mate does not even involve a lot of effort on his part and would save him at LEAST $300 a month!  Got to leave that room open though for the children (who may be there for two months during the summer...what about them staying in HIS room?) UGH!  I am sure part of the reason I am frustrated is that I have little to no time to get what *I* need done for me OR the children!  I am tired!  Can I get some respite now?

Joseph taking the meaning of stocking literally!