Working Behind the Scenes

I know it may not seem like it but I have been super hard at work behind the scenes on the blog.  I have had a few pages under construction but had not published them until today.  One of the toughest pages to publish was Martha's page.  I knew I was doing a lot better in dealing the the loss because I can now at least LOOK at the photos of her and not burst into tears.  On the other hand writing her page, the physical act of writing and picking out words to describe what happened, was more difficult than I had ever imagined.  I think it is because I carry a lot of guilt in her death.  I feel like choices I had made such as moving away from Vegas where I had a great doctor to Alabama (where I had family that was suppose to help) played a BIG role in my pPROM and early delivery of the babies.  I was riding in a car for 90 minutes to make a doctor appointment in Alabama to see a specialist with high order multiples yet she would not admit me into the hospital even though I was 24 weeks with quads. I had an appointment to go back and see her two days after they were delivered.  There are few people on this planet I carry hate and animosity around in my heart for and she is one of them.  Right or wrong that is the way I feel.  I am hoping one day that changes but so far I have not been able to let it go.

The other page was more fun because it is the photos page.  I put up a picture of when I was in the hospital after I pPromed but BEFORE I had the babies.  I was HUGE!   LOL  I also have pictures of the babies a few hours after they were born.  I will be posting more pictures up there as the days go by.  I have been SUPER busy scanning in old photos of my oldest children.  I have this blog dedicated to the little ones and I have a TON of pictures of them but few of the older kids.  I feel bad about that because I don't want them to think I do not care.  I do care.  That is why, as I have been repacking things to move, I have come across items I have held onto for close to 20 years.  I found some of Jerrin and Caitlin's old baby clothes.  I will be sending some of them to Jerrin since he is expecting his first child.  I will hold on to Caitlin's for now.  I also came across Jerrin's old woobie...lol.  I have a LARGE box of photos.  I just need to scan them so I can have them digitally.  That is what I was trying to do today along with packing but the little kids made it hard.

I was trying to get things out so I can look at them and decide if I still need it, should sell it, or give it to someone else.  The babies on the other hand had some different ideas.  It seemed like every time I left the room to make a scan of a photo, get a box, sort through a box or put a box away the babies were doing what they could to get in trouble.  It was a rough day here.  I think it is all the strange stuff out coupled with being on a sugar high from all the cake and ice cream from my birthday bash.  LOL

One instance today was pretty bad.  James was having a smart moment and decided to move one of the kitchen chairs to my hutch.  There he opened the door and got down my "smell-good" (perfume bottle) and took it into their bedroom.  They were in there laughing and having a good time.  I heard it and thought nothing of it.  I should have known better!  LOL   A few minutes later Margaret comes into my computer room where I am adding a few more clothes to the sell pile and she is coughing saying, "I coughing mama."  Then I get a whiff.  She reeks of my perfume!  I head to their room and I walk in to see James spaying Joseph and the smell in the room is overwhelming.  The room reeked like a two-dollar whore!  Hummm, should I be saying that since it is MY perfume???  LOL  Well, I NEVER wear that much of it at one time THAT is for sure!  WOW!

So I was scanning, packing, sorting, trying to keep the kids in line, and now I am taking a minute to inform my dear readers (the two who stop by my page...lol) what is going on in my life.  Now I am going to see if there is anything of interest to report from Facebook and then I am off to bed. Tomorrow is more of the same along with therapy for Margaret and Joseph. 

It's My Birthday!

Yea!  It's my birthday!!!  It is not everyday that one turns 40!  In some ways I am sad I am 40.  I would love to turn back time and be celebrating my 30th birthday instead today.  On the other hand I will not grieve for the time I have lost.  Some decisions in my life I have made and they turned out GREAT and others have been an unmitigated mess but I cannot say I am sad or sorry for my choices.  I have five wonderful children and one little angel.  I love them all!

I have two older children.  I do not talk about them a lot here because I am not sure they would appreciate it.  My oldest son, Jerrin, will be 20 at the end of October.  He and his fiance are expecting a child in February.  This will be my first grandchild!  I have been trying to contact my son for over a week now and he finally called today.  It was SO nice to hear from him.  I had been worried since no one had heard from him in at least a couple of weeks.

Then my oldest daughter, Caitlin, I had spoken to yesterday.  She celebrated her 18th birthday on the 2nd.  She told me Happy Birthday and said she had even read my blog.  She is a sweet kid, for the most part...lol, but I do enjoy talking her since we seem to have the same sense of humor.  She is working hard in college and this is her first year here.  I am proud she is doing such a good job!

The  little children were excited.  They were happy and excited to celebrate my birthday with me.  :)  We went out and I let them pick my birthday cake and ice cream. We had a good time.  I got a chocolate mousse cake.  Yum!  Then we got two small containers of Ben and Jerry's ice cream.  We got Cherry Garcia and American Dream. We ate half of the small container of Cherry Garcia tonight.  James and I thought it was delicious!  Poor Margaret on the other hand was NOT happy. She seems to be rather sensitive to cold stuff and she has a bad habit of holding the cold stuff in her mouth.  She took two bites of ice cream and on the third bite she screamed. She had BIG fat tears in her eyes and her mouth was hanging open with ice cream in it.  I had her spit it out and I knew she must be experiencing an ice cream headache or brain freeze.  My POOR baby!  I held her and dried her eyes.  I asked her if she was better now and she said, "Yep" and took off to play...lol.  You have to give her an A+ for resilience.  : )

When I got the cake out the kids were buzzing around.  I put candles on it and let James, Margaret and Joseph blow them out.  James and Margaret were having a blast but Joseph seemed scared of the fire on the candles.  He did not want to get too close. Over the holiday weekend my whatever (husband, soon-to-be-ex, or something) had the children.  When he dropped them off yesterday he told me Joseph had fallen down four stairs at his place.  OMG, you should see the damage done to his lip and chin!!!  It was awful!  Joseph really has no business on stairs and that worries me.  I have all ready had to pull his two front teeth  because they keep getting banged up when he fell but now the next two teeth are getting the brunt of the damage.  At this rate I am going to be told those must be pulled too.

I am too exhausted tonight but I will post pictures tomorrow.  I don't know why I am so tired but while I am sleepy I want to take advantage of it and actually sleep.   I tend to be an insomniac and can't ever get sleep.  This has worsened with the break-in of my house.  So now I am going to head off to bed and I will get pictures up tomorrow.  I am looking forward to scanning  in a bunch of old pictures and I will post several of them online.