Countdown to Homelessness: 3 Days

Photo Credit: collegeboxes.com

Sorry I have not updated what has been going on but I have been both tired and busy.  John took the children for the whole day yesterday and I was suppose to get U-Boxes (U-Haul's version of PODS) to store my stuff in and then I could move it once I knew where I am going.  I had to stand at the U-Haul place for about an hour and a half yesterday trying to get everything worked out.  It was a complete mess.  I was not able to get the boxes delivered.  So John keeping the kids yesterday was partially a mess because I could not pack like I wanted to.  I ran around though and went to a couple of doctor appointments and followed up on several things I had been working on.  I literally left the house at 10am, when John got the children, and did not return until 3:30pm when the landlady said she was coming by to talk to me about the house. I was SO busy.  I had an hour at the house before John dropped the children off.

Today I am hoping I will get stuff packed.  My parents collected money from the family (even extended relatives) to get me the U-Boxes so I can have somewhere to store my stuff that will be easy to ship when I know where I am going.  My parents were also able to find me a cheap ($150 per week) extended-stay hotel.  Being that cheap I can't imagine the place will be nice but at least is it somewhere to go!  I am taking two of the crib mattress.  This way two of the children will sleep on the crib mattresses in the floor while one of the children and myself will sleep in the bed.

For state and federal aid purposes we are still considered homeless. Being in a hotel is considered being homeless by the government but at least I will not be rolling into Phoenix with NO WHERE/NO PLAN on where I was staying..  It will be rough living in such cramped conditions with all of them.  I am not sure what I am going to do about getting a sitter.  What am I suppose to tell them?  Come to my hotel and watch the kids all days.  I know it is boring and cramped here but try not to kill any of the kids when they get on your nerves.  I don't know.  That will be another problem for another day.

I have to go to a doctor appointment for myself this morning.  We will go to that.  Once I am done we will leave and go pick up some helpers to pack.  I will have to miss a doctor's appointment for Joseph at 11am because the U-Boxes will be delivered between 10am and 11am.  I have to be here for the delivery plus I don't have the the time to drive 40 minutes across town to make the appointment, spend the time there and drive back.  This sucks too because it was an appointment with the pulmonologist.  I am NOT happy U-Haul is making me miss this appointment!

John will be by at 6:30pm tonight to pick up the children.  This is technically his weekend.  I am hoping everything will be packed by then.   Keeping my fingers crossed!  I will try and update what I can I would guess that more of my updates will be from my Kindle or phone so bare with me.  : )

Countdown to Homelessness: 6 Days

Today I had some help come over.  I realized that I have done pretty good in packing.  There was not a lot to pack.  I was able to get some stuff packed and boxes moved.  That was VERY helpful!  I need  a storage room now.  I think I will be able to get a storage room tomorrow.  If not then, Thursday.  That will be cutting it close since I really wanted the house cleaned out by Friday.

Still don't have a plan and I am going to have to find a place to stay when I get to Phoenix.  I have no idea what I am doing.   At least I can laugh about it today...lol.

Where did the Motivation Go?

I was so tired when i got up at 7:00am this morning.  Since I went to bed about 1:30am that gave me about 5.5 hours of sleep.  For me this is normally enough but not lately.  I am not sure why. I ended up being able to take a nap of sorts (I was lying down and the kids played around me) from 1pm to 3pm. I got up but I am still tired.  Part of my problem I think is the interrupted sleep.  The second problem is the lack of motivation I am feeling since I have no plan. I basically have 10 more days to pack and clean out this house and ....then what?  

When I laid down for a nap I had James crawl into bed with me, then Margaret and finally Joseph.  I had the three children in the bed with me and they were all playing with different things quietly.  I thought about how much I would miss doing things like this with them.  It is not that it can't ever happen but it will be rare.  I will be gone to work and someone else will have to fill in for me.  They will get to referee fights, fix meals and kiss boo-boos while I am gone.  It makes me sad.  I feel like my children still need me, especially Joseph, but I have to leave them with a stranger while I try to make money to support us.  I have enjoyed my day with the children even though I should have been packing.

I called UCLA, still nothing!  I cannot believe I can't make an appointment to get this muscle biopsy done.  I am furious!  At this rate I will not be able to get it done before I leave town. Sigh!  I SO wanted to get this done. Then I had a call from the endocrinologist and I just cancelled the appointment.  He is only giving thyroid medicine to Joseph and to be honest he is not my favorite doctor so I am not too disappointed.  Tonight I will be looking for doctors in the Phoenix area and calling to make appointments.

Life trudges on.  I have no idea what is coming but the future will one day become my present and I guess I will not have to wonder what it will hold for me any longer because I will be living it!

Is It Sunday All Ready?

When the children are not here my weekends fly by SO fast!!!  I was packing last night for while and I got side tracked.  As I was pulling out boxes and looking through things I found a brown manila envelope.When I looked into it I started to cry.  I had COMPLETELY forgotten about this packet of information the hospital sent me regarding Martha's death.  It had her record of birth, baptism certificate, hand and footprints, snippet of her hair and some pictures the NICU nurses took of her.  I cried and cried.  I don't remember ever seeing these pictures.  I might not have until now.  I got the envelope just after she passed away and it was just too much for me to deal with.  Her hand prints are so tiny a half dollar would easily cover them up. She was just so small.  They all were at birth! I included one of the pictures the nurses took on Martha's page.   I spent the rest of my evening crying and scanning in the pictures and documents.



At the start of the weekend John had asked me for some more Pedisure for Joseph  and Margaret.  I said ok.  I gave him one case of the Pedisure.  That is 4 6-packs.  He took my car this weekend since I was not ready to move.  So I was left with his car.  The front and back seats were FULL of stuff.  The floorboard of the passenger's side of the car was filled with food trash up to the height of the seat.  When I stopped to fill up his car I cleaned the floorboard out.  I filled up the trash can at the gas station!  Then I filled up his car with gas.  The total came to about $50. I thought it was no big deal since I would just ask him to pay me for the gas that was left in the car when I gave it back to him.  I ran around town and on Sunday I went to the grocery store to get what groceries I could on WIC and pick up a few other things.  One of the WIC items is the 30 6-packs of Pedisure.  I got it from the store and went to put the 7.5 cases in John's car.  I opened John's trunk and I find 2 cases and a 6-pack of Pedisure in there.  I have him that Pedisure over a month ago.  So that means the milk-based Pedisure has been in his trunk, in the heat, for the last month.  I would not feed it to the children!  So he has ruined 9 6-packs of the Pedisure.  That makes me SO mad when he knows we will be losing WIC in December because the children will turn 5 years old. I cannot afford to buy the Pedisure myself.  It costs about $10 per 6-pack!  So he essentially wasted $90.  It makes me SO mad I am thinking about asking him to pay me the money so I can go buy some more!  Plus what has John been feeding Margaret and Joseph over the last two months when they have been over there?

Then tonight I forgot to talk to him about the gas in his car. I message him.  I ask him for $25 since I left a little more than half a tank of gas in the car.  At first he did not believe me that I put it in there.  I showed him the charge on my account.  Then he tried to tell me I made a "poor decision" by putting the gas in the car.  What "poor decision" did I make?  Trusting that he would be fair and pay me the money for the gas left in his car?  He did finally agree to give me the money but he is not going to pay me now.  He said I would have to wait until his next pay check.  Why is that?  He would have had to put money in his car for gas to get to work.  Now I have to wait when he knows I do not have money?  Whatever! Last time I try to do something nice.  I will just leave him his car in the condition I found it. If it's empty I will leave it empty.

This week I have to be more productive in packing but that should be easier because we really do not have any more doctor or therapy appointments.  We have the blood draw EARLY in the morning on Tuesday but otherwise I think our week is pretty clear this week. I will be lining things up for the garage sale.  Got to sale what I can for the money!

Thursday night when John came over to see the children I told him about Joseph having a lump on the back of his neck (swollen lymph node), foul smelling breath and sore on his bottom gum under the front teeth we had pulled.  He never even asked how Joseph was doing or what was going on!  I took Joseph to the dentist on Friday at noon.  I was smart this time and took a change of clothes for Margaret remembering how she vomited all over the place last time I took her to the dentist for Joseph's appointment.  We get there and Margaret crawls into the chair whining...lol.  The dental assistant and I told her to get out of the chair.  The assistant said, " Get out of the chair Margaret before you get sick."  LOL  I put Joseph in the chair. The dentist came in and looked at Joseph and she declared the sore in Joseph's mouth is a canker sore.  If you look at possible causes of canker sores it can be an autoimmune issues and/or a vitamin or mineral deficiency (iron, folic acid or vitamin B-12).  Very interesting when these are some of the symptoms I have mentioned before that concern me about Joseph.  Margaret did good too because she never got sick.  Makes me SO happy not to clean barf!

When I get the children from John tonight John said the kids were all fed and full.  I always fix them something to eat anyways but they rarely eat much.  Tonight I had fixed James a large cup of some Gatorade and Joseph and Margaret a bottle.  They immediately drank it.  I fixed them another cup and bottle.  They drank it too. I was surprised!  They seemed like they were dehydrated or something.  Then I asked James if he would like some pizza.  Papa Johns was running a special where you could buy $10 worth of stuff from them and then get a free large pizza.  What a great deal!  I was able to get two medium pizzas with three toppings and have the ability to get a large three topping pizza later for free.  Since James LOVES pizza I know this will make him happy!  I asked if he would like a slice of pizza.  He said yes.  I thought he would only eat one piece.  He ate the first piece and then asked for a second.  I was surprised but gave it to him.  He came back and asked for a THIRD piece!  I had given a slice to Margaret and she was not eating it so I told James he could have her slice.  The next thing I know James asked for a FOURTH piece!  I told him no!  I said he had three pieces and he had eaten as much as mommy had so he could have no more.  He was sad about it and argued for a bit but he gave up.  He had NEVER tried eating so much pizza before!  For someone who was suppose to have been fed he was starving!

When I went to change Margaret's and Joseph's diaper tonight they both have a red booty.  So I asked John what happened.  He said he had no idea.  I also asked why there was a large bruise on James' head.  I was told James was running around the house and ran into Joseph.  I am not sure where Joseph was bonked in the head but James was very evident with the huge bruise!

So in one weekend I get the children back and they seem dehydrated, hungry and bruised/rashes.  What in the world was John doing this weekend with the children???  It seems like they were neglected (at least today) and not being supervised very well.  I am glad to have them back home!

It's all Bon Bons from here - Part II

OK, it has been so long now I have forgotten all I was doing this morning...lol.  I know I took out all the trash.  I have a ton of it since I am moving.  Pack and organized things for the dentist appointment.  I folded and packed away some of my clothes.  I know there are other things but I just don't remember.

We did make it to the dentist.  I know Margaret has a problem with barfing at the dentist office.  They now even have it in her file...LOL!!!!   So we went back and Margaret was only sitting in the chair.  She was whining and starting to cough.  I KNEW if they did an x-ray, which I heard them talking about, she WAS going to barf!  So I thought I would be smart and tell them to bring a bag in before they do the x-ray so she could barf in it but as I was started to say that Margaret coughed again and barfed all over herself.    Of course, I did not think to take extra clothes with me.  What kind of mom would I have been if I was super organized and thoughtful like that?   *rolling eyes* So I helped the technician clean off the barf.  Margaret calmed down.  The dentist came in and looked at Margaret (no x-ray...lol).  The dentist found two huge sores in the back of her mouth.  So that was the problem!  Thank goodness it was not a tooth!  The dentist asked me if she had something in her mouth recently since the sore was one on the upper gum and one on the lower gum.  I said with her being autistic there is no telling what she may have done.  Sadly, I JUST do not know!  I was told to try and keep her mouth as clean as possible and not to feed her foods that are salty or acidic.  Good to know so I packed the kids up and headed home.  By the time I got home my car was starting to stink of barf.  Good time to get out...lol  

Once home I changed Margaret's clothes and called my mom to tell her the news.  Then we talked for a bit while I spent time making a list of people to call tomorrow and things I have to do.  Tonight I made an appointment at 6AM (UGH!!!) for a blood draw for myself and Joseph.  Oh, what fun we will have on the morning of the 18th!

So for tomorrow I have on my list of things to do...

• Call the WIC office again in Arizona
• Call UCLA and bother them
• Call the pulmonologist and set an appointment for Joseph
• Get an appointment with my general doctor so I can make sure I have what I need before I leave Vegas
• Get an appointment with the pediatrician after the 25th (when I will have a little more money) to see the kiddos and get any medical and other clearances I need.
• Talk to the school district about the kids IEPs
• Call and speak to the Desert Regional Center and let them know I am leaving. Get any information they have so I can hopefully hand-deliver it to the Division of Developmentally Disabilities in Arizona. 
• Get paperwork to get a new birth certificate for me.  Can't find mine.
• Call the homeless shelter again
• Send an email to a new friend to see if she can help me. Thanks Monica!

I am sure their are other things but I can't remember right now.  Tonight John will stop by and visit with the kids for a bit.  It is going to be devastating to James when we move away from John.  It makes me sad but I will see about getting him into therapy.  When John comes by I will leave to put gas in my car and buy some groceries.  I will miss that help too.  I HATE taking the children to the store.  They are normally great for me right up until I have to check out.  Then they go nuts!  I will miss being able to go out by myself to grocery shop.  Maybe I can find another mom and we could swap child watching for a bit?  Maybe?

Tomorrow I will try and scan more pictures and pack.  I will try and not stress over too much and just enjoy my bon bons...lol.  

On the way to homelessness?

I have been having fun tonight listening to the wind howl.  A storm is moving into Vegas tonight and with it the wind speed picks up.  There are gusts out there at LEAST 50 mph!  The wind chime is going crazy outside!  Careful, wind chime noise in video is LOUD!

John got paid so he gave me $700 to pay bills.  This is more than he has to give me so that is nice.  I have the following bills to take care of:

Photo Credit: thesite.org

• $400 electric
• $100 credit card (I had all ready missed one payment)
• $85 credit card (same with this one)
• $40 health club membership (haven't even been going at all since we split up)
• $50 cellphone (only phone I have)
• $100 gas (will last my 15 passenger van about 2 weeks if I don't really go out much)
• $100 food (that is two weeks worth for 4 people (me and the kids)
• Other bills that may come up are water, gas, internet. 

I know, I have WAY exceeded the allowance I was given so what do I do?  I cannot continue to eat Ramen and popcorn for dinner.  WAY too much salt for me and not good for you in general.  Got to do food and gas.  So that is $200.  Got to pay at LEAST $200 to electric.  So that is $400.  Got to pay for phone!  MUST have a phone so that is another $50.  So that pays out $450 leaving me $250.  About to forget.  Got to get a case of diapers for Margaret and Joseph.  That is $40.  Plus I have two doctor appointments I need to go to.  That is $40.  So we are at $530.  Need a $70 copay to take Joseph to the pulmonologist.  I have the extra high co-pay because I had to miss the appointment last time because John forgot to give me the money before he left for work that day.  That makes $600.  There is an IEP meeting scheduled for Joseph and it would cost $100 for the advocate to be there.  I do NOT have the money for all of this!  I am not sure what I am going to do!  I think I will have to cancel the IEP and try to do one in Arizona when we get there.  I will have to see if I can find an advocate and how much they would cost.  I cannot be trusted to attend one of those meetings alone.  I am just too emotional and hot-headed.  I wind up saying things that I occasionally regret.  So I could easily spend all the money and still not even pay a lot of the bills I know about. Sigh!  This is why I am SO upside down on everything.  : (   

Photo Credit:  http://blogs.orlandosentinel.com    
Is this going to be us at the end of September?

I am in trouble!  Never, growing up in a middle class family, did I ever think my life would wind up like this.  I have been losing so much hair lately.  I am certain it is from stress.  What I am NOT stressed out about lately???  Moving?  How is it going to happen?  How am I going to afford to move my things?  What about getting a storage room for a bit (more money I forgot to add to my list of needs)?   How am I going to get my stuff to Arizona since I am the only adult driver and I cannot tow my van?  If I take my stuff where am I going to put it? What about money for gas to even drive there?  Am I going to truly wind up homeless?  If so where am I and the children going to go?  Can we live out of the van?  What about getting services for the children?  What about food?  What about child care?  I will not have money to pay anyone really until two weeks AFTER they have been watching my children. Since Joseph is medically fragile he cannot be in a daycare or school setting. So where does this leave me???  Plus James and Margaret cannot go to school because they would get sick and bring it home to Joseph.  This is why I have been home with them for the last several years.  This is by far the most balls-to-the-wall sort of thing I have ever done!  I have to make it to Arizona to take this job!.  If I have ANY hope of making my little family self-sufficient then I need, MUST HAVE, this job!  

The children have been driving me crazy because they are getting into everything.  I can't blame them really.  I have stuff pulled out all over the place.  They are fascinated by it.  Why shouldn't they be? James and Margaret were getting into all kinds of stuff, broke a couple of things and were not listening.  In the end I yelled at them and then broke down crying.  I cried in front of my children and the poor kids did not know how to handle it.  James was trying to be nice at that point and he gave me a hug and said he would not make a mess again.  That was SO sweet!  I shouldn't be crying in front of them.  It was just too much today. I am so worried.  When I talked to John about it he said not to worry that I would be able to figure something out.  Often, I would agree with him.  On the other hand I am getting really worried. 

I am still trying to pack things but it is hard with the children here and no one here to help me distract them.  After that my hand is the next big hurdle.  I have come to the conclusion it will never be right. The only good news from the carpal tunnel surgery is that my hand no longer falls asleep when I use it.  It hurts instead (sometimes very painfully) but in some ways that is better because I still have some kind of feeling in my hand.  Just makes packing difficult because I have a hard time moving boxes.  

I was having fun reminiscing over some old video clips of the children.  This is video of the kiddos when they were two.  Joseph is having fun and getting so tickled with what he is doing. He has SUCH a great laugh in this video!  You can also see James count (and sign) and Margaret sing her A, B, Cs .