Sick and Barfing

Margaret sick and sleeping the day away!

I have been working on trying to rebuild my relationship with John. So far, according to him, I am not doing a good job. The first weekend when he came down I did not see him except at night. John complained and said he was not getting to see enough of me. He was interested in seeing the children but he was more interested in seeing me than the kids because he was trying to build a relationship with ME and not the children. I understand that and I agree, I think he is right, so I tried to make things better. The next weekend I spent half the day with Bailey and then the second half of the day with John. That was a little better. This weekend I went to Vegas. I told John, two weeks ago, that I was coming into town to get my car fixed and Saturday was going to be my day. I moved when I was going to come into town because John said he would not have time for us (me or the children) on Sunday because of church and lesson planning for school (and I am sure the Super Bowl somewhat). So I decided to come into town on Thursday and leave Sunday. I told John I was coming to town to let a friend fix my car. Saturday was my day to be alone. He said ok and told me Friday was his busy day. He had to go to work, then to the therapist and finally to a church group. I said that was fine. I was disappointed he did not want to skip the church group and come home to see the children and I but I was ok with it. He felt he had things he had to do so I was ok. I see John for a bit on Thursday night before we both pass out in the bed.

Picture of John's Fridge AFTER shopping!
Bag of sandwiches on the bottom shelf  I
brought with me along with the medicine
and Gatorade on the top shelf.

Since John was going to be gone Friday I spent the day with Chelsea and her children. I got the kids up and gave them a bath. This is when I notice John’s condo was not clean. The place had not been vacuumed, counters wiped down, trash taken out or bathrooms cleaned. It made me feel as though he was not concerned about making a good impression at all. I knew I could clean it but it would only make me mad. It as NOT how I wanted to spend my day. I asked Chelsea if she knew of someone to clean it and she said she would. I told her they job was hers if she wanted it. I went to pick up Chelsea and her daughter at 10:30am. I take us over to McDonalds (the ONLY one I will go to during the winter since they keep it really clean) and we let the kids play. They had a big time. Chelsea’s son got out of school at 3:15 so we went back to her place. I dropped her and her daughter off while I took the children with me to the store. The amount of food in John’s fridge, AFTER he went shopping, was pathetic! I picked up stuff for dinner along with more breakfast foods (the kids FAVORITE meal of the day), more milk and some fresh fruit. I spent $60 on food. I went back to pick up Chelsea and her children and we went over to John’s place. Chelsea’s son is a little older than my children so the boys were having fun and going wild. Nothing like two hyperactive, autistic boys playing in a condo together…lol. They played while I straightened and Chelsea cleaned. She got the kitchen cleaned and both the bathroom before the had to go. I stopped and fixed the kids something to eat. After eating Chelsea and I along with 5 children piled into my car (ONE of the new times I enjoyed having my HUGE van….LOL). took Chelsea and her children home. When we got there James had to pee so we went up to her place. The kids played and Chelsea gave me the blanket she had knitted for James and Joseph for Christmas. They are beautiful! Then she showed me Margaret’s blanket. It is VERY neat! I am looking forward to when she finishes it! Sean (her husband) arrived home and I asked about the time. It was 8:30pm. I had told John I would have dinner for him by 9:00pm. Sigh, I knew I was late. I hurried the children downstairs and out to the car. We get to John’s place and as we are about to walk in John pulls up. We go upstairs. I tell him that I do not have dinner made but I would make it. I told him I was going to cook a steak with salad and béarnaise sauce and fresh broccoli. John said that was too much to eat this late. I said ok. The kids were happy to see him. It was the first time we had seen him all day. They stayed up for another hour and were put to bed. John and I talked for a bit afterwards and we went to bed because we were both yawning.

On Saturday we got up late-ish (8am). I said I had to get ready quickly since my appointment was at 9am for the Aveda school spa. Chelsea ended up meeting me over there thankfully so we would not be late. As I was leaving John made me feel guilty or at least upset. He kept asking me if I was going to stay to eat breakfast (no, we got up late and I would not make my appointment) will you come over after you are done at the spa (no, I told you two weeks ago that Saturday was MY day), will you come back later(no, I want to spend the day away from the kids). The responses I wrote are not what I said for the most part but what I SHOULD have said. I told him two weeks ago when I planned this trip that I was spending the day at the spa and after that I was going to have my car worked on by Sean (He is a master mechanic). I knew there was something going on with the brakes and I had to get it fixed. After that I was going to a hotel room because I wanted to get a good night’s sleep before having to drive back the next day. John was unhappy. He sent me a LONG text that night. I was not even sure how to respond back.

 I offered to go to McDonald's with him Sunday morning so we could talk and the kids could play.  It allowed the children to burn off energy while we got to speak.  In the end we more or less made up but it is hard.  I want to love him.  I just wonder about the motivation of getting back together.  Then he says he loves me but turns around and emotionally punishes me when he is not happy with what I am doing.  I am not up for that anymore.  Basically if you cannot be a positive influence in my life I don't really have time for you.

This week has been SO busy at work I feel like I am spinning in circles.   I know I am not but it feels that way!  On Tuesday Bailey took Joseph with her to the doctor's office.  She was there to pick up her medical records.  While there a car turned into the parking lot quickly and hit her.  Luckily it was at a fairly low speed but she dislocated her should and got a hairline fracture on her hip. That was the cause of some drama.  Then on Thursday Margaret was barfing her head off to the point of passing out so Bailey took her to the urgent care.  That was $40 I had to pay in a doctor visit.  That was the same day I got her medicaid stuff worked out but her prescriptions went to Walgreens and it is basically the ONLY major retailer that does not accept Margaret's medicaid plan.  I had the prescriptions transferred over to Safeway.  Walgreens waited until the LAST minute to transfer the prescription over.  They were wanting me to come back but I would have had to pay $30 for the prescriptions.  At Safeway I paid nothing but I did not get home until about 8:30pm.  It was a LONG ass day!  I was annoyed with Bailey because I told her just to wait on me and I will do the prescriptions later but she wanted to go to Walgreens so I told her to go.  Then she changed her mind but I told her to go.  I am mad at myself for not sticking, yet again, with my first instinct which was to just wait for me and let me get the prescriptions fulled.  

These are just two of the six cones in my floor.
Each cone is covering up a wet spot on the
floor where barf has been cleaned up
from poor Margaret.

Friday there was more Margaret barfing.  The poor girl can hardly keep anything down.  James had started to cough and barf some too.  I took them to the Urgent Care when I got home.  Cost me another $40 for James to see the doctor.  Margaret was free with the secondary insurance.  While there we were told Margaret was doing ok all in all (a bit dehydrated but ok) and so was James.  The doctor said it is something viral going around and there was little we could do.  I was a bit upset with Bailey again.  I will have to ask her to be quiet while at the doctor's office. She was interjecting information in when I did not ask.  I don't like that AT ALL! At one point she seemed a bit rude.  I was not feeling well myself by the time I took the kids to the doctor.  We left the office and I stopped by Sonic to get something cold to drink for sore throats and then headed home.

I got the kids to bed and then passed out myself. This morning when I got up and I SO sick.  I can tell I have a fever and I feel bad.  Writing this is tiring it is has taken me all day to make this post happen.

Friday (yesterday) was also a day I was upset with PITA.  I let him keep $700 in child support last month to help him catch up on his bills.  I write him yesterday and ask how much is he going to send me.  He writes back and says his paycheck was only $1400 and after paying rent ($800-something) then he would have nothing if he paid me AND he would not be able to come down here next weekend.  I said I NEED the money to make MY bills so he says *I* should tell HIM how much to send.  Are you serious?  There is no winning for me in that decision.  What can't he just take care of his end of things???

SO tired and SO sick.  I am done.  I hope this post makes sense...lol.  Night people!