It's a PITA!

I have not posted in awhile and I think part of it has to do with I am not sure what to say. Its not that I don't have a lot I could say but I feel like most of it is not good news.

On a personal note my marriage is hanging by a thread. I mean it literally. I am expecting John to file for divorce at any moment. If he does I am not sure what I will do. I am close to finishing my MS degree. I am in my last class now and then I have a two month break (June and July) before I can start my capstone project. I should finish that class at the end of December and should graduate then. I have been looking for a job but so far I have not been able to find anything.

John did say he would stick around longer if I went to therapy so I have tried calling a few therapists. So far I have called seven of them over the last two weeks. I have been doing research on the internet of the therapists in the area and no one yet had called me back. A couple of the instances were funny because I would call and one said, the therapist had a six week waiting list and the second one said they were closed for the next three weeks. Just today did one of them call back. I will have to cancel another appointment to make it but I plan to go. John thinks I have a lot of problems. I think I have some problems and the problems I think I have I am pretty sure is different than what he thinks I have.

This past week the homebound teacher for the school has been here. I got a bit upset with her because she was getting pretty cross with James. At one point she told him, "Do we need to get your mom in here?" What kind of threat is that to an autistic four-year-old and all I could think is what would she have done if she know I was not going to be there to witness what was going on. It scares me for my children.

We went to two appointments last week around all the homebound stuff. One day for me as to get the children up, clean the house some, have the homebound teacher arrive, have the OT person arrive, have them both leave, feed the kids lunch, put stuff away and gather what I need to leave, get shoes on everyone, pick up Joseph and herd the other two out the door and into the car, buckle everyone in and head out. I get to my destination and take everyone out. Joseph goes in a stroller while I keep and eye on Margaret and James making sure they do not run off, we go to the appointment and wait. We see the doctor and then get to leave. I take everyone out and make sure they do not wander off as we head to the car. I get everyone into the car and buckle them all back in and then collapse down the stroller and put it into the car. We drive back home and typically 3 to 4 hours have passed since we first left the house. So I arrive home about 4pm to 4:30pm. I have to feed the children again and get them settled. Then I have a bit of time, maybe, to make some phone calls before 5pm.

Alternate scenario is homebound teacher leaves at 11:30am. Then I feed the children lunch and we have maybe 90 minutes before the speech therapist arrives to work with the children. She works with the children for the next hour. She packs up and leaves and I take the children outside for about 30 minutes. By then it is 4pm-ish. I bring them inside and give them a bath. Then it is time for me to start dinner. I fix food for them and feed them again. By then it is about 6pm. That gives them 2 hours before bedtime to do as they wish. Overall we have pretty packed days.

My days often fly by. Lately I have been struggling with keeping up with school. I am towards the end of my last class. I will then be on a two month break and in August I will be starting my capstone project. Once that is completed in December then I will graduate. I will be SO excited!

Right now my life is a PITA (Pain In The Ass) but I think things will be getting better soon. I hope...lol.