Now I Know Why I Have Been Losing My Hair...

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It is due to STRESS, STRESS and MORE STRESS!!!  I hope it is anyways.  Then maybe my hair will grow back one day. Sigh!  Ok, so lets start with Monday.  It was my first day back to work in almost five years. The night before I get a message from my husband, the man who left, on Facebook.  Yet again he does not seem to understand, or worse yet, he does not care how much I resent leaving my children and returning to work.

Hey,

I just wanted to tell you good luck tomorrow. I know you have been waiting for this moment for a long time. I have been praying every day for you. I know it will be tough to be away from the children, but it will also be good to get out there are do something you have been planning for and educating yourself for. I will be thinking about you tomorrow and trying to send you good vibes. I assume you found a babysitter. I hope she works out well and you like her. I know she will love the kids...everyone does.

Does the hotel have a phone number I can call? I'd still like to call the kids after school tomorrow, and I know you will have your phone.

I will talk to you soon.

John

Here is my reply....

John,

I have NOT been waiting for this moment for a long time. I had this moment FORCED upon me when you decided to leave us without sufficient means of support in July. I have been planning our move since I have been offered the job. In six weeks time, with very little help from you, I have had to pack, move and try not to be homeless.

You KNOW I have no desire for this job. Yes, it is what I went to school for and this position is perfect for me career-wise but YOU KNOW I did not want to work until next year. That the children, in particular Joseph, still need me. It is not a matter of just "being tough being away from the children" but they need me to take care of all their emotional, medical and school needs. It has been very tough for our autistic children to make the transition and the stress and lack of routine has all ready begun to show in behavioral issues. I see it as SOLELY YOUR responsibility for the emotional and behavioral problems you have caused the children by having me leave them.

Don't wish me luck or send me good vibes. You have not been a part of this in ANY way except CAUSING all of this to happen! You have done the bare minimum for me and the children. As you said you ASSUME I got a babysitter. You have NO idea what I had to do , who I got to watch the children and how it was done. I have found someone adequate but she will not be able to serve long-term because she cannot drive. So she cannot care for the children after we get out of the hotel. She cannot take the kids to any doctor,therapy or school appointments. I have to continue my search for a sitter. Even paying someone ALL of the child support you send apparently is not enough to hire a quality sitter so I am not sure what I am going to do since I need my income to pay rent, food and other bills.

As for calling the hotel you can try but the room phone is unplugged because the children will not leave it alone and had randomly called a few people in the hotel. I suggest you call in the evening at 8:00pm. Then they will get a chance to speak with you before bed.

Michelle

Now that was how I was greeting on Sunday night.  I went to work Monday.  My nanny showed up on time but I was late leaving the door.  It was hard to leave.  Off to work I went.  I used the GPS on my phone and after a wrong turn (my fault) I made it to the right area but I could not find the building.  I was SO glad I left the house at 7:15am and told my work I would be in by 8:30am.  My work was on jackson Street and I could seen the number jump in a HUGE way so I knew I was missing something. I pulled into the parking lot and I got out of my car.  The VERY first person I saw with a badge on I asked where I needed to go.  I was lucky because they knew. Thank goodness!!!  By the time I got in it was 8:20am.  I got there 10 minutes early! Yea!  

I was there for a bit and I get my first call from the nanny.  She was just checking in.  Good.  I keep busy at work reading material and getting all the newbie stuff done.  I get a second call after lunch.  This call was not good.  Bailey, the nanny,  says James was playing the Kindle. That is good in a way because it keeps him busy and out of trouble.  While he was playing Margaret goes over and tries to watch.  When she does James hits her.  Now, when I am there, I make James apologize to Margaret and say he is sorry for hitting her.  That is the end of the discipline.  Bailey on the other hand him in time out.  James has not been doing well with time out.  She tells me that he is crying hysterically and had been hanging his head on the wall.  That was when she decided to call me.  She put James on the phone and he was crying so hysterically that I could hardly understand anything he had to say.  

I spoke to him and said he needed to calm down.  I got him telling me he was in trouble and he was sorry.  It  broke my heart.  I said it was ok and he could not hit his sister.  He had to go and tell her he was sorry and give her a hug.  He got off the phone and I had a talk with Bailey reminding her that is he is getting hysterical like that then the form of discipline she is using is not working.  She said she did not want him to get away with the behavior and I said I agreed but that is why I make him apologize and say he is sorry and then give a hug.  I hoped she understood why I did not really want him in time out any more if he is getting hysterical.  

When I hung up the phone I could think of little else until I got home.  I cried at work.  I wanted to be home with James.  He is NOT taking this transition well!  The behavior I have been seeing is something that I have NEVER seen before.  I had NEVER seen him bang his head on the wall when upset.  :(

When I got off work and got home all was quiet at least.  Or so I thought.  I was trying to get the children ready for bed when Bailey called again.  She told me she was approached by the hotel manager and told that SHE was going to get kicked out if the children were so loud that someone complained again.  She was concerned about coming over to watch the children today because she is afraid of someone complaining again.  Baily, God love her, is a VERY nice lady but I am not entirely certain she got the details right on that. I would think WE would be kicked out of the hotel if we were loud again.  I hope not!  This just emphasizes the need to move into a home of some sort.  With my credit being trashed now I am not sure if I can make that happen.  We HAVE to get out of here though.  The children are bouncing off the walls here because the hotel room is so small.  Bailey is doing a good job in trying to take them out.  She walks them over the convenience store and swimming but they just need more space to run and play.  To spread out and not be on top of each other like they are in the hotel room.  Plus they REALLY need an enclosed yard to run around in.

Ok, so today.  Bailey comes to work.  I tell her let James play the Kindle all day if needed. I HATE that because I don't want him dependent on it but on the other hand I do not want ANY of us thrown out of the hotel!  I left for work.  It seems it takes me 45 minutes to get there.  I made it to work and my day was going ok.  I was calling to check in on James an hour after I left.  Everything was fine.  I got a call at 11:35am and it was Bailey.  She was saying she was not feeling good.  She said the kids were fine and she had to get after James once while they were out at the pool but that was it.  More of my day passes.  My boss comes by and says there is a conference meeting with the EPA representative at 2pm today and I needed to be there and so will HIS boss.  At 1:00pm I get another call from Bailey.  She says she is feeling really sick and her grandfather got her an appointment to the doctor at 3pm.  She wanted to know if I could come home.  Since it takes me 45 minutes to drive to work I figure I have to leave by 2pm.  Of course this is RIGHT at the time of the conference!  Sigh!  I can't catch an effin' break!  So on my second day on the job I have to go to my boss and say I am sorry but I have to leave.  I am going to have to make up the lost work hours since have have no time accrued anywhere.   

I come home and Bailey leaves.  I am thankful I hear later that it was a very large stomach ulcer that was giving her a problem.  She is now back on medication for it but she tells me that the medication makes her sleep so she is worried that she cannot continue working for me full-time.  She wants to work part-time and find someone else to fill in the rest of the time.  She said she could work for now but I need to look for someone.  Back to nanny hunting for me.  Sigh!  

I am tired.  SO VERY TIRED!!!

Should I mention STRESSED too?