Thankful For Change

For the last two months I have been dealing with personal and work struggles making it hard for me to find time to write.  I am hopeful that I will be able to write more now that issues with life, work, and marriage have settled down.

Lately I have been focused on several things....

Types of ADD.  After years of fighting in my marriage, with the help of some marriage counseling, we have come to the conclusion John and I suffer from ADD.  I explains why we have many of our fights.  I have learned to overcome several of the issues I have with my ADD.  John still suffers from the effects of his ADD.  As we both work on our issues and identify things early it will be easier for us to curb the fighting.

Work. After a crappy last few months my job performance greatly suffered.  I had a performance review.  It was VERY unflattering but in the last few months it is understandable.  I am thankful that at least my management understands my difficulties and is not holding it against me.  Work continues on.  I am thankful to have a job!

Life.  The kids have been doing well.  We have been going to church since James got really involved with the bible and the idea of a God.  He has been so full of questions it worked best to take the children to church and bible class.  I am happy they are getting to go.  We have refrained taking the children because Joseph was so behind physically and prone to serious health problems over common illnesses that it was not worth the risk.  Even though Joseph still suffers from health problem when cold/flu/RSV season is over we risk mixing with others.  For the last month the kids have been attending church and have not been ill.  Thank God for that!

Today is Memorial Day.  We spent a quiet day at home and enjoyed our day.  I am thankful to the men and women that serve and served this country to keep us free.  Today has been a good day to reflect and be thankful!

Where did the Motivation Go?

I was so tired when i got up at 7:00am this morning.  Since I went to bed about 1:30am that gave me about 5.5 hours of sleep.  For me this is normally enough but not lately.  I am not sure why. I ended up being able to take a nap of sorts (I was lying down and the kids played around me) from 1pm to 3pm. I got up but I am still tired.  Part of my problem I think is the interrupted sleep.  The second problem is the lack of motivation I am feeling since I have no plan. I basically have 10 more days to pack and clean out this house and ....then what?  

When I laid down for a nap I had James crawl into bed with me, then Margaret and finally Joseph.  I had the three children in the bed with me and they were all playing with different things quietly.  I thought about how much I would miss doing things like this with them.  It is not that it can't ever happen but it will be rare.  I will be gone to work and someone else will have to fill in for me.  They will get to referee fights, fix meals and kiss boo-boos while I am gone.  It makes me sad.  I feel like my children still need me, especially Joseph, but I have to leave them with a stranger while I try to make money to support us.  I have enjoyed my day with the children even though I should have been packing.

I called UCLA, still nothing!  I cannot believe I can't make an appointment to get this muscle biopsy done.  I am furious!  At this rate I will not be able to get it done before I leave town. Sigh!  I SO wanted to get this done. Then I had a call from the endocrinologist and I just cancelled the appointment.  He is only giving thyroid medicine to Joseph and to be honest he is not my favorite doctor so I am not too disappointed.  Tonight I will be looking for doctors in the Phoenix area and calling to make appointments.

Life trudges on.  I have no idea what is coming but the future will one day become my present and I guess I will not have to wonder what it will hold for me any longer because I will be living it!