Why Can't You Make a Phone Call?

Photo credit: zomm.com

Friday night comes and John did not call.  He could not call at 8:00pm and tell his children, James really, hi and good night.  James was SO upset.  He cried and said he wanted to go back to LasVegas to daddy's Blocker house (James calls a home by the street the house is located).  I had to tell him no and say that we are   in Phoenix now.  We have to live here.  He cried even harder.  He misses his daddy so badly.  James is torn up over it.



Bailey is great for them since she takes them out and runs them around.   That helps to keep James busy. Saturday we ran around.  We went to look for Halloween costumes for the children at Goodwill.  Then we went to Bailey's grandfather's work.  They were having a "yard sale" to raise money for breast cancer awareness. Then I took the children to the Waffle House because it made them happy.  Then we went to do laundry.  The laundromat at the hotel is busted and will be for a few weeks.  The landry was nice BUT the one of the washing machines ruined my clothes and Bailey's too.  It was BAD.  It looks like dye or something.  Makes me mad since it ruined a pair of my pants for work.  I have VERY little clothes at the moment because I cannot find anything.  Once everything was cleaned we went back to the hotel.  I got all the clothes put away and then Bailey and I got the kids ready and went out to the pool.  We all went swimming.  It was a long day but nice.

John called Sunday night.  James was happy to hear from him.  John wanted to talk to me.  That was unusual.  He hasn't really wanted to talk to me before.  With these new rules going on I figured I would have to ask him to talk to me or something.  LOL   John said he was glad I found a house and my job was working out ok.  I knew at that moment he had been reading my blog again.  There is no way he could know those details unless he was reading the blog.    I said my job is okay.  I like my job well enough but I miss my children and they NEED me.  I can have all the sitters in the world but my children need ME!

The house I am not sure about now.  The property management company listed the correct address of the house for rent BUT the directions to the house is wrong.  It is the west part of the street and about a mile from the east part of the street where the house for rent is located.  The directions were for the west side.  The description of the house (square footage, bedrooms, baths and everything else) is now in question.  I cannot see the house until the current tenants are out.  This is driving me NUTS!

The final part of the conversation surprised me a bit.  John had told James that he was coming here in the first part of November.  Now I am not sure if he is coming.  John was saying he had work stuff that he had to do that made taking the weekend off.  He is a school teacher so I don't understand what the problem is and then he says he has no money.  That at least I believe.  I have the same problem.  Just driving from Vegas to Phoenix it took a tank of gas for my van.  A full tank is about $135.  So to make the round trip it would cost me at least $260 in gas alone!  That does not include food or a place to stay.  I am not sure when John will be seeing the children.

Today I had a decent day at work.  I FINALLY got FULL access to the computer!  Now I can start my training and get started doing my work.  Yea!  The reading was tough!

Tonight, yet again, no call at 8:00pm.  Does he not understand how much James looks forward to that time.  How he waits for his call?  All John has to do is send money and make ONE FREAKING PHONE CALL A NIGHT!  How hard is that?  He just has to talk to James for about 10 minutes to make him happy.  Sigh! I will take care of everything else or Bailey will.  We have been kissing boo boos and trying to make James feel better (He has a bad allergy to something here.  A LOT of coughing lately!)

John,
Please just send the money and make your phone call.  Then you can run off and pay lip service to God and play with your new friends.  I know you think God has been giving you peace and everything.  You keep on thinking that.  I am pretty sure God would not be happy to see how you have neglected your children (even your wife).

Got to get to bed.  Four a.m. comes EARLY in the morning!  Night my dear readers!

Countdown to Homelessness: 8 Days

Photo Credit: minimalisthome.com

I had grand ambitions to have a garage sale today but I just can't get it together.  I don't have a lot of places to display the things  want to sell and I need to get the things that have been packed out of my way.  I was hoping to get some money to rent a storage room.  It looks like I will not be able to take much with me so every thing else has to be stored.  I will be taking the crib mattresses of Margaret and Joseph's beds.  Our clothes. Some kitchen and food stuff.  That will be it.  Everything else has to make it to storage, be sold, given away or thrown in the trash.

I spoke to my mother again last night.  I like talking to people when I am having anxious fits. LOL   She said she and others have thought about it and "they" think I should come back to Alabama.  I reminded her we have had this conversation before.  If I went back I cannot make it.  She said I could with her help.  I told her, "Why would I want to give up a job that I have worked for professionally?  A job that would allow us to support ourselves or be close to it along with State benefits? Plus, it would be a slap in the face to the 235 people I beat out for this job position.  I AM TAKING THIS JOB!"  She kinda chuckled at that point and said, "That's true.  You were offered the job over 200 people."  Maybe she got my point this time...lol.  This job is basically everything I have worked for and wanted professionally.  I am only sad because everything is happening a year sooner than I wanted.  I am mostly worried about Joseph.  I don't want to put his health at risk but other than that I am happy for us all.  I just have to figure out HOW I am going to make the transition happen!

Photo Credit: nvenergy.com

The electric company, I am afraid, will have to wait for their payment.  I have pretty much been convinced NOT to pay them.  This means the power will be shut off in the house on Friday.  I checked with John to make sure he was taking the kids this weekend.  It is suppose to be his weekend.  When I spoke to him he said he was not sure what I was doing.  I said I would be in town and taking care of the house.  That I did not have enough money to leave town until the first.

Me: I wanted to make sure you were taking them on Friday because the electricity is going to be shut off John: What are you doing about the water, gas and cable that are still in my name?
Me: Call and have them turned off on the First.  Then take the money out of the child support like you have been doing.
John: Okay.  That will take away some of your money to move.  I could skip paying them for a month and take the money out in November.  At least you should have a paycheck by then.
Me: Okay.

What else was I going to say?  You could cover the $250 worth of expenses since you did not help with any of the moving expenses?  I could but then again I did not want to pick a fight.  I would imagine I will be hurting for money just as bad in November since I will be trying to catch up with expenses and pay child care.  At least this is a problem that will move to November and I can worry about it then.

One day at a time.  It is ALL I can handle right now....one day at a time...

 

Countdown to Homelessness: 9 Days

Photo Credit: pective.com

Who needs a daytime soap opera when you can just read about my life?  Isn't my life at least as interesting as a soap opera?  The only difference is my life is oh SO very real!   There is no one to say, "Cut!  Time for an edit. Let's get the writers together and redo this script!"  It would be nice if that were true.  Or better yet the Easy button from Staples.  If that thing really worked I would get my hands on one now!  LOL    After having my mini-meltdown yesterday I am better.  How could I not be when James is worried about me?

James saw me crying this morning.  Our conversation went something like this...

James: Why are you sad mommy?
Me:  I was just reading something on the computer James and it made me sad.  It's ok. (I lied but the truth is too complex to explain and it is not something for him to worry about.)
James: Don't be sad.  It will be better tomorrow.  (Don't know where he got that from!)
Me: It will be, won't it James!
James: Yes. I'm gonna give you a BIG hug.  I just love you everyday.  (That all most made me cry again...lol)

James can be a terror but he does have such a sweet side to him.  It's amazing!

I got myself together and stopped by the welfare office.  I was not kicked out but that was because I was not there long.  I was told I had to fill out the application form.  It is 20 pages or so.  I had to bring back some proof that John was no longer in the house with me (since we are still legally married), everyone's birth certificates and social security cards, my bank statement, proof of SSI benefits, title to my car and I can't even remember what else.  I got a list...lol.  I knew I would not get any help from them soon for my electric.  My electric was going to get shut off Monday.

I called the electric company.  I spoke to a lady there and she said I had to pay the past due balance of $407.00 by Monday or it was going to get shut off.  I told her I only had $70 to my name.  The soonest I would have any money is the 25th.  She said she could give me until the 28th to pay but I would have to pay half the total balance.  So by the 28th I have to pay about $360.00.  At most I will get $700 from John so that will take at least half of my money until the first of the month.  Then I will get the social security disability for the children and I will have $625 to get to Phoenix, have food, gas and a place to live until the 10th.  I need about $200 for food and diapers, $100 at least for gas so that leaves me $300 for a place to live. Impossible, no, but VERY difficult!  This does not take into account moving or storing any of our stuff.

Photo Credit: OneYearBibleBlog.com

The lady at the electric company said I should call 211 (the state number for referring to community services).  I called the 211 number and told the operator that I needed help with energy assistance.  The operator was straight up and said, "I am sorry but the community partners we refer people to are out of money.  You can call back next month and see if any of them will have any money then."  I am feeling like my life is the Story of Job.  I very much feel like this verse on the right.  I will complain because I have lost all hope.  What else beside complaining do I have?

I still have not heard back from the lady at the regional center here.  I am glad she is so concerned about me and my family.  The days are counting down.  There still is no plan.  My life rather sucks at the moment.

Where did the Motivation Go?

I was so tired when i got up at 7:00am this morning.  Since I went to bed about 1:30am that gave me about 5.5 hours of sleep.  For me this is normally enough but not lately.  I am not sure why. I ended up being able to take a nap of sorts (I was lying down and the kids played around me) from 1pm to 3pm. I got up but I am still tired.  Part of my problem I think is the interrupted sleep.  The second problem is the lack of motivation I am feeling since I have no plan. I basically have 10 more days to pack and clean out this house and ....then what?  

When I laid down for a nap I had James crawl into bed with me, then Margaret and finally Joseph.  I had the three children in the bed with me and they were all playing with different things quietly.  I thought about how much I would miss doing things like this with them.  It is not that it can't ever happen but it will be rare.  I will be gone to work and someone else will have to fill in for me.  They will get to referee fights, fix meals and kiss boo-boos while I am gone.  It makes me sad.  I feel like my children still need me, especially Joseph, but I have to leave them with a stranger while I try to make money to support us.  I have enjoyed my day with the children even though I should have been packing.

I called UCLA, still nothing!  I cannot believe I can't make an appointment to get this muscle biopsy done.  I am furious!  At this rate I will not be able to get it done before I leave town. Sigh!  I SO wanted to get this done. Then I had a call from the endocrinologist and I just cancelled the appointment.  He is only giving thyroid medicine to Joseph and to be honest he is not my favorite doctor so I am not too disappointed.  Tonight I will be looking for doctors in the Phoenix area and calling to make appointments.

Life trudges on.  I have no idea what is coming but the future will one day become my present and I guess I will not have to wonder what it will hold for me any longer because I will be living it!

Yard Sale!

So tomorrow I will drag out as much as I can out of my house and try to sell everything I can part with.  I cannot afford to move it to Arizona and I am not even certain I will be able to afford to move it to a storage room here.  Since I am still having problems with my right hand from the carpal tunnel surgery it is difficult to do a lot of lifting or much of anything else that involves a lot of use of my hand.  The scar from the surgery still looks bad, is red and inflamed and there is a lot of scar tissue under the scar making the incision painful.  I will do the best I can though tomorrow.  I have a TON of kids clothes I can sell plus a lot of household miscellaneous furniture.  I am hoping to raise at least $100.  That would be great! 

On the positive front I did get a call from UCLA and get a UCLA patient number for Joseph.  I was told the doctor will review Joseph's medical records and decide if he is going to take his case or not.  The doctor's office has until September 7th to get back with me and set an appointment.  Otherwise they will be hearing from me EVERYDAY until they get back with me.  I need to get this muscle biopsy done BEFORE we move. 

I still have no idea HOW I am going to make the move and hold over in Arizona until I can start my job AND get a paycheck.  I am trying hard not to panic over it.  I spoke to my father about my financial concerns today and mentioned that I was facing a $400 electrical bill and I had NO idea how to pay it.  I also need to move and I was not sure where that money was going to come from and I have little to no food in the house and not a lot of gas in the car.  Then I told him I was told by the doctor who did my hand surgery that he wanted me to go to physical therapy twice a week to help increase the strength in my hand, help with the scar pain, stretching the skin, and try to break up the scar tissue BUT I could not afford it since it would cost me a $20 co-pay each time I went and there is NO way I can justify spending $120 a month on the therapy when I need to spend a $20 co-pay to see my family doctor so I can get a refill of an important maintenance medication for me (which will cost $10 to get filled).  At the end of the conversation my sister called so I was told he had to talk to her but he said, "Yep. you have a lot of logistics to figure out for your move."  So I take this as he is not going to help financially. Not to mention my birthday is on the 4th and there was no mention of giving me money for my birthday (hoping that will still happen).  In the meantime I NEED this yard sale to have money to live.  I have $40 to my name right now that I can spend.  Other than that there is NO more money until September 10th.  I have half a roll of toilet paper in my house, not a lot of food and not much in the way of prospects.  I was luck enough to sell Joseph's crib today so I was able to order pizza when James asked for it today.  He never asks for things like that so it was nice when I could say OK and place an order with Papa Johns. 

On the other hand I have felt horrible when Margaret has been asking me for Hello Kitty stuff.  I know she, somehow, got a Hello Kitty doll.  She LOVES it!  So I thought I would look for some bedding stuff for her because I would like to upgrade her to a twin bed.  She saw me internet "window" shopping and asked when I was going to get her Kitty.  You have NO idea how this tore me up because, being autistic, she does not directly ask for things very often and when she does I try really hard to get it for her. 

The other day I was in Target and I saw a Hello Kitty twin comforter for $35.  It was adorable!  I wanted it SO bad for her but I knew I did not have the money.  I COMPLETELY understand why some people steal when it comes to giving things to their children.  To have your child look at you wanting something so desperately and knowing you cannot get it for them.  Yet the item in question is close at hand in the local store.  It is just a matter of taking it.  I understand the desire, I really do, but it is poor impulse control to steal and take it.  I left the store misty eyed knowing the comforter she wanted was so close but SO far out of my reach.  I am hoping I will be able to get it for her birthday in December.   Some days are SO hard at the moment.  I just have to remember that I can, no I HAVE, to make it until the end of November.  By Thanksgiving I truly will have something to be grateful for since I will have a job and be earning money. 

Bon Bons and Birthdays!

Money is not a problem until you don't have any ~ 

This is a quote by me....lol.  Having money is great but when you do not have enough of it life becomes tough.  I have a $400 electric bill that I have to pay.  I am going to make rent for September.  It made my landlord happy since I did not pay her for July and August because I just did not have the money. Currently everything is still on but no telling how long that will last.   I have asked several people for help financially but no luck so far. It sucks being poor.

 On a positive front I have been offered a job to work for the State of Arizona. Yea!!!  This is a great job for me.  There are logistical problems like paying for a sitter to watch my children, moving to Arizona in the first place, where will we live?  I do not start my job until the middle to end of October so I am actually thinking about living in a homeless shelter for a month or two.  I have to get money in first before I can pay anything out.  I don't know what I am going to do but that is another problem what will have to wait until tomorrow.  If I think about everything now then I will just get scared about this fantastic opportunity. 

I may be going to Arizona in the beginning of October because I need to get down there a bit early to scout things out and see what aid I can get for the children and myself.  For the first month or two we will be down there we will be DIRT poor.  Once I get going in my job and get a paycheck coming in then most things should straighten themselves out.  If anyone knows about disability services and such in Arizona please let me know!

In the meantime I will try to enjoy my bon bons because I have a lot to celebrate.  My birthday is coming up soon, right after the Labor Day weekend, so I am hoping to have a good time in Las Vegas before I have to leave my beloved city.  I am hoping I will learn to love Arizona as much as I have loved Vegas.