Now I Know Why I Have Been Losing My Hair...

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It is due to STRESS, STRESS and MORE STRESS!!!  I hope it is anyways.  Then maybe my hair will grow back one day. Sigh!  Ok, so lets start with Monday.  It was my first day back to work in almost five years. The night before I get a message from my husband, the man who left, on Facebook.  Yet again he does not seem to understand, or worse yet, he does not care how much I resent leaving my children and returning to work.

Hey,

I just wanted to tell you good luck tomorrow. I know you have been waiting for this moment for a long time. I have been praying every day for you. I know it will be tough to be away from the children, but it will also be good to get out there are do something you have been planning for and educating yourself for. I will be thinking about you tomorrow and trying to send you good vibes. I assume you found a babysitter. I hope she works out well and you like her. I know she will love the kids...everyone does.

Does the hotel have a phone number I can call? I'd still like to call the kids after school tomorrow, and I know you will have your phone.

I will talk to you soon.

John

Here is my reply....

John,

I have NOT been waiting for this moment for a long time. I had this moment FORCED upon me when you decided to leave us without sufficient means of support in July. I have been planning our move since I have been offered the job. In six weeks time, with very little help from you, I have had to pack, move and try not to be homeless.

You KNOW I have no desire for this job. Yes, it is what I went to school for and this position is perfect for me career-wise but YOU KNOW I did not want to work until next year. That the children, in particular Joseph, still need me. It is not a matter of just "being tough being away from the children" but they need me to take care of all their emotional, medical and school needs. It has been very tough for our autistic children to make the transition and the stress and lack of routine has all ready begun to show in behavioral issues. I see it as SOLELY YOUR responsibility for the emotional and behavioral problems you have caused the children by having me leave them.

Don't wish me luck or send me good vibes. You have not been a part of this in ANY way except CAUSING all of this to happen! You have done the bare minimum for me and the children. As you said you ASSUME I got a babysitter. You have NO idea what I had to do , who I got to watch the children and how it was done. I have found someone adequate but she will not be able to serve long-term because she cannot drive. So she cannot care for the children after we get out of the hotel. She cannot take the kids to any doctor,therapy or school appointments. I have to continue my search for a sitter. Even paying someone ALL of the child support you send apparently is not enough to hire a quality sitter so I am not sure what I am going to do since I need my income to pay rent, food and other bills.

As for calling the hotel you can try but the room phone is unplugged because the children will not leave it alone and had randomly called a few people in the hotel. I suggest you call in the evening at 8:00pm. Then they will get a chance to speak with you before bed.

Michelle

Now that was how I was greeting on Sunday night.  I went to work Monday.  My nanny showed up on time but I was late leaving the door.  It was hard to leave.  Off to work I went.  I used the GPS on my phone and after a wrong turn (my fault) I made it to the right area but I could not find the building.  I was SO glad I left the house at 7:15am and told my work I would be in by 8:30am.  My work was on jackson Street and I could seen the number jump in a HUGE way so I knew I was missing something. I pulled into the parking lot and I got out of my car.  The VERY first person I saw with a badge on I asked where I needed to go.  I was lucky because they knew. Thank goodness!!!  By the time I got in it was 8:20am.  I got there 10 minutes early! Yea!  

I was there for a bit and I get my first call from the nanny.  She was just checking in.  Good.  I keep busy at work reading material and getting all the newbie stuff done.  I get a second call after lunch.  This call was not good.  Bailey, the nanny,  says James was playing the Kindle. That is good in a way because it keeps him busy and out of trouble.  While he was playing Margaret goes over and tries to watch.  When she does James hits her.  Now, when I am there, I make James apologize to Margaret and say he is sorry for hitting her.  That is the end of the discipline.  Bailey on the other hand him in time out.  James has not been doing well with time out.  She tells me that he is crying hysterically and had been hanging his head on the wall.  That was when she decided to call me.  She put James on the phone and he was crying so hysterically that I could hardly understand anything he had to say.  

I spoke to him and said he needed to calm down.  I got him telling me he was in trouble and he was sorry.  It  broke my heart.  I said it was ok and he could not hit his sister.  He had to go and tell her he was sorry and give her a hug.  He got off the phone and I had a talk with Bailey reminding her that is he is getting hysterical like that then the form of discipline she is using is not working.  She said she did not want him to get away with the behavior and I said I agreed but that is why I make him apologize and say he is sorry and then give a hug.  I hoped she understood why I did not really want him in time out any more if he is getting hysterical.  

When I hung up the phone I could think of little else until I got home.  I cried at work.  I wanted to be home with James.  He is NOT taking this transition well!  The behavior I have been seeing is something that I have NEVER seen before.  I had NEVER seen him bang his head on the wall when upset.  :(

When I got off work and got home all was quiet at least.  Or so I thought.  I was trying to get the children ready for bed when Bailey called again.  She told me she was approached by the hotel manager and told that SHE was going to get kicked out if the children were so loud that someone complained again.  She was concerned about coming over to watch the children today because she is afraid of someone complaining again.  Baily, God love her, is a VERY nice lady but I am not entirely certain she got the details right on that. I would think WE would be kicked out of the hotel if we were loud again.  I hope not!  This just emphasizes the need to move into a home of some sort.  With my credit being trashed now I am not sure if I can make that happen.  We HAVE to get out of here though.  The children are bouncing off the walls here because the hotel room is so small.  Bailey is doing a good job in trying to take them out.  She walks them over the convenience store and swimming but they just need more space to run and play.  To spread out and not be on top of each other like they are in the hotel room.  Plus they REALLY need an enclosed yard to run around in.

Ok, so today.  Bailey comes to work.  I tell her let James play the Kindle all day if needed. I HATE that because I don't want him dependent on it but on the other hand I do not want ANY of us thrown out of the hotel!  I left for work.  It seems it takes me 45 minutes to get there.  I made it to work and my day was going ok.  I was calling to check in on James an hour after I left.  Everything was fine.  I got a call at 11:35am and it was Bailey.  She was saying she was not feeling good.  She said the kids were fine and she had to get after James once while they were out at the pool but that was it.  More of my day passes.  My boss comes by and says there is a conference meeting with the EPA representative at 2pm today and I needed to be there and so will HIS boss.  At 1:00pm I get another call from Bailey.  She says she is feeling really sick and her grandfather got her an appointment to the doctor at 3pm.  She wanted to know if I could come home.  Since it takes me 45 minutes to drive to work I figure I have to leave by 2pm.  Of course this is RIGHT at the time of the conference!  Sigh!  I can't catch an effin' break!  So on my second day on the job I have to go to my boss and say I am sorry but I have to leave.  I am going to have to make up the lost work hours since have have no time accrued anywhere.   

I come home and Bailey leaves.  I am thankful I hear later that it was a very large stomach ulcer that was giving her a problem.  She is now back on medication for it but she tells me that the medication makes her sleep so she is worried that she cannot continue working for me full-time.  She wants to work part-time and find someone else to fill in the rest of the time.  She said she could work for now but I need to look for someone.  Back to nanny hunting for me.  Sigh!  

I am tired.  SO VERY TIRED!!!

Should I mention STRESSED too?

Pregnancy and Infant Loss Awareness Day

Today is pregnancy and infant loss awareness day.  When my quadruplets were born I was happy they had arrived only to be told hours later that my daughter, Martha Renee, was not doing well in the NICU.  I was to come immediately!  I held my sweet little redheaded daughter as she took her last breath and passed away in my arms.  Though I never got a chance to really know her but I will forever love her.  This is my only post for today.

To all the other parents who have suffered the loss of a child my thoughts and prayers go out to you today.

When Did My Life Turn Into A Jerry Springer Episode?

Photo Credit: swaysuniverse.com

So today my life could have been featured on a Jerry Springer episode!  Why does it have to be life that!?!  I have ENOUGH to deal with!  It all started innocently enough.  I found a listing for a condo in Scottsdale. I called last night and asked the realtor to show me the property today.  She said ok and I asked HER for a time.  She said 9:30am.  I said ok and I asked Bailey if she wanted to go with us.  I was  not intending for her to babysit for me at all today.  Maybe help keep the kids in line for a bit while we looked at the condo but that is all.  

mcarizona.com

We arrive on time.  We all get out and look around.  It is nice.  Very bland and boring because everything looks the same but it is quiet and appears very safe.  I know the schools in the area are good too.  We stayed around and I never saw the realtor we were suppose to be meeting.  I call her phone three times in thirty minutes.  No answer!  So we left and I called the property management company telling them I wanted SOMEONE to show me the property.  I head out and go to the McDonald's on North Scottsdale and Thomas.  We get there and the kids know there is a playland here so they want to go inside.  At the same time I pulled up the realtor called me back saying her ringer was off and she missed my calls.  She said she was inside the condo!  Are you friggin' kidding me?  I said I would head back after I get everyone settled down.  

Bailey and I took the children inside and I got some food for them.  I headed back to the condo leaving Bailey and the children at McDonald's.  I should NOT have done that!  I went back and saw the condo.  It would suit our needs but there are some things about it that does not make it ideal for us.  I am torn on what I should do.  In the meantime, while I am gone, is where all the action is...

When I arrive Bailey tells me the whole story of what happened while I was away.  About 10 minutes after I left the children started to get rowdy.  James was running around like a wild boy and was up in the playland equipment poking people in the eye.  Why he was doing this I have NO idea!  Bailey told him to stop and he ignored her so she got him and forced him to sit in time out.  While sitting in timeout he was getting loud and crying.  She was trying to get him to settle down and when she was about to let him go he poked Margaret in the eye!  So she took James' hand and spanked it.  Now picture it....Margaret is wailing, James is crying and saying Bailey slapped him and she was going to get a spanking from me while Joseph sat in his stroller.  With all the commotion the shift manager came over and asked her and the children to leave the playland area.  Bailey said that was fine.  She got up and moved her and the children into the restaurant area.  

scottsdaleaz.gov

Now Bailey was sitting in the restaurant area with both James and Margaret on a backpack leash and Joseph in the stroller.  I am SO lost and I am telling Bailey I am trying to find my way back.  James and Margaret are crying.  They want to go back into the playland but now they are not allowed so they start screaming and crying.  James is pulling on his backpack leash and she does what I told her to do.  When he pulls like that I pull back and make him land on his butt.  He is screaming and crying. The shift manager approaches Bailey again and tells her she has called the police.  Bailey said that is fine and she was going to sit there until the police arrived.  I am still trying to find my way back.  The police come and Bailey explains what happened.  That James is a FOUR YEAR OLD CHILD and was misbehaving by poking people in the eye, she tried to correct his behavior but that only made things worse, then the manager kicked them out of the playland, that made everything worse and she said she was waiting for me to return.  She explained that the children were autistic and did not always listen to instructions.  The policeman said he understood.  He had a niece that was autistic.  So after that Bailey went outside with the children and waited for me to arrive. OMG!!!  What a CRAZY situation!  I don't think the manager even warned Bailey she was going to call the police!

I was SO freaking lost!  The GPS on my phone kept sending me to the wrong places. I had to get the cross streets from Bailey and google the address to get the right McDonalds.   I apologized over and over again to her.  Not only for the way the children behaved and me being late but that I had NEVER intended to be gone for SO long!  I bought her lunch to help make up for me being so late and I talked to her about what a great job I thought she did handling the situation she was in.  I have to admit she kept a cool head in the situation!

Tomorrow I start my job.  I am excited to go back to work, scared and worried for the children.  John send me a message on Facebook and I replied.  You can read what I said...

Hey,

I just wanted to tell you good luck tomorrow. I know you have been waiting for this moment for a long time. I have been praying every day for you. I know it will be tough to be away from the children, but it will also be good to get out there are do something you have been planning for and educating yourself for. I will be thinking about you tomorrow and trying to send you good vibes. I assume you found a babysitter. I hope she works out well and you like her. I know she will love the kids...everyone does.

Does the hotel have a phone number I can call? I'd still like to call the kids after school tomorrow, and I know you will have your phone.

I will talk to you soon.

John

Here is my reply...

John,

I have NOT been waiting for this moment for a long time. I had this moment FORCED upon me when you decided to leave us without sufficient means of support in July. I have been planning our move since I have been offered the job. In six weeks time, with very little help from you, I have had to pack, move and try not to be homeless.

You KNOW I have no desire for this job. Yes, it is what I went to school for and this position is perfect for me career-wise but YOU KNOW I did not want to work until next year. That the children, in particular Joseph, still need me. It is not a matter of just "being tough being away from the children" but they need me to take care of all their emotional, medical and school needs. It has been very tough for our autistic children to make the transition and the stress and lack of routine has all ready begun to show in behavioral issues. I see it as SOLELY YOUR responsibility for the emotional and behavioral problems you have caused the children by having me leave them.

Don't wish me luck or send me good vibes. You have not been a part of this in ANY way except CAUSING all of this to happen! You have done the bare minimum for me and the children. As you said you ASSUME I got a babysitter. You have NO idea what I had to do , who I got to watch the children and how it was done. I have found someone adequate but she will not be able to serve long-term because she cannot drive. So she cannot care for the children after we get out of the hotel. She cannot take the kids to any doctor,therapy or school appointments. I have to continue my search for a sitter. Even paying someone ALL of the child support you send apparently is not enough to hire a quality sitter so I am not sure what I am going to do since I need my income to pay rent, food and other bills.

As for calling the hotel you can try but the room phone is unplugged because the children will not leave it alone and had randomly called a few people in the hotel. I suggest you call in the evening at 8:00pm. Then they will get a chance to speak with you before bed.

Nothing like the parents verbally fighting.  Sigh!  He seems to have NO idea how much I resent him at the moment for making me leave the children.

Off in the Deep End

Another day and Bailey is handling the children.  There are some things she does that worry me but then again I am a protective mother.  Bailey is a wonderful person!  She is handling the children pretty well.  I am afraid I will still have to look for a nanny for my children though.  As much as I like Bailey she has her drawbacks too.  Bailey has a genetic disease that has caused seizures.  She has had it under control for the last two years but she cannot drive.  I really need someone who can drive.  Plus Bailey lives in the hotel we are in currently.  When we move how she will be able to follow us?  I am at such a loss.  She is SO close to being Mary Poppins!  Waaaaah!

James Swimming!

One upside is between Bailey and myself we have gotten James to swim in a pool yesterday by himself (he did have a puddle jumper on).  I was SO proud of him!
The hotel where we are at has a heated pool.  We went out near dusk and let the James and Margaret swim.  Margaret stays on the steps and splashes for all she is worth.  James was holding onto the wall but he finally let do and swam.  Joseph we kept out of the water because he chills too quickly and is soon shivering all over.  Poor little Joseph!

Multiples Who Terrorize Nannies

Whoever thought she would be such a terror?

Sounds like a bad episode of a reality TV show right?  Well, sadly, that is what my children did today.  : (    The first nanny candidate came over to watch the children.  I was close by because I did not want to worry. So I went to a local car wash.  When I got back about two hours later I pulled into my parking spot and I was stopped by the hotel manager.  She told me she knew I was gone.  I asked why and she said she had to help the nanny get my children back into the room...TWICE!  WHAT?  I was ONLY gone for two hours and there is only ONE way out of the room! Never would have thought that would have happened!  When I went to the room the first nanny did tell me they got out twice but she told me in passing and did not elaborate on it.  I did not ask any questions either.  When I heard the kids had gotten out twice AND she NEVER called me when the hotel manager and maintenance guy had to help her get the children back is a HUGE problem!  I was immediately turned off by that.

I was pinning my hopes on the second nanny.  She arrived and I talked to her for a bit before I left.  I had told the hotel manager I would be gone again today from 2pm to 4pm.  I said if she noticed ANY problem to give me a call and I would be right back!  I left and I got a soda from the Sonic that is right next door to the hotel.  I then left and drove down the road.  I got about two miles away when I got a call.  It was from the hotel manager.  She said the children ran away and the nanny was screaming for help. I said I would be right back.  I turned around and headed back.  The hotel manager and maintenance worker had gotten the kids back to the room and the second nanny was there too.  She was clearly in shock.  She said James went behind her back and opened the door.  When that happened he took off in one direction and then Margaret left taking off in another direction.  When that happened she panicked.  She screamed for help.  She had said she was unsure what to do.  I spoke to her for a bit.  I really think she could do the job but she was spooked.  I asked her if she was still interested in the job and she said she wanted to leave for today.  I told her to call or text me last night to let me know if she was interested in the job and I did not hear anything from her.  I am taking the "no-response" as a NO!

When I got back to the hotel a second time a lady was outside waiting on a taxi.  She said she also lived in the hotel and she is a professional babysitter.  I talked to her for a bit last night.  She came and played with the children for a bit.  I was there and she did fine.  She was at least as qualified and anyone I interviewed and she lived right there in the hotel so she did not have to commute. Her salary was in my price range and I told her if I did not hear back from the second nanny the position was hers.  Seems like I might have found a new nanny in the most of unlikely places.  Is she my Mary Poppins?  Only time will tell!

Talking about the car wash..YEA!

I am sitting at the car wash. I got a little money from John and I wanted to get the car washed. It has been SO long sine it was done. I went to a place close to me and they were DEAD so I negotiated a deal on the price. I think $35 for a FULL cleaning on my 15 passenger van was a good deal. It will be nice to have it clean. With small children, especially disabled children, they often touch the car. Their hands and clothes were turning black and so was my clothes. It was disgusting! One of the two people interviewing for the nanny position is here today. It will be interesting to see what carthe children think of them. Will post more later tonight. :)

News Bits

I have enjoyed doing new bits in the past but I have been too busy.  There have been SO many interesting things floating around from my fantastic friends from Facebook I have to stop and do my news bits for tonight!

Photo Credit: myaspergerschild.com

The first is an article titled, IEP Meeting Conversation Stoppers, that has some wonderful advice on what to do at an IEP meeting. There are nine conversation stoppers including the school district saying they cannot use technology to the special education teacher cannot attend the IEP meeting.  It gives great advice on why these situations happen and what you can do as a parent to make the situation better.  It is a great read if you have to attend an IEP!

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Photo Credit: zappos.com

Do you have a toe walker?  Margaret is my little toe walker and can be SO rough on shoes.  Joseph has FINALLY started to walk but he will crawl too when he does not feel stable enough to walk so he can be tough on shoes also.  This started a conversation on what shoes are best for little feet that are SO rough on a pair of shoes.  One mom swear by Keen Kids shoes.  I was looking at the shoes and though the colors are not overly girlie they make a pair of high tops called Coronado High Tops that would provide Margaret with some ankle support too.  I like them!

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Photo Credit: healthmedicalnow.com

I have a friend and her poor son is SUPER allergic to soy.  So when I came across this article I wanted to make sure I told her about it!  If you have soy or milk (casein) food allergies please be careful when you consume produce with a wax coating!  In an article by clinical nutritionist, Dr. Vikki Petersen, titled Clinical Nutrition Report: An Apple a Day Making You Sick?  Within the wax or shellac coating on fruits and vegetables there are often two types of protein used.  These are the soy or casein protien.  The milk protien is used to help the waz form a skin.  When the milk protein is not used soy is substitued.  Dr. Petersen recommeneds either buying organic or asking your local produce manager what kind of wax is used on the products you buy!