Settling Into Phoenix

I have been busy trying to settle into Phoenix.  With my medical insurance FINALLY kicking in I am starting to make appointments for the children.  I tried to call a GI doctor to take Margaret and Joseph to but the doctor requires a referral.  I have to find a regular pediatrician first I guess. I have appointments for the children for a developmental pediatrician.  I am glad I got that done! The first one is February 19th.  Joseph will be going.  I am hoping the doctor will be able to help me figure out what is wrong with him.  I also got an appointment with an endocrinologist for Joseph.  This will be the first time he has seen one in awhile.

Got a New Phone

I finally broke down and got myself a new phone. This is the first new phone I've had in two years.  This is the first nice phone I've had in a long time. All of my other phones lately have been pay- as -you go phones. For a while there the kids kept taking my phones and throwing them in the bath or toilet.

I got a new Samsung Galaxy Note 2 phone. This phone has an awesome voice to text function. This should help me keep up with the blog.  Now will be able to write my posts for the blog while I am out. This phone will also help me keep track of appointments and  reminders for the children. I can see a lot of functionality in this phone for me. It was well worth saving up my money for the last 2 months to get this phone! Yea!

I'm Irreplaceable!

I have come to the conclusion I am irreplaceable!  LOL  In the search for a nanny I have tried to interview people but many of them flake out when they hear the AUTISM word.  They act like it is disease...and it is contagious!  LOL  Many people have NO idea what autism is REALLY like and NO idea on how MY children are.  Yet they hear autism and special needs and I never hear from them again.  It is like no one can live my life, at least the life I had for the last four years, for a week much less months.  Bailey has done an admirable job and I have hired her back temporarily now she has her health under control.  She has even been helping me to look for a replacement but so far no luck.

My relationship with PITA has been interesting.  We had the nice weekend.  He told me he wanted me to think about the boundaries of our relationship.  Not entirely sure I get the idea of that.  I think most of the things I want are pretty straight forward.  I want honesty.  No lies and no secrets!  I want someone who is my partner and not another child.  I do not want someone whom I have to clean up after!  These are two of my main ideas.  Otherwise I am not sure.  It seems as though PITA has changed but how he has changed I am not sure.  I will have to get to know him again.  It will be interesting to date the man you are married to.  Did I ever mention my life is complicated?  :)

Work...I really like my work and I have been learning  a lot.  So far they have been gracious in letting me telecommute and other things to make my childcare situation work.  I am thankful.  I do not want to lose my job.  Also, I just got health insurance!  Now at least we are medically covered!

I spoke to a lawyer and found out he is interested in my case against the DDD.  The situation they caused worries me because I am concerned over how many other families has the case worker hurt by reporting a family to CPS! The problem is the lawyer wants $8,000 to take on the case.  The paralegal I spoke to said they had recently tried and won a similar case for a lot of money but the lawyer would not take the case without the retainer.  I wish there was some way to convince him otherwise. Or I had the money.  Maybe find another lawyer?  Not sure where to look though.  If anyone has any ideas I would LOVE to hear it!  I really want to pursue this case!

Autism: What to Say to Another Mom

On Facebook there was a request from Parenting Magazine on what would YOU tell another mother about autism.  That is a great question!  Depends.  What I want to say to people who have a neurotypical (NT) child...

• The signs of Autism are not always obvious.  That child that is being rude, starting, saying inappropriate things in public, or having a tantrum.  Instead of looking at the parent or child with contempt during inappropriate behavior either PLEASE ignore the situation or ask if you could be of help.  The LAST thing needed is advice!  I promise, I most likely have heard it ALL!
• Please do not talk about my child negatively in front of me and more importantly in front of them!  If you want to see me hostile and on the defensive this is the fastest way to make it happen!
• Do not argue with me when I tell you my child has special needs.  I have been surprised by people telling me they do not see how one of my children could be considered autistic.  I am happy you feel that way but you are not a doctor.  Also keep in mind ALL the years of therapy and other things I have done to and for my child to help them get to the point they are today! 

To the moms with Autistic or other Special Needs...

• Do not doubt yourself!  I did not listen to my "motherly instinct" for over a year because I have others (spouse and doctors) telling me not to worry.  I kept hearing over and over again one excuse after another on why my children were behind or showing odd behaviors.  It pains me to think of the time I lost in the first few years of their life all because I did not listen to my instincts and push harder for answers.
• PLEASE network with other special needs parents! They WILL be one of your GREATEST resources!
• Where do you find the special needs parent?  You  Google!  Google keywords such as parent support autism.  You may even get specific and add in your city to find local groups.  Call ANYONE you can and keep asking what and where are the local groups.  You WILL find someone!  Promise!

I am sure there are TONS of things I am leaving out at the moment but this is a start.  As I think of more things I will add it to the list!

It Was A Pleasant Weekend!

Photo Credit: spiritualdigest.tumblr.com

I had faith for a long time that things would turn around for PITA and I but our situation went from bad to worse.  I lost my faith.  When PITA recently told me he felt compelled by God to be with his family I was shocked.  I felt like the Lord had answered MY prayers but WHY now???  I had faith in the unbelievable and now I have received the impossible.  I don't even know what to think!!!

After ALL the hostility and other issues PITA and I have had over the last year meant little.  PITA and I were able to spend a really pleasant weekend together.  It was nice to have him here and James was ecstatic to have his daddy "home."  PITA arrived at about 7pm Friday night.  The kids had enough time to say hi and play with daddy some before bed time.  We then left the house and went out for dinner.  While there we got to have a nice conversation on what was going on.  It was a super nice date nice.  Seeing PITA was the first time I got to see him be what I think of "himself" and happy in YEARS.  He was a lot more like the "old" PITA I remembered.  I really enjoyed his company!

Saturday I was able to spend the day out.  I did not exactly get to do what  I wanted with my day but the break from the children and my routine with them was priceless!  I was able to spend some time out and that, in the end, what was the nicest thing for me.  Saturday night I spend with PITA was nice too but we were both tired.

Sunday I was sad to see him go and so were the children.  He promised to be back.  There was more that happened (it was good  :)  )  but I am running short on time tonight.  Got to head to bed!

Am I A Fool?

Photo Credit: Hellobaby.deviantart.com

Am I a fool?  Maybe so.  I am hopeful and cautiously optimistic.  After MUCH and I do mean SO MUCH anger and animosity between PITA and myself I was SHOCKED when he called last night and said what he did...

PITA said he had come to the realization that if he was going to be the moral and spiritual compass of the family as God intended then he had to step up and work things out with me to get his family back.  He said, "I want you and the children to come home."  I cried.  This is what I had been waiting and wanting to hear.

Has a miracle happened?  Has God answered MY prayers so we can be a family again?  I am hopeful but cautiously optimistic.  I am wanting this to be real.  For PITA to be serious about wanting to be with children and I.  I cannot immediately return to PITA and Vegas because there are people here relying on me plus I have a lease.  I am not sure what to do about the lease issues.  It is all logistics but I want to go home.  Home to PITA, Vegas and being a mom.

Happy 2013 To Me!

Photo Credit: refalo.com

Today is my 13th wedding anniversary.  I stayed up last night until midnight.  I sent a text to John (who has asked me to not use his name any longer in my blog. So now I am going to call him PITA) saying Happy 13th Anniversary.  He did not respond.  PITA was out at a "friend's" house last night.  He purposely did not say the friend's name.

I put the children to bed and then stayed up for awhile.  I sat and reminisced about the happy and sad moments of my marriage over the last 13 years.  PITA freely admits that he has spent the last few years treating me badly in the hopes I would leave.  Who even does that to a person?  For the sake of us, our marriage and the children I am willing to try and work things out.  I had asked and asked about going to couples therapy but PITA has said no.  He has told me that I cannot stay at his place, even if I lose my job because I cannot find a sitter, and he cannot stand to be around me.  It appears he has written me off and has moved on.  I wish I could just as easily.

Typically I think of 13 as my lucky number.  The babies were born on the 13th and I tend to have good luck on Friday the 13th.  If I take that and extend it to this year then 2013 should be a good year for me.  I hope it will be and I will try my best to make it so!  I deserve to have some happiness and to find someone who wants to be with me AND my children.  Here's to 2013 and all the possibilities it holds!